The Parent Trap

1. The Parent Trap The Paradox of Engaging Parents While Empowering Millennial College Students

2. U-Life Professional Development Day – June 2012 Barbara Gorka Director Penn Abroad Scott Romeika Director, Academic Affairs and Advising Undergraduate Division, The Wharton School Sharon Smith Director, Student Intervention Services Vice Provost for University Life

3. Millennials (and Parents) Go to College

4. Millennial Students • Short view; expectation of immediate results • Team oriented • Multi-tasking; (over)achieving • (Over)managed, (over)scheduled • Labeled as “special” and “unique” • Protected from harm, adversity, challenges • Risk aversion; uneven confidence • 24/7 connection

5. Millennial Parents • Activists as young adults; changed the world (60’s and 70’s) • Invested in child’s success (literally, figuratively); “helicopter” • Seek lots of information from students, schools; “secretary” • Problem solving approach – “fix it now” • Maximizers / optimizers • Frequent connection to (but not necessarily better communication with) students

6. The Parent Trap: Challenges, Obstacles, and Limits of Engagement

7. Different World (for students) Old World (high school) • Child/minor • Structured, passive learning environment • Convergent thinking (get the right answer; 3 Rs) • Success easier to define (concrete) • Choices: “a la carte” New World (college) • Adult (young adult) • Less structured, active learning environment • Divergent thinking (complexity; creativity) • Success harder to define (abstract) • Choices: self-directed

8. Different World (for parents) Old World (high school) • Active partner in education • Some monitoring of learning environment • More influence on self-perception, development • Mistakes are more public (first to know) New World (college) • Limited/invited partnership • Limited to no monitoring of learning environment • Less influence on self-perception, development • Mistakes are more private (last to know)

9. New Skills for the New World Take charge of choices, decisions, success, challenges (pilots, not passengers) Develop autonomy/responsibility Explore and develop multiple identities/paths to success Value process, integrity, and learning for the sake of learning (not just grades and other outcomes) Learn from mistakes and challenges Learn how to problem solve; identify supports and resources

10. Internal Limits: Penn’s Philosophy Penn engages students in a solution-oriented process that allows the student to be proactive and take responsibility for his/her actions Penn offers tremendous freedom to individuals and expects that each member of the University community will carry his or her share of their responsibilities The University does not take on a parental role in relation to its students but rather assumes that students can live as young adults who can make their own decisions and take basic responsibility for their own lives

11. Internal Limits: Parental Notification Policy • Penn reserves the right to notify parents in cases involving serious injury or emergency situations • Parents are called whenever a student is in a health or safety crisis situation • Other than emergency situations, “a decision to notify parents or guardians about a student's activities will be made by the Office of the Vice Provost for University Life, or another senior student affairs officer, after consultation with the student's school office, if appropriate.”

12. Internal Limits: Factors that Guide Parental Notification Level of risk (to student, to Penn community) Frequency Other areas of concern (academic, residential life, etc.) Willingness to engage in services and comply with University expectations Student is informed ahead of time and empowered to initiate the contact instead

13. External Limits FERPA HIPAA Clery Act Student must give consent to release information (in most cases) http://www.upenn.edu/privacy/index.htm

14. Troubleshooting Flow Chart • Consult with: • Supervisor • VPUL • General Counsel

15. Conclusion: Best Practices

16. Penn Support Network

17. Educate Yourself • What is the office protocol? • Be respectful, responsive, professional to parents • Ask lots of questions; collect all the information you can • Basics: parent name, student name, contact info, date/time of contact, issue presented • Clarify the issues and ensure parents they’re being heard • “Does your son/daughter know you’re calling?” • Provide information – objective data; don’t speculate • Knowledge (easiest to find on website, in publications, etc.) • Process (less obvious) • Empathize with parents’ concerns, anxieties, stressors • Know when to hold ‘em (deal with the problem directly), know when to fold ‘em (when to involve others) • But… make a good handoff (don’t just pass them around)

18. Educate / Empower Parents • Establish limits and expectations (e.g. FERPA, response time to inquiries, etc.) • Clarify the roles and responsibilities of individuals and offices within the university • Clarify the role of the student in solving the problem • Develop your own in-house resources (newsletters, data, etc.) • Acknowledge the transition that parents are going through too • Penn resources (http://www.upenn.edu/highlights/family.php)

19. Empower Students • Involve students in the concern being raised • Clarify student role and responsibilities • Informed consent; process privacy preferences with students • Encourage students to have proactive conversations with parents • Consent to share information • Grade disclosure • “What if” scenarios

20. Q&A

21. References Galsky, A. and Shotick, J. (2012, January 5). Managing Millennial Parents. Chronicle of Higher Education. Howe, N. and Strauss, W. (2000). Millennials Rising: The Next Great Generation. Vintage Press.

22. THANK YOU!