Abusive relationships

Abusive relationships

Abuse Statistics - Statistics Canada • Half of Canadian women (51%) have experienced at least one incident of physical or sexual violence since the age of 16. • Every minute of every day, a Canadian woman or child is being sexually assaulted. • One to two women are murdered by a current or former partner each week in Canada.

Abuse Statistics - Statistics Canada • Spousal violence makes up the single largest category of convictions involving violent offences in non-specialized adult courts in Canada over the five-year period 1997/98 to 2001/02. Over 90% of offenders were male. • Thirty-six percent of female victims of spousal violence and less than 10% of victims of sexual assault reported these crimes to the police in 2004.

Abuse Statistics - Statistics Canada • Physical and sexual abuse costs Canada over $4 billion each year (factoring into account social services, criminal justice, lost employment days and health care interventions). • Violence against women occurs across all ethnic, racial, religious, age, social and economic groups. Some women are more vulnerable however, and are more likely to experience violence, including women with disabilities, geographically-isolated women, young women and Aboriginal women.

Abuse • All forms of abuse– physical, sexual, emotional and neglect are all against the law and can lead to jail time. • Violence: • · the exertion of harsh language and/or physical force that causes damage, pain, injury or fear • Abuse: • · the mistreatment of a person that results in physical, emotional, and/or psychological harm

Physical Abuse Bodily harm inflicted on another person Although some cases of abuse may be obvious, others are hard to detect. • An abuser may be careful in where they hit the other person so that the marks are hidden by clothing. • The marks may also be attributed to an accident. Ex. I walked into a door. • The marks may be hidden by the victim which can make it even harder to detect

Sexual Abuse • Sexual behaviour between an adult and adolescent, or a non-consenting person • A minor is not legally able to give consent • Age of consent in Canada is 16 (statutory rape if younger) • Two Exceptions: Age 12 -13 can consensually have sex with someone a maximum of two years older. • Age 14-15 can consensually have sex with someone a maximum of five years older

Sexual Abuse • Victims are usually abused by someone that they know • Because most victims never come forward it is hard to obtain actual stats. • Victims can have a great difficulty forming close relationships • Counselling is recommended.

Neglect • Failure of a parent or guardian to provide the basic needs of a person in his or her charge (child or adult)

Emotional Abuse • Emotional mistreatment of another person. • Criticism, or failure to show affection and love. • Although the effects of emotional abuse may not be as visible as physical abuse the effects can be just as devastating. • Often causes very low self esteem

Child Abuse • Illegal treatment committed by an adult against a child that involves use of physical, sexual, or emotional force, cruelty, or neglect. • More than 90% of child abuse cases are inflicted by family members. • Many victims end up running away from home and become “street kids”

Child abuse Children are abused for various reasons: • Lack of money, unemployment, or alcohol and drug abuse. • Abusive parents usually expect the children to be more responsible than what is normal at their age. • Children who were abused often become abusers themselves. The cycle can be stopped

Spouse Abuse Abuse of one’s husband or wife. • 58,486 - the number of women who sought refuge in one of 473 shelters across Canada between April 1, 2003 and March 31, 2004. Overall, there were 543 known shelters in Canada providing residential services to abused women and their children. • 62 - the number of female victims of spousal homicide in 2004

Spouse Abuse • In 2006, over 38,000 incidents of spousal violence were reported to police across Canada, indicating that spousal violence makes up approximately 15% of all violent incidents • In the majority of battery cases. The aggressor had been drinking or using drugs.

Spouse Abuse • Why do the victims stay • Abused women often stay in the relationship because they do not have enough money to get out on their own. • Many are more afraid of what will happen if they leave than if they stay. • The white pages in the phone book offers help under “Battered Women” – negative connotation

Peer Abuse • Hazing is defined as any physical or psychological abuse associated with initiation into a club, team or group. • Criminal charges have been laid in many cases where injury and death have occurred • cyberbullying

ANSWER EITHER strongly agree, agree, undecided, disagree or strongly disagree for each. • 1. Assaulted people could just leave their partner if they really wanted to. • 2. Some people provoke assaults and deserve the violence that they experience. • 3. Racism and/or poverty cause violence. • 4. Alcohol causes family violence. • 5. As long as children are not abused, they are not affected by witnessing violence in the home. • 6. Abusers are mentally ill. • 7. Bad childhood experiences cause people to become abusers. • 8. Violence against women is not a widespread problem. • 9. Assaulted people readily report the incident to the police to ensure future protection.

Statement 1: • Assaulted people could just leave their partner if they really wanted to. • A person may stay in an abusive relationship for many reasons. For example: • -fears for his/her own safety or safety of children • -depends on his/her partner’s income • -has low self-esteem • -has no where else to go • -partner has threatened to harm him/her if he/she leaves • -worried about personal immigration status or partner’s immigration status

Statement 2: • Some people provoke assaults and deserve the violence that they • experience. • No one ever deserves to be beaten. Assaulted people report a wide range of incidents that • trigger violence. For example: ÒI fried the egg the wrong way,Ó ÒI didnÕt turn down the • radio enough,Ó or ÒI went out with friends without askingÓ. Violence most often is the • result of the abuserÕs desire for power and control over his/her partner.

Statement 3: • Racism and/or poverty cause violence. • Sometimes, people in our society who feel the least powerful look to those who they • perceive to be weak, to make themselves feel more powerful. Those who feel that they • do not have power can be found in all cultures and socio-economic classes. Racism and • poverty do not cause violence.

Statement 4: • Alcohol causes family violence. • While abuse is often associated with alcohol and drugs, the alcohol and drugs do not • cause the violence. Alcohol and drugs often lead to impaired thinking and feelings and • affect the violence but do not cause it.

Statement 5: • As long as children are not abused, they are not affected by witnessing • violence in the home. • Children who witness the assault of a parent (or an adult who is significant in their life) • can be just as seriously affected by witnessing abuse as being abused. They are at risk of • being assaulted themselves, of developing adjustment problems during childhood and • adolescence, and of continuing the cycle of violence. Most violent behaviour is learned. • Some studies indicated that between 40-60% of assaulting men witnessed their mothers • being assaulted when they were children. Children exposed to parent assault have similar • adjustment problems as children who are themselves physically abused. Children of an • assaulted parent rate significantly below their peers in areas such as school performance, • participation in organized sports and activities, and social involvement. • Serious behaviour problems are 17 times higher for boys and 10 times higher for girls • who have witnessed assault than for other children. Studies indicate that child adjustment • problems relate more to witnessing domestic violence than to the separation, divorce or • loss of parents.

Statement 6: Abusers are mentally ill. • The number of people who are genuinely uncontrollably ÒsickÓ is very small. Most • people, no matter how much they may be suffering from physical or mental illnesses, • make choices about their behaviour. It is true that a few people become violent because • of mental illness; they really cannot control their behaviour. Medication/therapy • treatment can help. Although most abusers may not be diagnosed with mental illness, • they are experiencing anger control problems which often requires professional help. • Most people who assault their partners are not violent outside the house. They do not hit • their bosses or colleagues. They often aim their blows at parts of the body where bruises • will not show.

Statement 7: • Bad childhood experiences cause people to become abusers. • Many people who were abused as children may develop depression, anxiety, addiction • problems and other negative effects throughout their lives. However, childhood abuse • does not make them become abusers. Cycles of abuse can be stopped with recognition of • a problem, counselling etc. People choose their own behaviour.

Statement 8: • Violence against women is not a widespread problem. • According to Eugene Lupri (1992), one in five Canadian men admitted to using violence • against his female partner. More than 93% of charges related to spousal assault in Ontario • are laid against men.3. Most charges laid against women are counter-charges laid by • assaultive partners or stem from acts of self-defense.

Statement 9: • Assaulted women readily report the incident to the police to ensure future • protection. • Assaulted women often feel unable to report their assaults to police and/or go through the criminal justice system because: • -they continue to hope things will get better • -they fear retaliation or revenge by the offender • -they lack information regarding legal rights and the legal system • -they fear they will not be believed or will be blamed for the abuse • -they fear slow, ineffective and/or insensitive response by police, the courts and probation and parole officers • -they fear deportation • -they fear that their partners will be mistreated by police or the courts because of racism and discrimination.

Causes of relationship violence • Controlling Personality • · a person’s belief that they have the right to control another • · a person’s need to obtain/maintain power and control over another person • · the controller’s behaviour can be a product of culture (e.g., their • perception/interpretation of cultural norms)

Causes of relationship violence • Sex Role Stereotyping • · a belief that men and women have distinct roles related to gender (e.g., men have a decision-making role and that women are to be cared for) • · direct and indirect messages given to boys and young men about what it means to be male (dominant, aggressive) contribute to creating a mindset which is accepting of sexually aggressive behaviour • · direct and indirect messages given to girls and young women about what it means to be female (e.g., roles in relationships, pressure to conform) • · buying into stereotypical attitudes regarding sex roles tends to be associated with justification of intercourse under any circumstances (Perspectives on Acquaintance Rape, 2000) • · strong belief in ‘dominance’ as a sexual motive, hostile attitudes towards women, condoning the use of force in sexual relationships • · violence can be perpetuated by historical and cultural acceptance of patriarchal values and inequities. Shades of Grey: The Continuum of Violence Final Report. Peel Health (April 1997).

Causes of relationship violence • Subservience/Passive Response • · a belief in ‘traditional’ views of men occupying a position of dominance at any price can impact the relationship • · passive response can affect whether assistance is sought for relationship violence • · this does not cause violence, in fact many religions propose traditional male-female roles

Causes of relationship violence • Alcohol and Drug Use • · drinking alcohol or taking drugs is associated with acquaintance rape • · 51% of all incidents of dating violence reported by Canadian women, the perpetrator • was under the influence of alcohol (Johnson, 1996, pg.128)

Causes of relationship abuse • Parental Abuse/Neglect • · past parental abuse/neglect in early life may perpetuate violent behaviour. Past abuse/neglect does not cause violence but may be associated with violent behaviour. • Lack of Awareness • · inappropriate social interaction (e.g., the person is not aware that their behaviour is • inappropriate) can be linked to relationship violence

Indicators of abuse • desire to control behaviour, decisions, time • partner is unable to control anger or personal rage, aggressive behaviour • name calling, put-downs, belittling, humiliating, criticizing, blaming • playing mind games • controlling a persons finances (preventing them from getting a job, making the ask for money, etc) • intimidating • partner may have been abused child or witnesses parental abuse and violence

Indicators of abuse (contd) • dishonesty or deceitfulness • bruises, injuries • jealousy • impatience • lack of self-esteem • submissiveness, cowering, constant apologizing • over-dependency • selfishness • changes in communication (good to bad) • continued unresolved conflicts • partner has severe stress reactions during which they use drinking/drugs/battering to cope • partner is a traditionalist, believing in sex-role stereotypes • dual personality

Intervention strategies • act quickly, consistently and confidently • have a plan • be assertive and use conflict resolution skills • empower witnesses to act appropriately • talk to support victims, witnesses • get counselling, use mediation, contact hotlines • call police • be familiar with and use prevention policies (e.g., Human Rights Code, School Code of Behaviour, Safe School Policy, Harassment Policy, Mediation Support, etc.)

Help for Victims of Abuse • Report Abuse Immediately • Police, Child services, teacher, counsellor. • Counselling is available for both the victim and the abuser. • People who abuse children or fear that they might can contact Parents Anonymous.

Controlling Relationships • Controlling Relationships can lead to emotional, physical and sexual abuse • Warming signs you may be in a controlling relationship • They are possessive • You apologise very often • Quick attachment and expression • Your supports are removed (friends and family)

Controlling relationships (cont’d) • Public Embarrassment • Friends and Family dislike them • They make you crazy • Discounted feelings / opinions • It’s always your fault

questions • What is one possible positive factor that would contribute to a healthy relationship and 1 possible negative factor that might contribute to relationship violence. Use these as titles… • Substance abuse: • Individual State of Health: • Finances: • Coping Strategies: • Circle of Friends: • Family history: • Infidelity:

Questions: can be done in pairs • Why is neglect grouped in with the other forms of abuse? • What effects can an abusive relationship have on a person? • Why is it sometimes difficult to detect abuse? • Why is it sometimes hard for people who are being abused to leave the abuser? • Be sure to complete the survey on slide 17 and read the corresponding answers on the following slides.

Questions: • Relationship Violence Scenarios • Work in pairs to examine the case scenario. Identify the indicators of violence and develop appropriate intervention strategies to deal with the violent scenario.

Scenario 1 • Bill and Narissa have been dating for 6 months. Although they have a lot of fun together, sometimes Narissa is worried about Bill’s attitude. There are times when he gets very jealous, especially if he sees her talking to other guys. He always asks her to explain where she was and whom she was with when he is not with her. Recently, on a few occasions, he has really yelled at her and called her some horrible names because he thought she was fooling around on him. • 1. What are the indicators of violence found in this scenario? • 2. Record appropriate intervention strategies to deal with this violence.

Scenario 2 • Nancy and Bob are finding teen parenthood very stressful. They miss their freedom and are finding it difficult to adjust to their new responsibilities. When they argue, which they do often, Bob usually blames Nancy for having got pregnant in the first place. They do not have much money and Bob sometimes drinks too much. Lately, their arguments have been escalating and last night during their fight he started throwing things and slapped her in the face. • 1. What are the indicators of violence found in this scenario? • Record appropriate intervention strategies to deal with this violence.

Scenario 3 • Carol and Jan are in a one-year relationship. All of Carol’s family and friends know she is lesbian and she has lots of support. Jan has told only two very close friends she is lesbian, and fears that her family would not be supportive if they knew. She has told her family that she and Carol are very good friends. In the past year, Carol has been less tolerant of Jan and has slapped and shoved her on two occasions. On a number of occasions when she has been angry, Carol has threatened to call Jan’s parents or her brother and tell them that she and Jan are lovers. Carol often drops little hints when they are visiting Jan’s family and Jan fears they may catch one of these times. Carol only laughs and tells Jan to relax before she tells them once and for all. • 1. What are the indicators of violence found in this scenario? • Record appropriate intervention strategies to deal with this violence.

Scenario 4 • Ken found his friend Jackie sitting on a bench crying. When he asked what was wrong she explained that she was at a party the previous night. After the party, Dan invited her back to his place because his parents were away and he was having some people over. When they got to Dan’s place, no one else was there. Jackie accepted a drink that Dan offered her, even though she had too much to drink already. Before long, Dan was pushing her to go into the bedroom with him but Jackie said, ‘No’. He kept bugging her saying that he knew she had sex with other guys, so what was wrong with him. Jackie said she liked him but that she did not want to have sex. Dan called her names and when she got up to leave he pushed her onto the couch and started kissing her. He was touching her and then forced himself on her. Jackie did not know what to say anymore or how to stop him. She was frozen until it was over and Dan took her home. • 1. What are the indicators of violence found in this scenario? • 2. Record appropriate intervention strategies to deal with this violence.

Abusive relationships