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Confronting Abusive Relationships

Confronting Abusive Relationships. Lili Anderson, Ph. D. BYU-Idaho Women’s Student Association 6 March 2004. Basic Questions. What is abuse? Why does abuse happen? How do I stay safe from abuse?. Kinds of Abuse. Physical Sexual Verbal Emotional

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Confronting Abusive Relationships

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  1. Confronting Abusive Relationships Lili Anderson, Ph. D. BYU-Idaho Women’s Student Association 6 March 2004

  2. Basic Questions • What is abuse? • Why does abuse happen? • How do I stay safe from abuse?

  3. Kinds of Abuse Physical Sexual Verbal Emotional -- Any behavior that demonstrates a fundamental lack of respect

  4. Why does abuse happen? • NOT because it is provoked • Relationship skill deficits • Deeply embedded emotional maladjustment

  5. How does one stay safe from abuse? • Understand cycle of abuse • Healthy definition of love • Understand charity (get over “rescuer” complex) • Develop and hold to good boundaries

  6. Abuse Cycle • Build Up • Explosion • “Honeymoon” Period • Build Up

  7. Healthy Love David O. McKay suggested that respect was more important than love

  8. Understand charity • Develop and hold to healthy boundaries

  9. Scriptural Basis Doctrine and Covenants 88:21-24 21 And they who are not sanctified through the law which I have given unto you, even the law of Christ, must inherit another kingdom, even that of a terrestrial kingdom, or that of a telestial kingdom. 22 For he who is not able to abide the law of a celestial kingdom cannot abide a celestial glory. 23 And he who cannot abide the law of a terrestrial kingdom cannot abide a terrestrial glory. 24 And he who cannot abide the law of a telestial kingdom cannot abide a telestial glory; therefore he is not meet for a kingdom of glory. Therefore he must abide a kingdom which is not a kingdom of glory.

  10. The Three Realm ModelRealms of Light and Law • Celestial Realm • Terrestrial Realm • Telestial Realm

  11. Telestial Realm Laws: Appetite Satisfaction Immediate Gratification The natural man rules Doing exactly what you want to do Outcomes: 1- Pain (spiritual, emotional, perhaps even physical) 2-Violence (spiritual, emotional, physical) 3-Destruction (spiritual, emotional, physical) Those living telestially are a “law unto themselves.”

  12. Terrestrial Realm Laws: Self-Control Deferred Gratification The Natural Man is Harnessed Conforming to Accepted Standards of Behavior Outcomes: 1-External peace 2-Safety Those living terrestrial law are not offensive to God.

  13. In the terrestrial realm, obedience to basic commandments creates a safety net.

  14. Celestial Realm Law: Christ-like Being Integration of the heart with the behavior Doing exactly what you want to do, which by the way, is God’s will. Outcomes: 1-Peace that passes understanding 2-Creation, new birth The celestial realm Must Be built upon a terrestrial foundation.

  15. Basic Principles of the Three Realm Model 1-You “can’t skip.” You can’t go from the telestial realm to the celestial realm, immediately. Celestial living must be built on a firm foundation of terrestrial principles. 2-The telestial realm mimics the celestial. Telestial behaviors/institutions may mimic celestial forms, but the content is diametrically different. The celestial goal is to save and bless, the Telestial goal is to compel and control.

  16. Using the principles of the three realm model to understand safe boundaries in relationships. Doctrine & Covenants 121 – God’s treatise on correct relationships Doctrine & Covenants 98 – Doctrinal “limits of long suffering”

  17. These things I have spoken to you, that in me you might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

  18. A Copy of This Presentation Can Be Viewed At:lilianderson.com

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