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The Porcupine Dilemma

Relationship. The closer they get to each other, the more likely they are to get hurt. The Porcupine Dilemma. How to Handle. A N G E R. Psalm 133: 1. “Behold, How good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!”. Ephesians 4: 1-3.

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The Porcupine Dilemma

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  1. Relationship The closer they get to each other, the more likely they are to get hurt. The Porcupine Dilemma

  2. How to Handle A N G E R

  3. Psalm 133: 1 “Behold, How good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!”

  4. Ephesians 4: 1-3 • I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, • with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love, • being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

  5. All of us are responsible to maintain this unity: If our brother has sinned … Matthew 18: 15-17 “If your brother sins … go and show him his fault in private…” Galatians 6: 1-5 “if anyone is caught in a trespass, you…restore such a one…”

  6. All of us are responsible to maintain this unity: Whether YOU have sinned or not … Matthew 5: 23-24 “If you know that your brother has something against you … leave your offering … be reconciled … then …”

  7. Summary: Romans 12: 18 “As far as it depends on you, Be at peace with all men.”

  8. Resolving Conflict Let’s Do It God’s Way!

  9. 7 Rules for a Clean Fight based on Ephesians 4: 25-32 (adapted from Strike the Original Match, by Chuck Swindoll)

  10. Make a commitment to • Honesty and Truth • (Eph. 4: 25) “Speak _______________ to one another. . . • for we are _______________ of one another.” • This is a 2 way pursuit • (1) • (2) • Our goal must be for deeper ______________________ • NOT to _______________ the argument, • or else _____________________________ ! • Don’t get ____________________ ! • Try to understand where _____________ are coming from. truth members Seek the truth Speak the truth deeper understanding WIN we BOTH lose defensive each other

  11. Deal with it A.S.A.P. (But, … Before you begin, you must Both agree that the time is right!) (Eph. 4: 26-27) “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, and do not ________________________________!” Deal with it A.S.A.P. ! If not now . . . then decide _____________________________________ And make it SOON. give the devil an opportunity When will it be a good time? Then schedule it!

  12. 3. Make sure your weapons are not deadly! • Eph. 4: 26 “Be angry, yet ________________” do not sin • James 3: 5-8 “the tongue is full of _____________________...” Deadly poison REMEMBER: WORDS CAN KILL!!!!! • John 1: 14 Jesus was full of “_____________ and ___________” grace truth

  13. 4. Don’t raise your voice or lose self control. Ephesians 4: 29 Only say what is ___________________ … according to the need of the moment! good for edification Proverbs 15: 1 “A soft answer ___________________ .” turns away wrath

  14. 4. Don’t raise your voice or lose self control. You can still say what needs to be said, but speak gently, with kindness and grace, (i.e. “___________”) tact Colossians 4: 6 “Let your speech always be with grace, as though ____________________ …” seasoned with salt

  15. Never reveal private matters in public! Ephesians 4: 31 “Let all bitterness, wrath, . . . and slander be put _____________…” Dont’ go around trying to get your friends to take sides with you. (that’s called “___________”) away from you gossip

  16. Respect each other’s limits. The Principle: Ephesians 4: 32 “Be kind to one another, _________________, …” tender-hearted

  17. 6. Respect each other’s limits. Example: Agree to STOP when someone says, “STOP!” Ephesians 4: 29 “only words that are good for ________________________.” building each other up

  18. 6. Respect each other’s limits. Excellent & challenging verses: • Ephesians 4: 2 - 3 • Philippians 2: 3 - 4 • Colossians 3: 12 - 14

  19. Once the issue is resolved, help seek forgiveness and restoration. Ephesians 4: 32 “…forgive each other … JUST AS _______________________________!” God in Christ has forgiven you

  20. 7. Once the issue is resolved, help seek forgiveness and restoration. How has God forgiven us? Psalm 103: 11 – 12 “As far as the EAST is from the WEST, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Fully Finally Freely Forever

  21. 7. Once the issue is resolved, help seek forgiveness and restoration. 7. Once the issue is resolved, help seek forgiveness and restoration. 70 forgive, forgive, forgive X 7 forgive forgive forgive forgive forgive And don’t bring the issue up again, UNTIL … You BOTH agree that you need to discuss it again! forgive

  22. Personal Application: Looking back at the last time you were angry or had to resolve a conflict with someone . . . • Which of the 7 rules did you find it most difficult to practice? (choose 1 or 2) • What specific things can you do to better practice that rule?

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