Resilient Ministry: How Leaders Survive, Thrive, and Finish Well Thursday, April 3 rd 2014

2. Resilient Ministry:How Leaders Survive, Thrive, and Finish WellThursday, April 3rd2014

3. Making an Honest Assessment of our Souls, Relationships, Leadership Teams, and Church Mission

4. “Resilient Ministry” by Burns, Chapman & Guthrie • 6 years • 73 pastors • 26 states • A deliberate cross-section

5. Five themes of resiliency • Spiritual Formation • Self-Care • Emotional & Cultural Intelligence • Marriage & Family • Leadership & Management

6. Spiritual Formation • Soul neglect – “Our hearts are thirsty for a word from God, but who has time?” • Stopping – embracing sabbatical rhythms. • Pastoral workaholism – reverse laziness (“bad busyness”)

7. Spiritual Formation • “We are creatures of habit, and as much as 95% of what we do occurs automatically or in reaction to a demand or an anxiety. Rituals are precise, consciously acquired behaviors that become automatic in our lives, fueled by a deep sense of purpose.” – The Power of Full Engagement by Loehr & Schwartz

8. Spiritual Formation • Questions to ponder: • Who in my life have I been able to talk to about anything, without concern for the repercussions? • Who understands my work and world, such that I would not feel like I had to explain myself to them, but also speaks the truth in love to me? • Who stimulates me to grow spiritually? How can I wisely steward my time with them?

9. Spiritual Formation • “Learning requires the disequilibrium that comes through failure.” • “Change requires loss. Making room for new practices requires ceasing old activities.” • We must have a strong commitment to a learning process. • I Tim. 4:15-16 – “Practice these things, devote yourself to them, so that all may see your progress. Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for in so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.”

10. Spiritual Formation • “We must learn to reflect in the midst of action and create space to step aside from our constant movement in order to contemplate, reflect, and prepare for future action.” – David Livermore

11. Spiritual Formation • Bernard of Clairvaux – “It is laziness to remain active and not to spend time reflecting before God.” • e.g. Martha & Mary, Luke 10 • Eugene Peterson – “For the majority of the Christian centuries, most pastors have been convinced that prayer is the central and essential act for maintaining the essential shape of the ministry to which they were ordained…have conditions changed so much in our age that prayer is no longer fit to be the formative act? Have developments in theology shown other things to be central and prayer at the periphery? Or have we let ourselves be distracted, diverted, and seduced? I think we have.”

12. Spiritual Formation • The discipline of Sabbath • “At the heart of Sabbath is stopping to surrender to God in trust….we imitate God by stopping our work and resting…I give up control and trust God to run His world without me.” – Peter Scazzero

13. Self-Care • “It’s about burning on, not burning out. I don’t know if many of us can finish well unless there’s some time of rhythm of rest, restoration and relationship in our lives.” – Dave Gibbons

14. Self-Care • “The ministry can feel like a never-ending treadmill of trying to satisfy others whose expectations can never be met.” • “Many pastors do not value self-care because they don’t view it as an ‘ethical imperative’.”

15. Self-Care • Psychiatrists describe those in the “caring professions” as vulnerable to “compassion fatigue and secondary stress disorder”. • Many pastors do not value self-care because they “spiritualize away” their need for it.

16. Self-Care • “I keep waiting for the ‘next season’ to be smooth. I’m coming to realize that this is not going to happen. I’m learning contentment in my current context.” – Pastor participant

17. Self-Care • Four identity issues: • Personality – how am I wired? • Family of Origin – how did my relatives shape me? • Distinction between role and person – what’s left if I quit the ministry? • Comparisons to others – how do I measure up?

18. Self-Care • Feelings of frustration, depression, or dryness • “We can live with all the frustrations of ministry. But those are compensated when we see the spiritual returns – when people’s lives are being changed. But when the balance goes the other way, the see-saw goes in the other direction, and the frustrations exceed the returns, understandably we begin to ask questions like “Is it worth it?”

19. Self-Care • “Oprah told how talked to a close friend and said “I want to be an actress.” Her friend replied, “No. You don’t want to be an actress. You want to be a star. Being an actress is only a means to becoming a star.” And as I was sitting there thinking about that, it was as if the Holy Spirit whispered, “Do you want to be a pastor or do you want to be a star? Are you the pastorate because you want to be a star?”

20. Self-Care • Building a community of grace and truth • “We have to be careful not to cultivate loneliness. It’s possible to begin isolating ourselves from relationships so that we can kind of construct our world the way we want to see it instead of the way it really is. We need each other as mirrors and reflectors to see the way we really are.” – Pastor participant

21. Self-Care • Question: Does your calendar mirror personal values? • “Unfortunately, most of the pastors in the summit were highly irregular in taking time off. Roy Oswald identifies this problem precisely when he writes ‘The research on burnout generally agrees that chronic fatigue and apathy develop from being overly committed and involved in our work.”

22. Self-Care • “We live in a world that celebrates work and activity, ignores renewal and recovery, and fails to recognize that both are necessary for sustained high performance. The richest, happiest and most productive lives are characterized by the ability to fully engage in the challenge at hand, but also to disengage periodically and seek renewal.” – The Power of Full Engagement

23. Self-Care • Physical Exercise – “We have a responsibility to develop a constructive relationship with our bodies through which we become knowledgeable about its powers and vulnerabilities. From this point of view, exercise is no more optional for the care of the body than food or sleep.” – Kathleen Grieder

24. Self-Care • “Certain rhythms – like sabbath, exercise, friendship, and contentment in calling – create patterns of healthy living. We are creatures of habit. By recognizing and building on healthy habits and rhythms, we can work on establishing good self-care.”

25. Emotional Intelligence • “The family is the fire in which our level of emotional maturity is forged…since we learn from our family how to relate, we carry these same behaviors directly into the work system and congregation of which we are a part. So does everyone else who is part of the system.” – Jim Herrington

26. Emotional Intelligence • “The gravitational pull back to the sinful, destructive patterns of our family of origin and culture is enormous.” – Peter Scazerro • We are all a mixture of giftedness and dysfunction.

27. Emotional Intelligence • “We can grow and change, especially if we take the time to identify and address patterns within our family systems. Emotional intelligence is not fixed genetically, nor does it develop only in early childhood…it seems to be largely learned, and it continues to develop as we go through life and learn from our experiences – our competence in in it can keep growing.” – Peter Scazerro

28. Emotional Intelligence • Five elements of EQ: • Listening and oral communications skills • Adaptability and creative responses to setbacks and obstacles • Personal management, confidence, and motivation to work toward goals • Group and interpersonal effectiveness, cooperativeness and teamwork, skills at negotiating disagreements • Effectiveness in the organization, wanting to make a contribution.

29. Emotional Intelligence • “Growth in emotional intelligence requires the discipline of reflection. But meaningful reflection only happens when we slow down and make time to do it.” • “One of the summit pastors described slowing down as ‘Being aware of what is going on inside of you and being able to name those things, not when you are at the verge of collapse, but as you are moving along.”

30. Emotional Intelligence • Differentiation • “We described differentiation as the “ability to remain connected in relationship to significant people in our lives and yet not have our reactions and behavior determined by them.” • The tension between “togetherness” and “separateness”.

31. Cultural Intelligence • Culture has been described as “Patterned ways of thinking, feeling and reacting to various situations and actions”. • e.g. family and church celebrations

32. Cultural Intelligence • The cultural domain of generations • Builders (born before 1946) • Baby Boomers (born after WW2 and before the mid-60s) • Generation Xers (born between the mid 60s and the 70s • Millennials (also known as Gen Y)

33. Cultural Intelligence • Leadership differences • Builder and Boomer – the hero leader. Their goal is to get people to follow them. Leadership is often reduced to a combination of grand knowing and salesmanship. • Gen X & Y – the shared vision leader. “Truly inspirational leadership is about inspiring a shared vision, not about selling their own vision that comes from the top down.”

34. Cultural Intelligence • The Church as cultural domain • “While you might think that culture is described by the written vision and values found in official values, those statements usually do not reflect the real ethos of the congregation.”

35. Cultural Intelligence • “A friend became the pastor of a church in Louisiana. After 2 weeks on the job, one of the elders, a member of an influential family, invited him to go on a fishing trip. Out on the boat, the conversation focused on the church, particularly on whether or not officers ever rotated off the ruling board. Between casts, the officer said, ‘You know, pastor, around here we don’t rotate officers…we rotate pastors.’ The pastor got the message. This was a tightly networked church, and he’d better not try to mess with this cultural rule.”

36. Cultural Intelligence

37. Cultural Intelligence • Precision vs. Ambiguity • “Precision oriented people are highly averse to uncertainty. They desire to maintain control over their life and circumstances, minimizing insecurity through policies and detailed planning. They value orderliness, consistency and structure. Conversely, people from high ambiguity culture may be offended by defined, precise goals. Life is lived ‘in the present’ and uncertainty is accepted as normal reality. As a result, they tend to have less respect for the details of the law and goals are framed in terms of a broad vision or general direction.” • e.g. Brazil, Poland, African American churches

38. Cultural Intelligence • Results vs. Relationships • “As a church planter, Jeremy was required by his denomination to identify and work toward quarterly attendance and financial goals. But for Jeremy, this was difficult. Because of his natural bent toward relationships, he felt these goals were superficial and inauthentic. So he spent most of his time networking relationally throughout the community. When it came time for denominational review, Jeremy was critiqued for not working on his goals. Then his fledgling congregation complained, first to Jeremy and then to the denomination, that he was never at work in his office. Jeremy responded by spending even more time in the community. Eventually he was replaced with a more goal-oriented person who could meet the cultural demands.”

39. Cultural Intelligence • e.g. Titus in Crete – Titus 1:12-14 - “One of the Cretans, a prophet of their own said “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.’ This testimony is true. Therefore rebuke them sharply that they may be sound in the faith, not devoting themselves to Jewish myths and the commands of people who turn away from the truth.”

40. Cultural Intelligence • “The staff of Willow Creek Community Church seems to have learned that ‘relationship attributes get results’. After spending 30 years in ministry and investing millions of dollars in sophisticated programs, they came to realize that ‘spiritual growth doesn’t happen best by becoming dependant on elaborate church programs, but through the age-old spiritual practices of prayer, Bible reading and relationships.”

41. Marriage & Family • Five stressors of family life: • The “normal” pressures of marriage and family life • The nature of ministry; always on the job • The conflicting loyalties of church and home • Abandonment from always being on the job • The unmet needs of ministry spouses for confidantes

42. Marriage & Family • “My spouse suffers from collateral damage. Sometimes it’s a direct hit. But even when that’s not happening, my spouse IS collateral damage. Some bomb went off, and unfortunately, I’m the person in whose office it went off.” – Pastor participant.

43. Marriage & Family • “Look, I want to be involved as a responsible member of our church. But my greatest contribution to the church is to support and encourage my spouse. No one else could or should fulfill that role I have. That is my first priority. I have led small groups, been part of starting a school, served on ministry teams, and coordinated the ministry. Over the years, my other role in the church have changed. But my commitment as the primary encourager and supporter of my spouse has remained constant.” – Pastor participant’s wife

44. Marriage & Family • “I don’t have the right to be wooing the bride of Christ if I’m not wooing the bride that I have. She has the right to security from me. She has the right to know that I am going to be there, come hell or high water. She has the right to know that I will turn in my resignation tomorrow if our marriage is at risk by…this ministry job.” – Pastor participant

45. Marriage & Family • Emotional security can be built by doing the following: • Intentionally sharing heart issues • Protecting and fully enjoying your marriage bed • Communicating “no vacancy” to others • Speaking only positively about your spouse, even when joking

46. Marriage & Family • Develop healthy connecting habits: • Habit 1: Take days off and keep a regular date night • Habit 2: Pursue hobbies together • Habit 3: Turn off phones • Habit 4: Keep short accounts of wrongs

47. Leadership & Management • “When I got out of seminary, I was sent out as a church planter. I didn’t know what I was doing. I found I was so deficient in the area of leadership. I had to self-educate – and I’m still doing that.” – Pastor participant

48. Leadership & Management • “When I was in seminary, I was taught how to preach and exegete the scriptures. I wasn’t taught how to exegete people…I didn’t know that pastoring was dealing with people and their messiness.”

49. Leadership & Management • Reflection is real leadership work • “Death by Meeting” – Lencioni • Daily • Weekly • Monthly • Bi-Annually • The need for focused leadership retreats

50. Leadership & Management • How do you build and maintain healthy teams? • “The 5 Dysfunctions of a Team” – Lencioni • “All In” - Gostick