COACHING BOYS INTO MEN/ COACHING GIRLS INTO WOMEN

1. COACHING BOYS INTO MEN/ COACHING GIRLS INTO WOMEN Josh M. Jasper President/CEO Riverview Center, Inc. E.N.D.-I.T. Member

3. In their own words … “My father was a violent man, His physical and verbal abuse terrorized my mother and her five kids. I was in my 50’s before I truly realized how much this experience has impacted my personality and relationships. But the cycle can be broken. We must teach our boys through our words and actions to respect women and to understand that violence is never a solution. It’s the most important coaching job I’ll ever do” Joe Torre Manager, Los Angeles Dodgers

4. What’s the problem? • 1 in 5 teenage girls experience dating violence • 40% of girls say that they know someone who has been abused by a boyfriend • 1 in 6 boys and 1 in 3 girls are sexually/physically assaulted before turning 18 • Riverview Center served 1,100 children and adults this year related to violence • Demeaning, disrespectful attitudes towards women and girls are underlying causes of dating violence, community violence and school violence

5. Rationale • Violence is a learned behavior and can be prevented • Social norms condoning violence can be shifted • Men have not been consistently engaged as allies to prevent family violence • Children pay attention to their peers • Coaches are in a unique position to help prevent violence – by promoting positive attitudes and being the role models needed for their athletes

6. Coaches are… • Mentors • Role models • Teachers • Winners • Inspirations • Influencers “Coaches have to watch for what they don’t want to see and listen for what they don’t want to hear” --John Madden

7. Great Coaches Teach More than the Game • Aggression on the field does not translate to relationships • Learning to treat people with respect • Understanding that violence never equals strength • Using this knowledge to become role models themselves

8. So what can Coaches do? • Set the stage • Give a preseason speech that clearly lets athletes know what the “team rules” are when it comes to personal conduct • Let them know where you stand on this issue – that violence is not tolerated • Keep your eyes and ears open

9. Program Goals: Take advantage of opportunities to educate your players about treating people with honor and respect and the values of healthy, non-violent relationships Coach’s Goals: This program is designed to help you instruct the next generation of athletes about attitudes and behaviors that can lead to violence against others and to prevent violence before it begins Playbook Guide

10. Playbook Components Define the Playing Field and Take the Pledge • Informs you about the disrespectful attitudes and abusive behavior that can lead to violence against others and provides a preseason game plan for addressing these issues with your team Capitalize on Teachable Moments • Provides realistic scenarios designed to help you plan ahead for incidents when you find yourself needing to mentor and guide your players. Go into Overtime • Suggests team activities that express the team’s commitment to preventing violence against others and builds awareness of the issue in the school and the community at large.

11. Coaches Kit – CBIM/CGIW Card Series • Prep Cards • Crucial for setting up and increasing chances of success with program materials • Training Cards • Weekly mini-lessons designed to engage your athletes in discussion • Teachable Moments • An opportunity to stop and make adjustments…to teach your athletes about respect • Overtime • Strategies to engage your school and community in your efforts

12. Staying on the Sidelines • Most young people say they would act if they saw obvious physical or sexual abuse • The truth is they are not comfortable to do so • Coaches can encourage athletes to recognize unacceptable behavior and confront it

13. Take the Coach/Player Pledge Incorporate this pledge into your substance abuse pledge/etc. “I believe in treating women and girls with honor and respect. I know that violence is neither a solution nor a sign of strength. I believe that real men lead with conviction and speak out against violence against women and girls. I believe that I can be a role model to others by taking this pledge.”

14. Capitalize on Teachable Moments Us Against Her: After practice you notice the team captain making negative comments about another female teammate, encouraging other girls to join in. The girl being made fun of is alone.

15. Capitalize on Teachable Moments American Idol: It’s in all the papers, headlining the evening news every night…A prominent professional player has just been charged with an assault of a woman. There have been graphic pictures shown on the news of her injuries and some unpleasant accounts from witnesses have come out in the media.

16. Capitalize on Teachable Moments Time Out: During a time out at practice, Jennifer, a freshman on the tennis team, is walking alone across the gym floor. She is known to the guys to be attractive. Some of your boys in the back notice Jennifer and start howling, whistling and making inappropriate comments. You notice she’s uncomfortable, perhaps a little scared, but she holds her head up, and continues through the gym.

17. Going into Overtime • Host a Pledge Drive • Mentor Other Youth • Build a Violence Prevention Curriculum for the School • Create a School Campaign • Host a Fundraiser • Organize a Pep Rally • Help amend your School Policy

18. Questions? www.endabuse.org

19. Thank you!