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No A**holes . . . Conflict Resolution and Creating a Civilized Workplace

No A**holes . . . Conflict Resolution and Creating a Civilized Workplace. Douglas McGregor. I believed that as a leader I could operate so that every one would like me – that “good human relations” would eliminate all discord and argument. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Objectives.

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No A**holes . . . Conflict Resolution and Creating a Civilized Workplace

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  1. No A**holes . . . Conflict Resolution and Creating a Civilized Workplace

  2. Douglas McGregor I believed that as a leader I could operate so that every one would like me – that “good human relations” would eliminate all discord and argument. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

  3. Objectives • Understand why conflict occurs • Provide techniques that can prevent conflicts from developing and escalating • Provide strategies that can resolve conflicts

  4. Word Association Write down three words that come to mind when you think of conflict.

  5. Observations • Conflict can be destructive - Nothing changes - Destroys morale - Produces irresponsible behavior • Conflict can be positive • Opens up communication • Brings out new ideas • Helps you grow as a person

  6. Myth #1 Conflict does not occur that often in the workplace.

  7. Myth #2 Conflict is most prevalent in crises situations.

  8. Myth #3 Conflict is always a matter of right vs. wrong.

  9. Myth #4 Most conflicts resolve themselves over time.

  10. Myth #5 People usually know when they have disturbed someone else.

  11. Myth #6 It’s not always what you say . . . It’s how you say it.

  12. Myth #7 Resolving employee conflict is management or administration’s responsibility.

  13. Bibliography Harvey, E. and Ventura, S. What to Do When Conflict Happens. Walk the Talk Company: Dallas, Texas, 2006 Childelin, S. and Lucas, A. The Jossey-Bass Academic Administrator’s Guide to Conflict Resolution. Jossey-Bass: New York, 2003

  14. Usual Suspects • Activity • Results

  15. The total Cost of A**holes TCA The organizational impact: employee retention and recruitment; lost clients; excessive organizational time spent on resolution.

  16. The total Cost of A**holes TCA • Calculating the TCA of temporary and certified A**holes • difficult, not impossible. • come to terms with the damage do • According to Sutton, one “Silicon Valley” company has done it: • Damage done in one year by one “certified” A**hole is $160,000.00

  17. Time spent by the “A**hole’s direct supervisor (250 hours) Valued at $25,000.00Time spent by the HR professionals (50 Hours) Valued at $5,000.00Time spent by senior executives (15 Hours) Valued at $10,000.00Time spent by the company’s outside employmentcounsel (10 Hours) Valued at $5,000.00Cost of recruiting and training a new secretary to support the A**hole Valued at $85,000.00Overtime costs associated with the A**hole’s last minute demands Valued at $25,000.00Anger management training and counseling Valued at $5,000.00Estimated total cost of A**hole for one year: $160,000.00

  18. A**hole Rules • Sutton states: • A**holes have a devastating, cumulative effect, almost five times the “punch”, for nasty interactions. • It takes 5 civilized interactions to overcome the nasty one.

  19. A**holes Rules (contd.) • Sutton says, “do things to prevent “Rule by A**holes” • Create “A**hole Detection Systems” - Identify people who persistently leave others feeling demeaned and de-energized - Verify victims have less power and social standing • Do “A**hole Audits” - Verify lack of respect for others - Verify “difference between treatment of the powerless vs. the powerful”

  20. A**holes Rules (contd.) • Develop Controls • “Constructive Confrontation” – Intel • “Create “Jerk Free” Workforce”- Moran • “Don’t spread “A**hole poison”– Sutton • A**hole – “Know Thyself” • Keep your “inner A**hole from getting out” • “A**holes are us”

  21. A**holes Rules (contd.) • Implement the “No A**hole Rule” • Screen out and reform all A**holes in the workplace. • Enforce the “No Jerks” Rule • Act when the incident occurs • Enforce is everyone’s job • “Press the delete key” and expel all A**holes from the system. Sutton

  22. bibliography • Sutton, R. The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One that Isn’t. Warner Books:New York, 2007 ISBN: 13: 978-0-446-52656-2

  23. Clip #1

  24. What Is Conflict? *A disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests or concerns. *University of Michigan, School of Psychology

  25. Styles Of Resolution • Competing • Assertive • Uncooperative • Power-oriented mode • Pursues own concerns • Accommodating • Unassertive • Cooperative • Opposite of compeling • Sacrifice own needs for those of others

  26. Styles Of Resolution (contd.) • Avoiding • Unassertive • Uncooperative • Does not address conflict • Postpones the issue • Collaborating • Cooperative • Opposite of avoiding • Finds win-win solutions for all

  27. Styles Of Resolution (contd.) • Compromising • Combination of assertiveness and cooperativeness • Seeks quick “middle-ground” position • Limited issue analysis • Lacks depth of collaborating skill

  28. Fight Or Flight? • Hans Selye “Dr. Stress” • “The Stress of Life” • Selye, H. New York: McGraw-Hill, 1956. Rev. ed. 1976 • General Adaptation Syndrome • Alarm • Resistance • Exhaustion

  29. Selye, H. The Stress of Life. New York: McGrawHill, 1956. Rev. ed. 1976 Selye, H. The Story of the Adaptation Syndrome. Montreal: Acta, Inc., 1952. Bibliography

  30. Clip # 2

  31. Reframing techniques • Strategies for easing the journey through conflict resolution • Active Listening Strategy • Builds rapport and openness • Helps give a clear picture • Affirms, Acknowledges and Explores the problem • Diffuses inflammatory situations

  32. Reframing techniques(contd.) • Using “I” Statements Strategy • Eliminates blaming / attacking • Delivers your views clearly • Remember to say • “When…” • “I feel…” • “What I would like is that I…”

  33. Reframing techniques(contd.) • Describing Behavior Strategy • Do not judge individual’s character • Do not evaluate individual’s character • Make clear statement describing the individual’s behavior • Example

  34. Clip #3

  35. Conflict observations Are natural Occur frequently Affect a lot of people Don’t resolve themselves

  36. Conflict resolution • Requires parties involved to bear the primary responsibility to work things out. • Must be dealt with deliberately and carefully. • Takes proven strategies & guidelines • TAKES A PLAN!!

  37. C.A.L.M Model • Clarify the Issue • Address the Problem • Listen to the Other Side • Manage your way to Resolution

  38. Clarifying The Issue • Define and Understand terms.Words have different meanings especially when spoken with inflection. “I did not say she stole the money”. • Dissect the Conflict Step back and think “Move conflict from the heart to the head”

  39. Clarifying The Issue • Conflict Clarification Questions • What am I upset about? • What happened? • What and Why am I feeling? • (anger, frustration, fear, etc.) • How might I have contributed to the problem? • Am I overreacting? • Is the other person overreacting? • What resolution outcomes do I desire? • Am I reacting from “heart or head”?

  40. Address The Problem • Discussion – The most critical activity • 10 Steps to Discussions • Make sure the environment is right. • Have a walk-in strategy • Get to the point • Attack the problem, not the person • Share your feelings…and how you are impacted. • Stay away from hearsay • Pay attention to your body language • Control your emotions • Keep the desired end-state in mind • Think “dialogue” – not “monologue”

  41. Address The Problem(contd.) • The Opening “I need your help to solve a problem I’m facing”. • The Description of the issue. Describe in specific, factual, and non-accusatory terms.

  42. Listen To The Other Side Response to opening statement in either of TWO WAYS: • With an Apology or • Denial with their own concerns In this case you must LISTEN!! Say, “I would really like to hear your thoughts and feelings about this.”

  43. Listen To The Other Side (contd.) • Listening Tips • Give your Total Attention Maintain eye contact • NEVER Interrupt • It’s disrespectful • Ask Questions for Clarification • “I’m unclear about what you said. Could you say it again.” • Paraphrase • What I hear you saying is…..Is that correct? • Show that you are listening. • Lean forward, nod your head, etc.

  44. Manage A Way To Resolution • Gain agreement that problem exists • Identify each other’s concerns and needs (Identify commonalities) • Explore possible win-win solutions • Agree on a course of action • Determine how missteps will be handled • Close on a positive note.

  45. Clip #4

  46. Conclusion “Conflict is inevitable but combat is optional.” ~ Max Lucade

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