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COMMUNICATION CLIMATE

COMMUNICATION CLIMATE. Relationships = Weather fair & warm stormy & cold polluted clear & healthy Key to Positive Relationships. What are the features of satisfying personal relationships?. Investment Commitment Trust Self-disclosure Comfort with Relational Dialectics

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COMMUNICATION CLIMATE

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  1. COMMUNICATION CLIMATE Relationships = Weather fair & warm stormy & cold polluted clear & healthy Key to Positive Relationships

  2. What are the features of satisfying personal relationships? • Investment • Commitment • Trust • Self-disclosure • Comfort with Relational Dialectics • Autonomy/Connection • Novelty/Prediction • Openness/Closedness

  3. Negotiating Dialectical Tensions • Four Ways: • Neutralization-negotiate a balance b/t needs • Selection-give priority to one over the other • Separation-assign each to other spheres of interaction • Reframing-redefine contradictory needs not in opposition

  4. What makes communication climates positive or negative? • The degree to which people feel valued by one another • Confirming Communication=messages conveying value • Disconfirming Communication=messages conveying lack of regard

  5. Levels of Message Confirm & Disconfirm

  6. Disconfirming Messages-7 types • Impervious: no acknowledgement of other’s message • Interrupting: speak before other finishes • Irrelevant: comment unrelated to what other just said • Tangential: “take-away”-shift to different topic • Impersonal: cliché • Ambiguous: more than one meaning • Incongruous: contradicting messages

  7. Disagreeing Messages- “You’re wrong” • Aggressive: most destructive, attacks other’s self-concept-name calling, put-downs, sarcasm, taunting, yelling, badgering • Complaining: desire to note dissatisfaction/not argue • Argumentativeness: defending while attacking

  8. Confirming Messages • Recognition: most fundamental-return hellos, return an email or phone message • Acknowledgment: interested in ideas & feelings of others-stronger form of confirm-Listening most common-asking questions, paraphrasing, reflecting • Endorsement: agreeing with other/find other’s ideas important, communicating the highest form of valuing-also, praising & complimenting

  9. Defensiveness-Face-Threatening • Distorting Critical Information • Rationalization • Compensation • Regression • Avoiding Dissonant Information • Physical avoidance • Repression • Apathy • Displacement

  10. Gibb’s Categories-Useful Tools • Evaluation vs Description • Judgments, “you” language vs description of behavior using “I” language -You don’t know what you’re talking about! vs -I don’t understand how you came up with that idea. -Those jokes are disgusting! vs -When you tell those off-color jokes, I get really embarrassed.

  11. More Gibb • Control vs Problem-Orientation • Imposing a solution with little regard of other vs • Finding a solution that satisfies both There’s only one way to handle this problem… vs Looks like we have a problem. Let’s work out a solution we can both live with.

  12. More Gibb • Strategy vs Spontaneity • Hiding ulterior motives vs being honest w/o manipulation Tom and Judy go out to dinner every week. vs I’d like to go out to dinner more often.

  13. More Gibb • Neutrality vs Empathy • Indifference vs accepting/putting self in other’s place That’s what happens when you don’t plan properly. vs Ouch—looks like this didn’t turn out the way you expected.

  14. More Gibb • Superiority vs Equality • I am better than you messages vs others have worth You don’t know what you’re talking about. vs I see it a different way.

  15. More Gibb • Certainty vs Provisionalism • Dogmatism, I’m right vs changeable/reasonable That will never work. vs I think you’ll run into problems with that approach.

  16. Five Guidelines for creating healthy climates • Actively build confirming climates • Accept & confirm others • Affirm & assert yourself • Respect diversity in relationships

  17. 5. Responding Constructively/Non-defensivelyto Criticism • Seek more information • Ask for specifics • Guess about specifics • Paraphrase the speaker’s ideas • Ask what the critic wants • Ask what else is wrong • Agree with the facts/what’s true • Agree with the critic’s perception

  18. Using Descriptive Language This paper is poorly done vs This paper does not include relevant background information. • You’re lazy. • I hate the way you dominate conversations with me. • Stop obsessing about the problem. • You’re too involved.

  19. Communicating Assertively • I guess your preference for going to the party is more important than my studying. • I don’t need your permission to go out. I’ll do what I please. • I suppose I could work extra next week if you really need a loan. • I don’t like it when you spend time with Tim. Either stop seeing him, or we’re through.

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