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The Five stages of the Grieving Process

The Five stages of the Grieving Process. Based on Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ model. Step 1 – Denial and Isolation.

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The Five stages of the Grieving Process

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  1. The Five stages of the Grieving Process Based on Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ model

  2. Step 1 – Denial and Isolation • At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place(—"I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me. , and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

  3. Step 2 – Anger/Guilt • The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place (Guilt), even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

  4. Step 3 - Bargaining • Now the grieving person may make bargains with a higher power, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?" "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if...“ We become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…”

  5. Step 4 - Depression • The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath. “why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"

  6. Step 5 - Acceptance • This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually we accept it. We learn to live with it.

  7. Grief and Stress • During grief, it is common to have many conflicting feelings. Sorrow, anger, loneliness, sadness, shame, anxiety, and guilt often accompany serious losses. Having so many strong feelings can be very stressful.

  8. Yet denying the feelings, and failing to work through the five stages of grief, is harder on the body and mind than going through them. When people suggest "looking on the bright side," or other ways of cutting off difficult feelings, the grieving person may feel pressured to hide or deny these emotions. Then it will take longer for healing to take place.

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