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Revising a 5 paragraph essay to a 10 on 1 essay

Revising a 5 paragraph essay to a 10 on 1 essay. Chapter 10 of Writing Analytically : p. 216-221. Example Essay. Thesis statement: My sorority reveals that I am a hard-working person, value good leadership skills, and have changed to be a more outgoing, friendly person.

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Revising a 5 paragraph essay to a 10 on 1 essay

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  1. Revising a 5 paragraph essay to a 10 on 1 essay Chapter 10 of Writing Analytically: p. 216-221

  2. Example Essay • Thesis statement: My sorority reveals that I am a hard-working person, value good leadership skills, and have changed to be a more outgoing, friendly person. • My sorority shows that I am a hard-working person because I have been involved in several activities this year. • My sorority shows that I value good leadership skills, because I have worked on stepping up as a leader this past year. • My sorority shows that I have changed to be a more outgoing, friendly person because I’ve had to meet several people in the community as a result of my leadership and I wasn’t always this outgoing. • In conclusion, read my introduction.

  3. Revision Strategy 1 • Assume that the essay’s “answer”—its conclusion about the evidence—does not yet go far enough. • In this example, the writer is merely restating the introduction. The conclusion could go farther than that.

  4. Revision Strategy 2 • Find a “1” to use with the 10 on 1—a piece of the evidence sufficiently revealing to be analyzed in more detail; then zoom in on it. • Perhaps the last part of this essay could work: “My community shows that I have become a more outgoing, friendly person because of my leadership position.”

  5. Revision Strategy 3 • To find the most revealing piece or feature of the evidence, keep asking, What can be said with some certainty about the evidence? • Perhaps: All three pieces reveal that I have changed because of my involvement in this community.

  6. Revision Strategy 4 • Examine the evidence closely enough to see what questions the details imply and what other patterns they reveal. • Already asked: How does it define me? • Maybe: How has this community changed me as a person? • Changed me as a leader AND as a more outgoing, friendly person. • Doesn’t work so much for first part (shown that I’m a hard-working person).

  7. Revision Strategy 5 • Uncover implications in your zoom that can develop your interpretation further. • Talk about how this community has defined you as it has changed you into a different version of yourself. • Work on going into farther detail about this.

  8. Revision Strategy 6 • Look for difference within similarity to better focus the thesis. • While the sorority has helped you become a better leader, you had to become a more outgoing and friendly person first to achieve this. • This took some time and trial and error that you could go into with the essay.

  9. Revision Strategy 7 • Constellate the evidence to experiment with alternative thesis options. • Possible thesis: My sorority has helped transform me into a better leader this year as I struggled to become a more outgoing person my first year of membership.

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