Intimacy Involves Including Another in Your Self Concept

Intimate Relationshipsa person’s desire for a warm, close relationship. The sharing of that which is inmost with others (could we get any cheesier?)

Intimacy Involves Including Another in Your Self Concept • Attribution process -less of a distinction between themselves and others -costs and rewards are not as important -Partner’s self schema is part of our own -shared memory

Parent-Child Attachments • Ainsworth: three types of attachment styles in infancy • Secure • Avoidant • Anxious-ambivalent • Hazan, Shaver, and Bradshaw (1988)

Infants Secure 62% Avoidant 23% A-A 15% Adults 56% 24% 20% Hazan, Shaver, and Bradshaw

Childhood Attachment and Romantic Relationships • seeking or avoiding intimacy in adulthood has roots in childhood experience • Securely attached people learn how to foster intimacy • Couples with securely attached people are happiest

Friendship • Superficial • based on the exchange principle. • Developed • Based on exchange AND mutual concern

Self-Disclosure • Revealing of personal information about oneself • Social Penetration Theory • Development of a relationship moves from discussion of superficial topics to more intimate topics • Cultural Differences between North Americans and Eastern cultures

Romantic Relationships • Initial Romantic encounters are often ambiguous • Pick up lines • Unrequited Lovegrieve, assign blame, accept failure, move on • Emphasis on Persistence

Sternberg’s Theory of Love

Men in Love • Men appear to be more eager to fall in love than women do • More likely to believe in love at first sight • More likely to be idealistic • Fall in love faster and out of love more slowly

Sex and Relationship Issues • Dating relationships with sex last longer…why? • The Coolidge effect

Ending Relationships • Women more likely to initiate break ups • Initiator suffers the least • Men and women deal in different ways

Intimacy Involves Including Another in Your Self Concept