Refusal Skills and THE Right to Say “No”

Refusal Skills and THE Right to Say “No” Sexual Health Program Public Health Services March 2012

Refusal Skills What are Refusal Skills? Why do we need to learn about refusal skills in relationships?

Refusal Skills Refusal skills are ways to say “NO” to risky behaviors. Respect

Refusal Skills Refusal skillshelp students to resist peer pressure and to maintain their self-respect at the same. Refusal skills can be used in situations of crime, drug and alcohol use, sexual activity and violence. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Refusal Skills / Peer Pressure Refusal skillscan also be used in any peer pressure situations. Adolescents are very sensitive to peer pressure and do not want their peers to make fun of or ridicule them.

Peer Pressure Peer pressurecan be difficult for some students to resist. Why do you think this is?

Peer Pressure Students may be… - afraid of being rejected by others - want to be liked and don’t want to lose a friend - don’t want to be made fun of - don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings - aren’t sure of what they really want - don’t know how to get out of the situation

Peer Pressure Saying “no” can sometimes be hard, but you might be surprised how easy it gets with practice. If you know you are going to be some place where you might be in a difficult position, plan a response or action ahead of time.

Refusal Skills Techniques Some ways that have worked for youth… Just say “NO” or “NO THANKS”! Keep on repeating it. Refuse – “Don’t feel like it.” “No way.” Leave- this way you can't be persuaded to join in. Leave quietly while no one notices or by making an excuse or joke - “You guys are too crazy for me ...see you later.” Make an excuse. "Can't stop now, got to go....."“I’ll barf.” or “I have to get up in the morning.” Pretend you haven't heard and walk away

Refusal Skills Techniques Change the subject – talk about something else Laugh - "I thought you said… You've got to be joking!" then change the subject or leave - still laughing. Pretend to be shocked or amazed Come up with a better idea – “Nah, that doesn’t sound like much fun. Let’s go play video games at my house instead.” Blame your parents – My Mom can smell this stuff a mile away and I’ll get grounded for months.”

Refusal Skills Techniques Give friendly advice: “That could be a dumb thing to do. Whose idea was it? You're too smart to get into that.” “I'm not doing this because I'm your friend and I don't want to see you get into trouble.” “That's a bit unkind. How would you feel if someone did (said) that to you?“” “Everybody's different, even you.” “You're entitled to your opinion, I'm entitled to mine.”

More Techniques Turn the TablesIf the person won’t let up try turning the tables and ask, “why do you care if I do or don’t ?” Be confident in your response. State the TruthPeople don’t like being accused of peer pressuring others, so try stating the obvious, “wow, the peer pressure in this room is pretty strong!” then smile and walk away. Be ProactiveIf you know you are in a situation where you are likely to be offered alcohol or other drugs, leave before you ever get to that point. Accept the Person, Reject the BehaviourIf the person is giving you a hard time try telling the person, “I respect your choice to do drugs, respect mine not to.”

NICE Technique N – say “NO” not “maybe” or “later” I – use an “I” statement – “I do not want to…” C – “change” the topic E – have an “exit” plan for leaving a pressure situation

Sandwich Technique Sandwich formula (positive-negative-positive) 1. Compliment the person (positive) 2. Refuse or be negative about the activity, not the person (negative) 3. Come back with a positive suggestion (positive)

Sandwich Techniques Examples: “I really like hanging with you. Drugs are not my style though. Besides I would get kicked off the hockey team if I was caught doing drugs.” “No way man, smoking is stupid. Let’s go see who is playing basketball at the school.” “No thanks, alcohol is not for me. My parents would ground me for a month if they thought I tried that stuff.” “I would be very happy to help you with your assignment. I cannot work with you if you are drinking though. Why don’t you come to my house with me after school?” Can you think of some ???

Refusal Skills Whatever you do, speak firmly. Let your friends know that your mind is made up and you will not talk about it any more. Encourage others to choose healthful and responsible behaviors.

Quote from teens: “Be yourself. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

Refusal Skills Best answer for any type of pressure is “Good-bye!”

Rights You have the right to resist anyone or anything that someone is pressuring you to do. You have the right to say no, the right not to give a reason why, and the right to just walk away from the situation.

Right to Say “NO” * Religious/moral beliefs/ values * Do not want to keep secrets from parents * To avoid guilt, fear and disappointment * More time for friends and activities * Can increase personal growth * Can develop a more positive relationships NO worries about potential consequences

Right to Say “NO” You are the one who needs to decide what makes you feel happy and comfortable doing. You deserve to be liked, respected and loved for more than your willingness to participate in risky behaviors. You have a right to say “NO” at any time!

Quotes “ You matter. You are the sum of your heart and mind and spirit. ”

Quotes Quote by Dr. Suess: “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

Resources AADAC, OYZ Refusal Strategy Toolkitwww.family.samhsa.govwww.theantidrug.com Great to Wait website www.greattowait.com/parents-educators.html Public Health Agency of Canada (PHAC) Sex?-A Healthy Sexuality Resource Nova Scotia Public Health Services www.gov.ns.ca/ohp Sexuality and U website-www.sexualityandu.ca Wikipedia

Refusal Skills and THE Right to Say “No”