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New Ways to Manage Difficult Behaviors : Putting Some Fun Back Into Parenting

New Ways to Manage Difficult Behaviors : Putting Some Fun Back Into Parenting. Attachment is the process by which an emotional connection develops between an infant and his/her caretaker This process organizes the infant physiologically and psychologically

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New Ways to Manage Difficult Behaviors : Putting Some Fun Back Into Parenting

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  1. New Ways to Manage Difficult Behaviors: Putting Some Fun Back Into Parenting

  2. Attachment is the process by which an emotional connection develops between an infant and his/her caretaker This process organizes the infant physiologically and psychologically Attachment becomes the basis for how he/she will relate to the world, learn and form relationships In addition to the basic needs such as food, shelter and clothing, the infant needs emotional care which is essential for his/her development Attachment grows through daily interactions between caretaker and infant Smiles, nurturing touch, eye contact, mutual play build trust and security in the child This first relationship becomes the blueprint for all future relationships It is also the origin of conscience development, empathy, self-esteem and cause and effect thinking Insecure attachment patterns seen in 80% of maltreated children Attachment

  3. NEED ANGER HIGH AROUSAL RAGE TRUST GRATIFICATION 3

  4. Attachment • Losses prior to adoption impact the quality of attachments in adoption • Multiple foster home placements adversely affect subsequent attachments • Repeated failed reunifications trials complicate future attachments • Supportive relationships need to be preserved as a child moves from place to place

  5. Attachment Interrupters • Prenatal exposure to drugs/alcohol • Neglect • Sexual Abuse • Physical Abuse • Separations from parents/caregivers (abandonment) • Pain the parent cannot alleviate 5

  6. 7 Core IssuesThe Adoption Overlay • Loss • Grief • Self-concept • Identity • Shame and Guilt • Intimacy and Relationships • Control

  7. The 4 Developmental Domains • PHYSICAL • COGNITIVE • SOCIAL • EMOTIONAL

  8. Think Deer….

  9. DISSOCIATION AFFECT REGULATION • Difficulty with emotional self-regulation • Difficulty describing feelings and internal experience • Problems knowing and describing internal states • Difficulty communicating wishes and desires • Predisposed to earlier onset of affective problems, which is associated with more episodes and poorer outcome • Distinct alterations in states of consciousness • Two or more distinct states of consciousness • Hyperarousal & Dissociative • Begins as a protective defense mechanism and then is utilized more frequently as trauma continues

  10. Research Vineland Adaptive Behavioral Scales

  11. Research Communication Domain • Receptive • Expressive • Written Daily Living Skills Domain • Personal • Domestic • Community The Vineland Measures Development… Socialization Domain • Interpersonal Relationships • Play and Leisure Time • Coping Skills Motor Skills Domain • Gross • Fine • Behavior • Internalizing • Externalizing

  12. Chronological Age 4 years, 4 months 5 years, 7 months Communication • Receptive 1 year, 3 months 1 year, 6 months • Expressive 2 years, 6 months 3 years, 5 months • Written 4 years, 5 months 4 years, 11 months Daily Living Skills • Personal 3 years, 1 month 5 years, 0 months • Domestic 4 years, 6 months 5 years, 6 months • Community 3 years, 1 month 4 years, 5 months Socialization • Interpersonal Relationships 1 year, 1 month 2 years, 0 months • Play and Leisure Time 0 years, 4 months 0 years, 8 months • Coping Skills 1 year, 10 months 3 years, 4 months Motor Skills Domain • Gross 2 years, 1 month 4 years, 11 months • Fine 3 years, 6 months 4 years, 7 months Behavior • Internalizing Clinically Significant Clinically Significant • Externalizing Elevated Elevated

  13. Chronological Age 6 y, 0m 7 y, 0 m 8y, 3m Communication • Receptive 1 y, 6 m 1 y, 11 m 2y, 2m • Expressive 3 y, 2 m 5 y, 0 m 4y, 6 m • Written 5 y, 2 m 6 y, 9 m 7y, 9 m Daily Living Skills • Personal 4 y, 7 m 6 y, 1 m 6y, 6m • Domestic 4 y, 4 m 3 y, 11 m 7y, 7m • Community 3 y, 7 m 5 y, 5 m 5y, 5m Socialization • Interpersonal Relationships 0 y, 3 m 2 y, 3 m 2y, 5 m • Play and Leisure Time 0 y, 9 m 2 y, 10 m 2y, 10m • Coping Skills 1 y, 6 m 2 y, 3 m 2y, 2m Motor Skills Domain • Gross 4 y, 5 m 5 y, 11 m 6y, 10m • Fine 6 y, 6 m 6 y, 6 m 6y, 10m Behavior • Internalizing CS CS CS • Externalizing CS CS CS

  14. Chronological Age 7 years, 11 months 9 years, 1 months Communication • Receptive 1 year, 11 months 2 years, 11 months • Expressive 6 years, 4 months 6 years, 7 months • Written 9 years, 0 months 10 years, 8 months Daily Living Skills • Personal 6 years, 1 month 6 years, 6 months • Domestic 5 years, 5 months 9 years, 6 months • Community 7 years, 6 months 8 years, 7 months Socialization • Interpersonal Relationships 1 year, 1 month 1 years, 9 months • Play and Leisure Time 2 years, 9 months 5 years, 3 months • Coping Skills 1 year, 6 months 3 years, 5 months Motor Skills Domain • Gross Age Equivalent Age Equivalent • Fine 4 years,11 months 6 years, 10 months Behavior • Internalizing Clinically Significant Elevated • Externalizing Clinically Significant Elevated

  15. Chronological Age 11 years, 1 months 12 years, 5 months Communication • Receptive 1 year, 9 months 3 years, 11 months • Expressive 5 years, 11 months 7 years, 7 months • Written 9 years, 2 months 10 years, 10 months Daily Living Skills • Personal 5 years, 11 month 11 years, 3 months • Domestic 7 years, 7 months 9 years, 6 months • Community 8 years, 11 months 9 years, 6 months Socialization • Interpersonal Relationships 0 year, 11 month 3 years, 7 months • Play and Leisure Time 3 years, 2 months 9 years, 3 months • Coping Skills 2 year, 3 months 5 years, 6 months Motor Skills Domain • Gross Age Equivalent Age Equivalent • Fine Age Equivalent Age Equivalent Behavior • Internalizing Clinically Significant Elevated • Externalizing Clinically Significant Elevated

  16. Developmental DelaysMost Common • Cause-and-Effect Thinking • Problem-Solving Skills • Moral Development • Emotional Stability • Identify • Express • Regulate • Social Skills/Play Skills • Reciprocity • Trust/Respect for Authority • Ability to Delay Gratification • Abstract Thinking • Initiative

  17. Developmental Delays Cause and Effect Thinking Problem-Solving Skills Moral Development Social Skills

  18. Parenting Pearls… • Developmental Parenting • “Developmental interruptions result in delays that leave the individual developmentally immature”

  19. Facing Frustrations Inducement

  20. Parenting Pearls…Control, Control, Control • What you want to control • What you need to control • What you can control • What you should not control • What you cannot control

  21. Win the ones you take on Pick and choose carefully Avoid control battles 21

  22. Parenting Pearls… • The only behaviors that people can truly change are their own

  23. Ineffective Parenting Tools No: • Threats • Reminders • Warnings • Bribes Less Talk More Action!

  24. Parenting Pearls… • Too much talk causes too little listening

  25. Ineffective Parenting Tools • Rewards • Incentives • Removal of Privileges • Time Out • Grounding • Isolation 25 Keck and Kupecky PARENTING THE HURT CHILD

  26. Effective Parenting Tools

  27. Effective Parenting Tools Natural and Logical Consequences Paradox Joining In Choices Time In Praise – “Global” vs. “Specific” Prescribing Symptom “Consistent” vs. “Unpredictable” 27

  28. A Tool-Box of Techniques Nurture Repeating the “Cycle of Needs”

  29. A Tool-Box of TechniquesNurture Eye contact • Staring contest • Play peek-a-boo • Look at each other and name ways you match • Candy kiss hunt • Face painting • “I love you” in soap on mirror Touch • Styling hair • Scratching back • Hand on the shoulder • Hold hands while walking • Kisses • Clapping games • Hugs, hugs and more hugs!

  30. A Tool-Box of TechniquesNurture • Talking • Sing together • Read together • Talk in the car • Nursery rhymes • Trace a word on your child’s back • Identify faces What a beautiful baby!

  31. A Tool-Box of TechniquesNurture • Smell • Lotion • Candle • Bake cookies • Warmth • Dry mittens in the dryer • Hot chocolate • Pup tent • Special blanket

  32. A Tool-Box of TechniquesNurture • Motion • Blow bubbles • Fly a kite • Rock • Catch fireflies • Make a snow angel • Shoot baskets

  33. A Tool-Box of TechniquesNurture • Food • Have a banana split for dinner • Go on a picnic • Say, “Yes, you may have a cookie after dinner • Have a tea party • Eat be candlelight with the kids • Cut sandwiches into heart shapes • Sprinkle chocolate chips on pancakes Nurture with rather than battle overfood

  34. Books by the Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio

  35. Arleta James, PCC Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio 12608 State Road Suite 1 Cleveland, OH 44133 440-230-1960, ext. 4 arletajames@gmail.com www.arletajames.com

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