Nurturing Non-Violent Resistance: Reconciliation for Child Behavior Issues

1. Non Violent Resistanceand a Focus on the Childproblem behaviour, resistance, reconciliation and child needs – a brief introduction Dr Peter Jakob Consultant Clinical Psychologist

2. Presence Mind and Child Focus – the both/and of NVR • A sense of agency in resisting harmful behaviour facilitates parents’ to move from erasure into a presence mind state of consciousness. It is the therapist’s task to facilitate the parent’s sense of agency. • As they enter the presence state of mind, parents/caregivers become able to imagine the caring dialogue. It is the therapist’s task to facilitate their imagination of this preferred future. • Imagining the caring dialogue re-organises the parents’ conscious and unconscious responses towards the child: by turning toward the child, parents become re-attached – they become aware of the child, attuned to the child, empathic, compassionate and show caring responsiveness. • Caring for the child is the parents’ task – which they are happy to carry.

3. Interpersonal Grounding Sequence and sit-in as de-sensitisation therapy – activating interpersonal resource in the parent’s recovery from trauma • Step 1: Prepare sit-in role play – parent looks closely at the body and face of her safe supporter; then verbalises what she sees, what she feels in her body, what she thinks and feels emotionally as she watches her supporter. • Step 2: Parent visualises her child’s anticipated reaction during a sit-in; and again verbalises her body sensation, cognition and emotion. • Step 3: The parent looks back and forth between imagined child and safe supporter noticing the changes in her body, thinking and emotions – until she feels self-regulated.

4. Interpersonal Grounding Sequence continued… • Step 4: Identify what the parent would like safe supporter to do to remind her of their presence, should she start becoming dysregulated. Agree on signal system. • Step 5: Supporter identifies signs of dysregulation in parent. Agree on what safe supporter should do if parent is not able to communicate with them. • Step 6: Carry out action together. • Bridges trauma state with sense of safety during supportive interaction

5. Helping parents to re-attune and imagine a preferred future in the caring dialogue • Imaginary Caring dialogue: • Step 1 – Guide parent imagery of child signalling distress; • Step 2 – What reconciliation gesture would the child want, to show that the parent empathises and cares. • Step 3 – Parent makes need-focussed reconciliation gesture in real life. • Interview of the internalised child in need • (derived from David Epston / Karl Tom’s internalised other interview): • Step 1 – Direct parents to ‘look behind’ the aggression and express unmet need in the voice of the child. • Step 2 – Ask internalised ‘child’ for the desired reconciliation gesture. • Step 3 – Parent makes need-focussed reconciliation gesture in real life.

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