Effective and Ineffective Feedback

1. Effective and Ineffective Feedback Not Known to Self Known to Self Known to Others Disclosure & (Opening Up) Not Known to Others Feedback from Others * Based on the Johari Window of Interpersonal Development

2. Effective and Ineffective Feedback Not Known to Self Known to Self Known to Others Disclosure & (Opening Up) Not Known to Others Feedback from Others * Based on the Johari Window of Interpersonal Development

3. HELPFUL INTERPERSONAL FEEDBACK

4. It’s helpful when it is wanted and not “forced.” Helpful Feedback Is: • desired by the receiver, not imposed on him or her for his/her own good. “You asked me to let you know when you muffle your presentations. Please explain again. I couldn’t hear you.” versus “Let me tell you why no one ever sees you as persuasive.”

5. Senders judgment's can cause defensiveness • Is descriptive, not evaluative, when we say to someone “You are finishing my sentences for me not always the way I would.” versus “You are being rude.”

6. It can be understood and acted upon by the receiver • Is specific, not general. “Based upon your response I’m not sure you understood fully what I said.” • versus“This whole conversation has gone nowhere.”

7. Is "owned" by the sender who uses “I” messages and takes responsibility for his/she thoughts and feelings • It’s owned “Based upon your response, I may not have made myself clear.” versus “You never listen.” (Also to general and evaluative.)

8. Timing is everything • Is timely and in context. “Your response indicated I may not have made myself very clear.” versus “When we argued yesterday, you really didn’t listen to what I said.”

9. Sharing affect • Includes, when appropriate, how you feel about the behavior. “I can’t seem to finish clarifying my position before you tell me yours.” I feel frustrated and find it hard to work through our differences.” versus “Damn, there you go again.”

10. Make sure the receiver understands • Is checked for clarity to ensure the receiver fully understands what is being conveyed. “Do you understand what I mean when I say you seem to be sending me a mixed message. Here is another example.” versus “Stop interrupting me with ‘yes buts.’ ”

11. Disguising evaluative feedback as a questions confuses others • Asks relevant questions:“Will everyone have a chance to state an opinion? versus questions which are really statements.“Do you think I am going to let you get away with dominating the meeting?” Or sound like traps“How many times have you been late to this meeting?”

12. Empathy matters • Affirms the other person's worth by acknowledging his/her right to have the reactions she or he has, what ever they may be.“It must really hurt.” versus“Come-on, you are just over reacting.”