Key Principles for Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

1. Key Principles for Resolving Interpersonal Conflict “Conflict is the engine that drives interpersonal and organizational growth” Mark Umbreit

2. Key Principles for Resolving Interpersonal Conflict • The more direct and timely the conflict is confronted, the better…usually. • Be direct and tough on resolving the problem, but gentle and respectful on the person.

3. Key Principles for Resolving Interpersonal Conflict • Good conflict resolution skills are not hard to learn…you can do it! It just takes practice, practice, and more practice. • Good skills & techniques alone are not the answer.

4. Key Principles for Resolving Interpersonal Conflict • The essence of good communication skills in resolving conflict is to be found in the presence of integrity…a consistency between that which we are thinking, are saying verbally, our bodies are communicating, how we are feeling, and the deeper values within our heart.

5. Key Principles for Resolving Interpersonal Conflict • Understanding and responding to conflict must be viewed through appropriate and relevant cultural lenses.

6. Creating a Safe Spacefor Conflict Management(Danaan Parry in Warriors of the Heart) It is necessary to create safe space in which to resolve conflict. Here are a few of the things you and I need to STOP doing if we want to create a safe space.

7. Creating a Safe Spacefor Conflict Management(Danaan Parry in Warriors of the Heart) • STOP assuming that your truth is THE truth. What is true for you is not necessarily true for another.

8. Creating a Safe Spacefor Conflict Management(Danaan Parry in Warriors of the Heart) • STOP insisting that other people must agree with you. Disagreement is okay. Don’t “cross-examine” people.

9. Creating a Safe Spacefor Conflict Management(Danaan Parry in Warriors of the Heart) • STOP unconsciously assuming that anyone else will see it the way you see it. Always check it out.

10. Creating a Safe Spacefor Conflict Management(Danaan Parry in Warriors of the Heart) • STOP invalidating other people’s experience just because it doesn’t agree with your experience.

11. Creating a Safe Spacefor Conflict Management(Danaan Parry in Warriors of the Heart) • STOP blaming anyone else for how you feel or what happens to you. Take full responsibility for yourself.

12. Creating a Safe Spacefor Conflict Management(Danaan Parry in Warriors of the Heart) A communication technique to maintain safe space in conflict resolution is the circular energy flow. Listen - Clarify - Assess - Speak

13. When dealing with difficult behaviors, what is your role as a supervisor? • Traffic cop • Teacher • Counselor • Disciplinarian • Friend • Mentor • ??

14. 10 Classic Problem Types • TheTank • TheSniper • TheGrenade • TheKnow-It-All • TheThink-They-Know-It- All • TheYesPerson • TheMaybePerson • TheNothingPerson • TheNoPerson • TheWhiner Adapted from Dealing With People You Can’t Stand, Dr. Rick Brinkman & Dr. Rick Kirschner

15. From the Norm to the Extreme… Task Focus NormalZone Passive Aggressive People Focus

16. From Conflict to Cooperation Essential Skills • Neutralizing • Any action that neutralizes negative behavior in order to meet them where they are and move to common ground • Redirecting • Any behavior that changes the direction of an interaction. Neutralizing precedes redirecting.

17. Neutralizing • Neutralize with body and facial expressions • Neutralize vocally with volume and speed • Don’t Engage -- Probe! • Listen to understand -- it is not “mine or theirs” • Empathize • Backtrack • Clarify • Summarize what you’ve heard • Confirm to make sure you got it right

18. Redirecting • Identify positive intent • Their point is valid • Apply “Positive Intent” to… • Getting the job done • Getting the job done right • Getting along with others • Getting appreciation

19. Speak to be Understood • Assertion vs. Aggression -- monitor your tone of voice • State your intention • Tactfully control interruptions • Tell your truth • Use “I” language • Be specific about the problem behavior (impact) • Help them understand how their behavior is self defeating • Suggest new behaviors or options • Stay flexible --explore options -- question before defending • Reframe instead of rebut

20. Get What You Project and Expect • Raise your expectations of people to help them raise their expectations of themselves. • Acknowledge their effort • Be tough on bad behavior • Expect good behavior • Assume the best and give the benefit of the doubt • Appreciate constructive criticism • Don’t be defensive • Verbally appreciate the person providing the criticism • Redirect if necessary - focus on activities, not persons

21. Choices for Defensive Behavior • Take responsibility -- know when it happens • Tell people what is happening with you -- they will help • Slow down! • Acknowledge the negative chatter in your head -- it is not about you! • Check your, and others, assumptions • Emotionally Detach! Don’t identify with the situation or take it as an attack

22. Solving conflicts… • Someone working more than the others • Quarrel between two employees • Leaving one employee out of the team • Blackening the others • Cultural differences • Religion and language • Competition