Assertiveness in Working with Deaf-Blind People

1. Assertiveness in Working with Deaf-Blind People From Guidelines pages 175-185

2. Being Nice • Being nice is disrespectful when it is a rescue. • Don’t be a silent martyr • Be respectful when expressing your needs • You cannot wait until you take care of the other person’s needs to attend your own. • This will lead to “burn out” • It is better if the needs of both the Deaf-Blind person and yourself are considered so both should share your own needs and come up with a mutual plan that is beneficial to you both.

3. A Tendency • Some of us are raised with the dysfunctional rule to do: • Everything we are asked, • Immediately, • Alone without help, and • Perfectly • Get rid of this training immediately (but not alone and not perfectly). We all have to re-evaluate these ideas.

4. Feelings and Negotiation • If you feel angry, this is a signal that you are or have been doing too much. • Emotions signal us to pay attention to our bodies. Be honest with yourself. • Nice is good, rescuing other people is not. • “Nice” people burn out for sure or get sick of trying too hard. • It is a real challenge to find a balance and therefore, it is both an opportunity to learn about yourself, and to practice more assertiveness. • Negotiation should be a win-win process. • Feelings can be contagious. We may get confused about who has the needs, who owns the problems.

5. Recognize your Needs • When you feel angry, nervous, anxious, check to see where the feeling is coming from. Is the feeling yours? • Figure out where the pressure is coming from • Identify who owns the needs and problems • Recognize the distinction between the Deaf-Blind person’s grief over her blindness and the grief you have in your life that needs attention. • Be sure your help is wanted • Understand your own problems • Do not just give. You should also take.

6. Assertiveness, Time and Planning • Figure how much time you are willing to spend, and be clear to the DB person about that. • To anticipate how long something might take, make an estimate and double it. • Try to predict what will happen • It is not reasonable to expect one interpreter to work for two straight hours with a single Deaf-Blind client • Get support from colleagues • Recruit others

7. Figure out your pattern • Look for a match between what needs to be done and what satisfies you • Pace yourself • Honor the process of becoming skilled • Set reasonable expectations for yourself. Challenge your perfectionism • If you are taking jobs interpreting for Deaf-Blind people, you will undoubtedly at some point be asked to provide a ride • Decide the type of relationship you feel comfortable with • Thinking takes time.

8. Communication • Once you have decided how much time you are willing to comfortably spend, let the Deaf-Blind person know • Let the Deaf-Blind person know which kind of activities you like the most • Be clear with the Deaf-Blind person about what your interest is in the relationship • If you are not sure about something important, be clear that you are not sure • If you are not working alone, clarify roles

9. Being Assertive with Hearing People • “Deaf-Blind” is slow. Get over it. • Be direct • Be specific • Be persistent • While volunteering is wonderful, interpreters for agencies should be paid.

10. Negotiation and Follow Through • Once you are clear about what you want, listen to the other person • Negotiating takes time • Ten minute warnings can be helpful • Pay attention to your manner • Having set limits and communicated them clearly, follow through • Let them be themselves • If they’re obnoxious, leave.

11. Confronting Yourself • What are your issues? What themes are there in your life, things that make you upset or repeatedly cause you problems? Being assertive means confronting yourself honestly (and kindly) about these things. • Sometimes we wallow in guilt or bad feelings. These are ways of avoiding change. • Sometimes we have an inflated sense of our own abilities and importance. This allows us to focus on the faults of others.

12. Continually needing to talk about something such as your involvement with the Deaf-Blind, try to figure out what this is about. • It may be excitement at all the things you are learning. • It may be a sense of inadequacy because you’re repeatedly accepting assignments beyond your level of skill. • Is it insecurity? • A need for permission from others to have your own needs met? • Are you perhaps rescuing and needing applause for your heroism? • Rescuing (doing for the other person what is really theirs to do) and perfectionism are common issues. • If that is your inclination, lighten up. • Get a sense of perspective

13. Accept confrontations from other people. Separate out: • Who said it (you may not like them) • From how they said it (they might have been kind of nasty), • From what they said, and • Why they said it (they might have had their own patterns running at the time). • Focus on what they said: • Is it something you should be working on? • Is it a priority? • It may be true but not a big deal • Don’t just determine to improve but think how you will work on this issue • Reflect on your progress • Enlist the aid of an ally, it is good to have someone whom you trust to discuss these things honestly. • Review your boundaries

14. Being assertive means being honest with yourself and others • It means communicating in ways that are specific, clear, and consistent • It means following through while being reasonable, flexible and understanding of the other person’s point of view. • It means listening to your feelings and those of others. • It means having time to think, to plan, reflect, and re-evaluate. Being assertive is both a way of communicating with others and a process of learning.