Working With Difficult People

1. Working With Difficult People Rob Houser User First Services, Inc. Atlanta, Georgia rob@userfirst.net www.userfirst.net

2. Goal of this workshop To identify strategies for working with difficult people who we might encounter in the workplace so we can become more effective technical communicators.

3. Objectives • To recognize the pros and cons of conflict • To identify your conflict resolution style • To classify 10 common difficult behaviors • To learn strategies for coping with the 10 types of difficult behaviors

4. You can call it an argument all you want, but we both know it’s a fight! ---Rebecca Houser

5. How do you define conflict? • What words come to your mind when you hear the word conflict?

6. What is conflict? • When two or more people do not share the same beliefs, interests, or goals • Conflict is natural and inevitable • Conflict is often uncomfortable and stressful • The goal of conflict resolution is not to eliminate conflict (or the other person) but to handle and resolve it constructively

7. What is difficult behavior? • Behavior that thwarts or frustrates us • Behavior that threatens us (physically but more likely psychologically) • Behavior that delays or disrupts the problem-solving process • Defensive behavior others use when they feel threatened and under pressure

8. Effects of difficult behavior • Prevents us from doing our jobs (performance) • Causes us not to enjoy our jobs (motivation) • Lowers our self-esteem and confidence (psychological well being) • Results in high levels of stress (health)

9. Causes of difficult behavior • Learned behavior (getting their way) • Feeling thwarted and threatened • Exceptional levels of stress • Reactions to their difficult behavior which reinforce the behavior by increasing the stress they are already feeling • Inflexibility (on both sides)

10. What can you do about it? • You can’t change other people • Learn to appreciate and draw upon the different strengths of difficult people • Focus on coping with difficult behavior (adapting to other styles of communication)

11. Know thyself. ---The Seven Sages

12. How do you respond to conflict? Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument • Consider situations in which you find your wishes differing from those of another person • If neither A nor B is typical of your behavior, select the one you would be most likely to use

13. Analysis Competing = _____ Collaborating = _____ Compromising = _____ Avoiding = _____ Accommodating = _____

14. Five conflict handling modes more assertive assertiveness less assertive

15. Five conflict handling modes more assertive assertiveness less assertive cooperativeness less cooperative more cooperative

16. Five conflict handling modes more COMPETING COLLABORATING assertiveness COMPROMISING AVOIDING ACCOMODATING less cooperativeness less more

17. Caveats • Percentiles based on managers’ responses • Evaluation used by military to select and train officers • May be different for non-managers • May be different for technical communicators in general

18. Competing • Assertive and uncooperative • Individual pursues own concerns at the other person’s expense • Use power to win position (ability to argue, rank, sanctions) • Might mean standing up for your rights, defending a position you believe to be correct, or simply trying to win

19. Accommodating • Unassertive and cooperative • Neglect own concerns to satisfy concerns of other person • Element of self sacrifice • Might mean being generous, being forced to fall in line, or yielding to another’s point of view

20. Avoiding • Unassertive and uncooperative • Put off pursuing concerns completely • Conflict is not addressed • Might mean being diplomatic, postponing until a better time, withdrawing from threatening situation

21. Collaborating • Assertive and cooperative • Work with other person to find solution that satisfies the concerns of both persons • Identifying underlying concerns and exploring alternatives • Might mean confronting and trying to find a creative solution or learning from each other through different points of view

22. Compromising • Intermediate assertiveness and cooperativeness • Find an expedient, mutually acceptable solution which partially satisfies both parties • Between competing and accommodating • Might mean splitting the difference, exchanging concessions, or seeking a quick middle ground position

23. Not quite scientific research • Only 23 people responded to initial survey • Average Technical Communicator • Competing = 3 (low, 20th percentile) • Collaborating = 6 • Compromising = 7 • Avoiding = 7 • Accommodating = 6 (high, 75th percentile) • No one person was average for all styles

24. Not quite scientific research • Competing was the only significant male/female difference • Women = 3 (20th percentile) • Men = 7 (70th percentile)

25. Not quite scientific research • 1 to 4 years experience • Low on competing (2/12th percentile) • High on avoiding (8/80th percentile) • 5+ years experience • More balanced in all styles • Both groups • High on accommodating (6/75th percentile)

26. Not quite scientific research • Positive Words • unavoidable (2), challenging, directly, flexible, inevitable, human, politics, necessary • Negative Words • uncomfortable (2), stressful (3), frustrated, friction, tired, distracting, obstacle, unfortunate

27. Not quite scientific research • Positive Words • Fairly mixed conflict styles • Negative Words • 79% especially low in competing • 71% especially high in accommodating

28. Impact of tendencies • Extreme tendencies in conflict styles could lead those who used negative words to describe conflict to feel powerless and deprived of respect and recognition • Managers who are especially high in accommodating often delay discipline and may lack overall direction for the group

29. Questions to answer • Do these preliminary numbers hold true across a wider number of our members? • Do non-mangers have different averages than managers, even in our field? • Why do technical communicators seem to have higher than average tendencies to accommodate?

30. Flexing your conflict styles • Remember that no one conflict style is right • Recognize your natural tendencies when initially faced with conflict, and learn to adjust them according to the situation

31. Competing • When quick action is necessary • For unpopular courses of action for important issues • On issues of company welfare when you know you are right • To protect yourself from others taking advantage of your non-competitive behavior

32. Collaborating • To find a solution that uses the best of both approaches when neither position can be compromised • When you want to learn from others • If you need to gain commitment from others • To work through hard feelings that have interrupted an interpersonal relationship

33. Compromising • When goals are not greatly important and short-term relationships are important • When both sides have equal power and will not budge • To achieve temporary settlements to complex issues • To make decisions quickly under deadlines • If collaboration or competition fails

34. Avoiding • When issue is trivial or will pass quickly • When your concerns will not be addressed • When potential damage of conflict outweighs the benefits of resolving it • To let people cool down • When gathering more information outweighs value of making a decision • When others can resolve it more effectively

35. Accommodating • When you realize you are wrong • When issue is more important to other than yourself and you want to maintain a cooperative relationship • To build goodwill for later issues • When you are losing • To maintain harmony, avoid disruption • To allow subordinates to learn on their own

36. Summary of conflict handling • No one way of resolving conflict is always right • Choose the right method for the right situation (user-centered, contextual) • Learn to be flexible when dealing with conflict, switching to different styles as the situation changes

37. Have you learned lessons only of those who admired you, and were tender with you, and stood aside for you? Have you not learned great lessons from those who braced themselves against you, and disputed the passage with you? ---Walt Whitman

38. 10 Common Difficult Behaviors • Super-Agreeables • Indecisives • Unresponsives • Negativists • Complainers • Sherman Tanks • Snipers • Exploders • Know-it-all Experts • Think-they-know-it-all

39. Sherman Tanks • Attacking, accusing, abusive, abrupt, intimidating, overwhelming, confrontational • Feel strong need to prove that their view of the world is always right • Get irritated or angry if sense resistance • See tasks as clear and concrete • Value aggressiveness and confidence

40. Snipers • Teasing, innuendoes, not-too-subtle digs used to make you look foolish in groups • Hides behind crowds and social constraints • Often very witty • Share Tank’s strong sense of how others should act but is often unrealistic • Can turn into a Tank if exposed

41. Exploders • Adult tantrum, rage barely under control • When person feels thwarted or threatened • May cry, be silently enraged, or yell/scream • Anger often moves to suspicion and blaming • Creates highest amount of resentment among others of all behaviors

42. Complainers • Find fault with everything, complain constantly, accusatory, prescriptive • Feel someone should be doing something but feel helpless to take action • Have distinct idea of what should be done • Usually is some truth to their complaints

43. Unresponsives • Close down, even when asked direct question (answer yes, no, I don’t know) • Clam up when you need a response or expect conversation • Difficult to determine why they are silent

44. Super-Agreeables • Want to be liked and loved by everyone • Make others feel liked and approved of • Tell you things that are satisfying to hear • Often use humor to ease conversation • Say “Yes” to everything but often don’t deliver because they are over-committed • Can secretly be resentful of doing so much

45. Negativists • Feel defeated and dispirited as though they have little power over their lives • Pessimistic, more bitter than complainers • Bring others down quickly • Say “We’ve tried this before” or “That won’t work” without looking for solutions

46. Know-it-all Experts • Highly productive, thorough and accurate thinkers, careful planners • Believe facts and knowledge provide stability; answers lie within themselves • Low tolerance for correction/contradiction • Condescending, don’t wait for others to catch up to their thought process or seek input from others

47. Think-they-know-it-all • Seek the admiration and respect of others by trying to act like experts when they are not • Don’t always know they are not experts • Curious people; like to learn a little about a lot of things

48. Indecisives • Put off making important decisions because they don’t want to hurt anyone • Have high standards • Strive to help people • Usually stall until the decision is made

49. If civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships--the ability of all people, of all kinds, to live together, in the same world at peace. --- Franklin D. Roosevelt

50. 10 Coping Methods • Super-Agreeables • Indecisives • Unresponsives • Negativists • Complainers • Sherman Tanks • Snipers • Exploders • Know-it-all Experts • Think-they-know-it-all