Working with Challenging People

1. Working with Challenging People Judith Albino, PhD AAL Senior Consultant President Emerita and Associate Dean Colorado School of Public Health

2. We never really grow up; we just learn how to behave in public…and a few people must have missed that class.

3. Learning Objectives • Recognize a variety of challenging personality types in the workplace. • Appreciate the drivers for challenging behaviors. • Identify new strategies for responding to difficult behaviors. • Practice new behaviors to enhance the work environment.

4. So What’s the Problem? Challenging Personalities: • Create stress in others • Tend to become more challenging • Reduce productivity • Interfere with achieving school goals • Poison the work environment …but usually have no intention of doing any of those things!

5. “Six Steps” Approach to Working with Problem Faculty • Clarify values and expectations • Follow policy • Build trust with colleagues • Evaluate yourself and your perceptions • Listen, listen, listen (repetition mine - JA) • Take effective action Crookston, R. K. Working with Problem Faculty, Jossey-Bass, 2012.

6. Steps 1-5: Prevention and Promotion for the Workplace Culture They set the stage for positive interactions, high performance, and respectful ways of living and working together. They are great rules to follow, especially when the opportunity is there to build a culture of civility and trust.

7. Step 6. Take Effective Action • Prepare in advance for problem interactions • Act quickly; never ignore • Confront offenders in private • Have a witness, and keep notes • Assemble a solid case • Impose consequences; reward good behavior and never bad behavior • Be patient; accept blame

8. But what if… its’ too late? you are taken by surprise? the culture supports distrust? people are not taken care of?

9. State vs. Trait Behaviors It is important to distinguish challenges that are temporary, or situational, from those that will represent an ongoing problem.

10. State vs. Trait Behaviors • State Behaviors are related to specific situations or threats. Anyone can go “lizard” if anxious or provoked enough.

11. Trait Behaviors • Trait behaviors are chronic. Challenging behaviors that do not resolve when the problem is solved usually represent traits. Traits reflect “personality” rather than responses to specific situations.

12. You’ll know them…. • Continually in crisis, overly dramatic • Busybodies, communicating behind the scenes and stirring things up • Thrive on confrontation, love a fight • Never satisfied • Poor communication • Argumentative and unreasonable • Use power to obstruct

13. Perhaps you work with… • A Bully • A Wet Blanket • A Know-it-All • A Complainer • A Controller • A Sycophant • A Gamer …or even several of these!

14. The Bully Bullies come in several forms, best described in terms of tactics: • Relentless criticism of administrators. • Pressure on junior faculty. • Demands accompanied by threats. • Unilaterally overruling. • End runs and lack of consulting. • Steamrolling discussions with argument.

15. When they believe they will not get their way, Bullies will even…

16. Wet Blanket This one has a variety of strategies as well: • We tried that; it didn’t work. • We don’t get paid enough for that. • We’re not Harvard (or if you’re at Harvard, “…not NYU,” or even Generic State Univ). • When I was at _________, it was better…. • Garden variety cynical comments.

17. The Know-it-All You know them. They are tiresome, but they never get tired … at least, not of hearing their own voices. They don’t seem to want to do the work or lead the project, they just want to assure everyone that they could do it better. Behaviors can be similar to those of Wet Blankets.

18. The Complainer Wet Blankets and Know-it-All’s complain, too, but the Essential Complainer is really all about complaints – and it’s personal, too. S/he has been treated unfairly, deceived, or otherwise misused over and over again – in spite of all her hard work.

19. The Controller These challenging personalities also come in several forms; sometimes we recognize them as: • Narcissists • Witholders • Manipulators • Dr. “No”

20. Controllers can be… • Charming, especially when you first meet them (think “narcissist”) • Mysterious and noncommunicative (when they are witholding) • Duplicitous, when they are manipulating • Holdouts, naysayers, similar to wet blankets, when something is moving ahead without their control or involvement

21. The Sycophant More boring than harmful, this challenging personality can’t stop telling you how wonderful you are; the problem is that something is expected in return – basically, that you require nothing of them, but reward them generously. Your time is wasted, and you feel trapped.

22. The Gamer (Naïve Type) Controllers also may be gamers, but naive-type gamers are less skilled at working in organizations. They don’t contribute in the group, then want to give input one-on-one. They have good ideas, but don’t collaborate, believing that those in “power” decide everything. They are always competing, but their timing is off, leading others to consider them disruptive.

23. So how can we make them change? It isn’t easy, and it may not be possible, but it is possible to: • understand their motivations • change the way we respond • limit the damage they do • open a dialogue to move to something better

24. Motivations Ostensibly, “difficult” behaviors stem from: • A desire to get things done, or • A desire to do things better. But more important reasons may be: • A desire to feel one is important, valued, or part of the group; or • A desire to “get back” for perceived injuries or injustices. Interestingly, difficult behaviors rarely accomplish any of these things!

25. Consider, for example: What motivation might underlie: • Angry acting out? • Failure to offer opinions? • Currying favor? • Constant complaining? • Witholding information? • Using power inappropriately? • Talking/arguing over others?

26. Why are “Challenging People” not getting what they want? • Their behaviors become the agenda. • They put us on the defensive (it’s natural). • Our reactions are “freeze, fight, or flee.” • Others go into “shock.” • They make us worry about how we are seen vis-à-vis their difficult behaviors. So, it’s also about us….

27. Tools for Managing Challenging Behaviors Our own behavior Our own behavior Our own behavior! Maybe it’s ONLY about us.

28. If “Challenging Person” is the Problem, why should I have to change? • Who is distressed by CP’s behavior? • Is CP likely to change? • Who can change? In other words, it’s MY problem.

29. So the new goal is…. • Respond differently, and more constructively, to CP’s behavior. CP eventually might behave differently (or not), but you’ll feel better in either case.

30. DARE: A Plan to Change the Dialogue: • DESCRIBE: CP’s behaviors. • ACKNOWLEDGE: how it makes you feel. • RECALIBRATE: your response. • EXPERIENCE: a different interaction, and follow through.

31. How do I do that? • Think of one of your CP’s. • Remember a specific challenging behavior. • Identify why s/he behaves that way. • Remember how it makes you feel (trigger). • Identify what you usually do. • Decide what to do instead. • Practice & create reminders. • Imagine being free. • Reward CP appropriately!

32. Begin the process by… • Opening your ears - find kernels of truth • Shutting your mouth - buy time and avoid saying something you could regret

33. …and about that new response: • be respectful • be honest • be appreciative • be authentic • limit inconvenience to others • focus on feelings, when appropriate • invite a different venue, if needed • assume a long-term process

34. Don’t forget to: Stay on the balcony for the best perspective Know yourself – especially your “inner lizard”

35. Let‘s try that… In pairs, alternating turns: Describe your CP. Describe your usual reaction – emotions and behaviors. With your partner: Brainstorm new responses.

36. Was that helpful? • What questions do you have?

37. Tips and Strategies:Be proactive • Have a plan, not necessarily a goal; remember whose behavior you are changing. • Prepare for the worst possible situation.

38. Tips and Strategies: Empathy • Be authentic, and you won’t seem patronizing, i.e., “I understand that you feel….” • You can accept, without agreeing • Apologize if you can, and use that word

39. Tips and Strategies: Choose Words Carefully “Trigger” words can cause people to harden their positions and just become more difficult: “Calm down!” “You have to….” “You can’t….” “Sorry.” Avoid the extremes: “always,” “never,” etc.

40. Tips and Strategies: Listen • Really listen, or at least look and sound that way. Maintain eye contact, nod, ask questions, look interested. • The person who senses that you actually care is more likely to become reasonable.

41. Tips and Strategies: Use Questions Use questions to: Avoid argument Show empathy Seek understanding Find areas for agreement Move towards buy-in

42. Work in Groups to Try it Out • Each Group takes a Case. • Answer the first two questions individually, and then discuss them. • Answer questions 3-7 together, and plan to report out.

43. Presentation of CP Cases

44. Case 1. Power of the Professoriate As Academic Dean of a large dental school, you work with a strong faculty governance structure; you meet with School Senate Officers monthly, as well as with the entire Senate. Associate Professor Wright, Chair of the Senate, is intimidated by one of the members, Dr. Noble, a full professor from Wright’s own department. At the last Senate meeting, when a long-discussed document providing workload guidelines (which members of the Senate had participated in drafting) was up for a final vote, Dr. Noble began to trash the work, insisting that it was full of empty promises and represented just another administration assault on faculty rights and privileges. He threatened to take it to the University Faculty Council and to the Union. Both you and Dr. Wright were pulled into arguing that the faculty had fully participated. The meeting was monopolized by Noble, and no other business items were discussed. You have seen this behavior before, and you know that Noble also speaks angrily about University administration in his classroom.

45. Case 2. Too Much Too Late You are Assistant Dean for External Relations and have been chairing a committee to develop a strategy for involvement of the School’s faculty and students in a major, federally-funded “healthy neighborhoods” project. Prof. Arten, has been attentive at meetings but has said little all year as the plan has taken shape. Twice after meetings, she approached you with minor questions, and you encouraged her to discuss those fully with other members and to raise them in meetings. Considered a brilliant faculty member at her previous (and highly prestigious) institution, she has been very productive academically during the two years she has been here, although she is quiet and some have described her as “standoffish.” As final suggestions were being made on the plan today, she said she had some ideas to share. She then gave a formal ppt presentation, laying out a totally different approach and ending with, “…you’ll see this is better; we did it like this at Previous U.” Everyone seemed stunned, and some were angry.

46. Case 3. A Challenging Director As Director of Clinics, you are responsible for four clinics within the school and 3 off-site clinics; the latter address special community needs and stand alone in many respects, so you treat the program heads as clinic site directors. An ongoing challenge is keeping these programs fully involved and informed, and also taking their special needs into account. One such program serves an inner city community; it is well funded by a community foundation and has had the same director since its inception. Dr. Oster is respected in that community and he fully controls the foundation board. You get along well. Still, he never attends a meeting without a long list of complaints, many of which could be dealt with more effectively elsewhere. You have noticed that, within the School, others have started to roll their eyes when he opens his mouth. You try to assure him that issues are being taken care of, but he started in again today at the Executive Meeting with, “This is just another example of our needs ignored…”

47. Case 4. Improper Practices A new Administrative Vice President was brought in after a financial crisis at your university; his previous experience was in corporate finance. He has put in some much-needed financial monitoring systems and policies that have made it easier for you to take action in cases of non-productive employees. But you, as associate dean for finance, and the other deans find him hard to take. V-P Cooper meets regularly with the deans as a group. You dread the sessions. He usually starts with statements such as, “You people don’t have any idea what a real financial plan is, do you?” After that opener today, he threw some spread sheets on the table and looked directly at you. “This is incomprehensible; what were you thinking when you set up this Academic Enrichment Fund?” You started to explain the fund’s purpose in rewarding or redirecting faculty efforts, but he interrupted, declaring it a “lucrative playhouse” for unemployable professors. You were stunned and embarrassed.

48. Case 5. Dampening Influence You are a relatively new academic associate dean; the associate dean for student affairs is a competent individual who has carried out that role for more than 20 years. Things generally work well in Dr. Purcell’s area, but you realize that you are beginning to feel annoyed by her resistance to new ideas. Several new department chairs would like to experiment with some new learning formats that require flexibility with respect to schedules and classroom assignments – all in Dr. Purcell’s area. At leadership meetings with deans and chairs, these suggestions have been met by, “University will never let us do that,” or “We just don’t have the staffing to take care of it.” When you suggested that the group look at class and classroom schedules together, she stalled and has still not produced the documents a month later. She keeps saying, “We’ll work something out,” but there is no progress. You know that some of the chairs are discouraged and worry that the students are not receiving the best possible educational experience.

49. More Tips for Working with Challenging People • Involve others • Agree when possible • Limit access • Make an effort to meet real needs • Appreciate whatever you can • Consider the worst that could happen • Stand up for yourself • Take your dog out of the fight • Focus on CP’s talents • Don’t respond when angry; learn to wait • Gently correct overgeneralizations • Shape behaviors over time

50. FINALLY:DO NOT ARGUE WITH IDIOTS. THEY WILL DRAG YOU DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL AND THEN BEAT YOU WITH EXPERIENCE.