Man Up! Men and Masculinity in the Church

1. Man Up!Men and Masculinity in the Church Call to Compassion Conference Tues 5th Nov 2013 Mandy Marshall, Co-Director, Restored Prabu Deepan, Inspired Individual

2. Restored An international Christian alliance working to transform relationships and end violence against women

3. Aims Restored aims to answer two questions • Where is the Church? and • Where are the men? when it comes to ending violence against women. Will you be a First Man Standing?

4. Outline • Who we are & what the world says we are • Who are we following? • Power and how we use it • Jesus’ use of power • Violence against Women – reality check • Myth busting • Theological issues • Positive action men can take to make a difference

5. Courage and Openness • We need to be open to be challenged • We need to be open to change our attitudes, opinions and behaviours • We need to operate from a basis of love not fear • Noting that it takes courage to change • It takes courage to challenge your friends, family and colleagues

6. Who are you? • List who we are in God • For example we are loved, we are powerful…

7. Who are you? • Made in the image of God • Wonderfully created, beautifully made, loved, adored, restored, forgiven,amazing, worth dying for, unique, heirs, part of a family, highly valuable, legitimate, God’s artwork, in direct communication with God himself, direct access to the King of Kings, Powerful. • Loved just the way you are

8. What does a successful man look like? A Successful man is…?

9. What does a successful man look like? A Successful man is…? Compared to Jesus who Was not rich No paid employment Didn’t have a home No formal education Never married & didn’t have children Wasn’t good looking No car No gadgets • Rich • Good job • Nice home • Well educated • Married • Well behaved and well educated children • Good Looking • Car • Latest gadget

10. So the question is… Who are we following? Societies expectations or Jesus?

11. ‘…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.’ • Hebrews 12 v1

12. Power Audit • What power do you have? • Complete the power audit

13. Types of Power • Social – peer pressure, bullying, leader, teacher, parents • Economic power – control of money, resources, access to goods/services, sometimes husband, brother, father • Political power – elected leaders, discriminatory laws, tribal leaders • Physical – strength, use of weapons, controlling access or security, police, robbers, gangs, rebels, military • Age-related – respected elders, young & women usually have least power • Spiritual power – Pastors, Bishops, leaders in the church • Real & perceived power

14. Bible Studies • 20 mins to read and answer 5 questions • Appoint someone to feedback The Stories • Woman at the Well • Jairus’ daughter & the woman bleeding • Woman caught in adultery

15. Bible Studies: Questions Remember the context in which Jesus lived. • What are the names of the women and the men in the story? • How does Jesus treat the different characters in the story • How does Jesus use his power? • How do the others around Jesus treat the characters in the story? • What else do you notice?

16. Inequality and Injustice • Inequality and injustice has resulted from personal sin and structural evil. Both need to be confronted if change is to happen.

17. ‘Legacy of inequality… • rape and sexual violence, including marital rape; • domestic violence; • no sexual autonomy; • early marriage of girls to older men; • forced marriage; • harmful traditional practices, including wife inheritance, widow cleansing, polygamy and female genital mutilation; maternal mortality rates as high as they've ever been; • sugar Daddies; • illiteracy; • lack of educational access (the MDG on gender parity in primary schools has already been missed); • designation as legal minors; • lack of economic and earning power; • lack of rights to own and inherit land or property; • lack of representation in parliaments and other elected and appointed bodies. The litany never ends.’ • Stephen Lewis, former UN Special Envoy for HIV • and AIDS in Africa

18. United Nations definition of violence against women • "any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or mental harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life."

19. How big is the problem? • Globally, women between the age of 15-44 are more likely to be maimed or die as a result of male violence than through cancer, malaria, traffic accidents or war combined. Source: UN 2007

20. Domestic Abuse • Domestic violence is the largest form of abuse of women worldwide, irrespective of region, culture, ethnicity, education, class and religion. Source: UN

21. India Stats

22. UK stats • 1 in 4 women will suffer abuse in her lifetime • Source: British Crime Survey 2011 • 2 women a week are killed by their partner of former partner • Source: British Crime Survey 2011 • Approximately 80,000 women in the UK suffer rape and attempted rape every year • Source: Walby and Allen, Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault and Stalking: British Crime Survey, 2004

23. In Churches Too UK – Methodist Survey 2002 • 17% of respondents had experienced domestic violence • 13% had experienced domestic violence several times • And 4% frequently • 54% said experienced domestic violence for 5 years of more • 21% said over 10 years • Main perpetrators of domestic violence were husbands and partners • Christianity Magazine survey in conjunction with Restored in Sept 2013 discovered 19% of those answering the survey had been raped.

24. The heart of violence • Violence is about control & the abuse of power • A sense of entitlement over another person • A belief that the other person is less than you or there to serve your needs – ownership • Restricts freedom & every individual realising their full potential in life • Jesus came to set us free & used his power to empower others

25. Violence and abuse is always a choice.

26. Violence happens because • 1. Men choose to violate women • And because • 2. Men can violate women • If things are to change there has to be consequences to the actions of men who choose to abuse

27. Consent & Informed Consent • Consent means saying yes and agreeing to something • Informed consent is making an informed free choice, voluntarily and in an equal power relationship. The person understands the consequences of the choice, has equal power and freely chooses to accept the consequences. It also means being informed about the right to say NO. • Children under the age of 18 are deemed unable to give informed consent

28. Sexual Violence • Sexual violence is any sexual act, attempt to obtain a sexual act, or other act directed against a person’s sexuality using coercion, by any person regardless of their relationship to the victim, in any setting. It includes rape, defined as the physically forced or otherwise coerced penetration of the vulva or anus with a penis, other body part or object. • Source: UN & WHO

29. Myths about rape Myth 1: It was because of what she was wearing • No – it was the choice of the man to abuse and violate. It has nothing to do with any type of clothing. Myth 2: It was because he couldn’t control himself/lust • No – sexual violence is about power & control over another individual. Its about the destruction of a person and sex is used as a tool of that destruction

30. Myths about Rape Myth 3: It was because she was asking for it/she deserved it • No – a woman never asks nor deserves to be violated and abused. Every individual is made in God’s image. When a person is abused and sexually violated we are violating the very image of God Myth 4: Rape can’t happen in marriage. It’s impossible. • Wrong! Rape is rape whether you are married or not. God gave sex as a gift to marriage for both women and men. It is not to be demanded, manipulated or forced. It is a gift to one another by mutual consent for enjoyment of both. Sex is the ultimate of giving oneself in a relationship. To force sex is to break that relationship of trust & giving. It’s also a sin. In the UK & other countries marital rape is a criminal offence.

31. Myths about rape Myth 5: Rape is not a spiritual issue. • Wrong. When a person experiences rape it is a destruction of trust, self, & relationships; relationships with God & others. Jesus came to restore life through love, grace and giving himself to the church. The Church is called to redeem and restore the poor, the sick & the broken-hearted. The church can repair and restore hope, trust & relationships with God, the family and others. Rape is a spiritual issue and we need to act as well as pray. • The Bible includes the raping of Tamar (2 Sam:13)

32. Myths about rape Myth 6: She lied, she wasn’t really raped • This is a defence used by men who have raped which brings doubt into the minds of others. When a woman reports rape it is extremely rare that they have lied. It is more likely that a woman remains silent in shame and fear rather than report rape. So when a woman declares rape we really need to listen, take notice and most importantly believe her

33. Consequences of rape • Physical – STI’s, HIV, Fistulas, Pregnancy, Internal organ damage, soreness, bruising, cuts, grazes, death. • Emotional – feeling of worthlessness, destruction, lack of self esteem, loss of confidence, may self harm, • Social – isolation, fear of going out, being alone, suspicion of men, may not have a future partner • Financial – cost of counselling & support, medical care, possible loss of job due to lack of confidence • Psychological – fear, self blame, torture • Spiritual – where was God? Does God love me still? Have I sinned? (NO!)

34. Some responses to violence • minimise the impact it has (wasn’t that bad) • reduce the event (it was only or just) • excuse the behaviour (it was because…) • deflect the responsibility (she made me do it) • justify the behaviour (I am head of this home) • legitimise it (I had to do it to maintain order) • deny it (it wasn’t me/didn’t happen/like that) • complicit in it (I can see why you did it)

35. When culture kills, culture has to change

36. Myths • Why doesn’t she just leave? • She must have done something to deserve it • It’s because of…alcohol/job loss/stress etc • She makes him angry • She was wearing really revealing clothes What do most of these phrases have in common?

37. Cultural change When culture kills, when culture silences, when culture is complicit, culture has to change

38. Violence is always a choice

39. Results of Violence Against Women • Women unable to leave home (beaten, fearful) • Increased medical costs both personally and nationally • Physical damage to body; psychological damage • HIV, STI’s, unwanted pregnancy, fistulas • Women disempowered, voice is lost, not participating fully in society or church • Loss of job, home & sometimes family & friends • Fear • Women & men not reaching their full potential, not flourishing • Increased poverty • Destroyed relationships • National security under threat • Development of society diminished • Children affected • Unhealthy models of relationship in the home and church • Feeling of hopelessness, despair, worthless, depression • In the worst cases it robs a woman of her life itself • Culture can kill

40. General situation in the church • Women’s lack of power & voice in some churches • No universal acceptance of women in leadership • Women’s voices are sometimes not heard in decision making process • Majority of congregation are women yet majority male leadership • Lack of awareness raising within church on violence against women • Theological teachings used to focus on women; rather than men’s responsibility to ‘love his wife as Christ loves the Church’ • At worst Church condones violence against women

41. Hermeneutics or re-reading the Bible • Own attitude, experience, & culture • How we come to read the Bible, our past, our culture plays a part in what we read and see and understand • Universal or contextual Principle • Is this text applicable for eternity or was the letter written to address specific issues? • Text & context • Who was the text written for, at what time, for what purpose and where were they? • Suspicion & generosity • Written in a patriarchal context with patriarchal values BUT all scripture is God breathed • Imagination & remembering • What voices have been silenced or left out? (Queen Vashti in Esther) • Remembering is re-establishing community • Empire & post-colonial • In an Empire or post colonial empire state when written & influences the text • Openness or specific • Are we open to hear from God or are we looking specifically to prove points?

42. Controversial areas • Creation ordinance • Woman is a helper • Concept of ‘head’ • Submission of women • No women leaders • Women cannot teach • Divorce & remarriage • Repentance & Forgiveness in cases of abuse • Suffering (woman must suffer for her husband)

43. Creation Ordinance • Woman is created after man • Temporal priority – animals are created before man – does that make animals superior to man? • Woman is taken from the man • Origin of life is divine not from man • Woman is named by the man • Verb ‘to call’ used rather than the noun ’name’. • Gen 2:v23 the noun ‘name’ does not occur

44. Woman created as helper • Word helper ‘ezer’ used 19 times in the OT • 1 is a question, 3 used of man, 15 used of God bringing help to his people • Helpmate fit for man – his equal, counterpart, associate, companion, partner. • Gen 2:v24 Man cleaves to his wife – mutual co-dependence • Man and woman are created equal – no superiority of one over another

45. Concept of ‘Head’ • Head in this context is used as a metaphor • Need to think of 1st century use not 21st century • Greek word ‘Kephale’ – source or origin • Hebrew word ‘rosh’ can be used metaphorically as ‘chief over’ but idea of ‘priority’ rather than ‘ruler over’ • Paul is a Hebrew speaker writing in Greek – he deliberately uses Kephale • Colossians 1:v18 – Christ is the head of the church. Christ is the origin or source of the church • Head of Christ is God – no authority over here as equal in the trinity • Authority over is not used

46. Submission of women • Only God ever seen as subjecting others • Submit to one another – equal ask • Submission is always voluntary never required or ordered • Not obey – it is never used in this context – different word • Hupotasso – to order/arrange/put in place • ‘Within the NT no ruler or authority of any kind, within or without the church is ever told to subject others to or to take action to ensure the submission of others.’ Mary Evans • Love & submission are two sides of the same coin

47. No women leaders • Leadership seen as service rather than status • Jesus is our example • Issue of language • Greek: Anthropos – human but we translate as man. Greek for man is Aner. Paul uses Anthropos • 1 Tim 2: Didasko – teach – Priscilla did teach with Paul’s approval and corrected him • Asthentein – to hold authority -used only once in the entire NT. No clear meaning • Exousia–is the authority from the holy spirit (1 Cor 7 applied between husband and wife relationship) • Diaconos–deacon- name given to both women & men

48. Forgiveness & Repentance • Repentance • Need to be wise that some men say sorry as a means to regain power and control over their spouses & use the Bible as another power tool to achieve this • Forgiveness • Is a process, it needs to be proceeded by heartfelt repentance and demonstrated change, takes time to restore trust, mend broken hearts. Also need to remember that a woman has been hurt and place her needs at the centre of the response

49. Suffering • Suffering • Some women misquote the Bible and say they need to suffer for the Kingdom. As in ‘it is my lot in life to suffer under my husband. If I pray long and hard enough he will change. God will honour my prayers.’ • This is misapplied & mixed up theology. • God never purposefully makes us endure suffering • God is love not cruelty

50. Jesus approach to women • Subjects not objects or sex objects • Mixed freely in everyday life – equals • Inclusive - used as examples in the parables • Followers and disciples - women supported his ministry • Women included in theological conversations • Women in the passion narratives • Jesus empowered women & offered them choices (woman bleeding) • Jesus used his position & power to challenge injustice and empower others • Jesus’ attitude was original, restorative, empowering, radical, inclusive and highly significant.