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INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS. The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center. Objective Effectiveness Relationship Effectiveness Self Respect Effectiveness. When to use interpersonal effectiveness skills. Balancing Priorities and Demands Ask others for help Say “ No ” to unwanted requests
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The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center INTERPERSONALEFFECTIVENESS The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center Objective Effectiveness Relationship Effectiveness Self Respect Effectiveness
When to use interpersonal effectiveness skills • Balancing Priorities and Demands • Ask others for help • Say “No” to unwanted requests • If lacking structure, try to create structure and responsibilities • Offer to do things • If overwhelmed reduce low priority demands The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center
When to use interpersonal effectiveness skills • Balancing Wants-to-Shoulds Look at the balance between how much you do because you enjoy it “want to” and “have to” –try to find a balance, even when you need to…. • Say NO to unwanted requests • Get your opinions taken seriously • Ask for what you want/need in an appropriate way The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center
When to use interpersonal effectiveness skills • Attending to Relationships • Don’t let problems build up • Use skills to head off problems • End hopeless relationships • Resolve conflicts before they get overwhelming The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center
When to use interpersonal effectiveness skills • Building Mastery and Self Respect • Interact with others and yourself in a way that makes you feel competent and effective, not helpless or overly dependent • Stand up for yourself, your beliefs and opinions, follow your own wise mind The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center
Objective effectiveness Assertiveness-Getting your objectives or goals met in a situation, effectively • Ask for what you want • Say No to unwanted or unreasonable requests • Negotiate Conflict without damaging the relationship • Describe • Express • Assert • Reinforce • Mindfully • Appear Confident • Negotiate Assertive: Self-confident Self-assured Firm Powerful Forceful Persuasive influential The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center
Modulating intensity • How you ask for something or say no to an unwanted request depends on the situation • Level of intensity you need to use • Level of insistence you need to use • Factors to consider when deciding how or at what level to respond The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center
Modulating Intensity (Continued) HIGH INTENSITY: TRY AND CHANGE THE SITUATION LOW INTENSITY: ACCEPT THE SITUATION AS IT IS
Relationship effectiveness Obtaining and maintaining a good relationship • Acting in a way that the other person keeps respecting you • Balancing immediate goals with the good of the long term relationship • (be) Gentle • (act) Interested • Validate • (use an) Easy Manner The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center
Repairs “This skill is about having HEALTHY relationships that LAST!” • Effectively making and accepting apologies (shows compassion and respect). • Letting Go! (This can enhance relationships by leaving your past in the past). • Admitting when you are wrong or have made mistakes.
4 Horseman of the Apocalypse Common YOUTH “Horsemen” • Not Communicating • Withdrawal • Dishonestly • Not going to school • Playing video games • Bullying • Violence • Drugs and Alcohol • Unhealthy eating habits • Delinquency This skill involves identifying the primary destructive forces that each person brings into a relationship that ultimately can cause stress and damage to relationships.
4 Horseman of the Apocalypse • Dishonesty • Not taking mental health meds • Out-of-control spending • Credit card debt • Workaholism • Drugs and Alcohol • Unhealthy eating habits • Compulsive and addictive behaviors • Violence • Infidelity Examples of common ADULT Horsemen…
Self Respect Effectiveness Keeping or Improving Self Respect and liking for yourself • Respecting your own values and beliefs • Acting in a way that makes you feel moral • Acting in a way that makes you feel capable and effective • Taps into PLEASE MASTER • (be) Fair • (no) Apologies • Stick to values • (be) Truthful The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center
Factors that Reduce Interpersonal Effectiveness and Dealing with Difficult People • Lack of Skill • Worry Thoughts • Emotions • Indecision • Environment Everyone has to deal with difficult people from time to time; remarkably unpleasant, cranky, argumentative or down-right snotty individuals. Utilizing the concepts of Mindfulness and Interpersonal Effectiveness skills are used in these situations in order to maximize our effectiveness. The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center
Overview of Interpersonal Effectiveness • DEAR MAN - Asking for what you want/Saying No • GIVE - Keeping/Maintaining healthy relationships • FAST- Self Respect The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center