COMMUNICATION

1. COMMUNICATION KALEIDOSCOPE Lori Belew July 1, 2008 2008 SRTLC Planning Committee Meeting Clyde York 4-H Center Crossville, Tennessee

2. COMMUNICATION KALEIDOSCOPE • Purpose: • To discover your personal communication style. • To increase your awareness of how communication works and its variance from situation to situation. • To understand that you can not effectively communicate with each other unless you can step into someone else’s shoes and walk around.

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6. COMMUNICATION KALEIDOSCOPE “The discoveries of how we can grow and the insights we need to have really come from the inside out. To have genuine empathy, not as a make-nice tool but as an understanding, is essential to the next step.” Patricia Sun Communication expert/Philosopher

7. COMMUNICATION KALEIDOSCOPE “If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” Daniel Goleman Psychologist/Author “Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence”

8. COMMUNICATION KALEIDOSCOPE • Group Think Irving Janis • The concurrence-seeking tendency of close-knit groups can cause them to suspend critical thinking and make inferior decisions. • Example: JFK and the Bay of Pigs • Attribution TheoryFritz Heider • Attribution is the process of drawing inferences from behavior to understand the situation and predict what to expect in the future. • Example: Gold chains, tattoos, shaved head = gang member … but not necessarily … it’s an assumption based on experiences. Resource: Griffin, E. (1991). A first look at communication theory. New York : McGraw-Hill.

9. COMMUNICATION KALEIDOSCOPE • Anxiety/Uncertainty Management Theory William Gudykunst • All communication is intercultural communication. In each communication situation one person is inevitably the stranger. • Example: Steele Magnolias -- Annelle Dupuy-DeSoto • Genderlect StylesDeborah Tannen • Masculine and feminine styles of discourse are best viewed as two distinct cultural dialects rather than as inferior or superior ways of speaking. Men naturally focus more on “report” talk; women use talk to establish “connection.” • Example: Ladies, you know this one … a kiss is different from a kiss-kiss … implying that a kiss is on the cheek and a kiss-kiss is something different. Resource: Griffin, E. (1991). A first look at communication theory. New York : McGraw-Hill.

10. COMMUNICATION KALEIDOSCOPE • Proxemic Theory Edward Hall • The interrelated observations and theories of man’s use of space as a specialized elaboration of culture; or in other words, perceived distance is culturally conditioned. Public (10 feet to infinity) Personal (18 inches to 4 feet) • Social ( 4 to 10 feet) Intimate (0 to 18 inches) • Example: In the U.S. only close friends and family can enter comfortably into your intimate zone. However, in most South American and Latin countries, the intimate zone does not exist. Resource: Griffin, E. (1991). A first look at communication theory. New York : McGraw-Hill.

11. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS Scenario #1: Part A: You have the privilege of working with Director Dan on an events committee. Director Dan has been a organizing this specific 4-H event in your county for the past ten years. Because of his years of experience, he has a methodological system of doing things. He works under the premise of “if it ain’t broken … don’t fix it.” It drives you crazy! You have all of these cool ideas and better ways of doing things. He refuses to even consider implementing these new ideas. You want to do it anyway.

12. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS • Dan is “green.” • The committee member is “yellow.” • Based on Dan’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you use? • Compliment him for a well-designed plan that works. • Present you ideas in a logical manner … don’t go crazy. • Based on Dan’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you avoid: • Do not approach greens with condescension; Avoid making them feel inferior.

13. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS Scenario #1: Part B: Approaching this situation from Director Dan’s position: This year, you are working with a new 4-H youth committee to organize your annual event. You appreciate their enthusiasm and creativity, but they are driving you crazy with ideas of “better ways” of doing things. They are being defiant and have been caught on two different occasions doing it “their way.” You appreciate their well-thought-out ideas, and would love to implement them … but you have other “fish to fry” and this simply can not be a priority right now.

14. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS • How should Dan approach his fellow co-worker: • Establish rapport first ! Have a little fun. • Based on the committee member’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you use? • Praise! Praise! Praise! You don’t want to kill creativity. • But stick to you guns… remember yellows have a tendency to be “unstructured” … so planning details may not be one of their specialties. • Based on the committee member’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you avoid: • Do not approach yellow with a “demand.” Remember, yellows work off of feelings more than logic.

15. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS Scenario #2: Part A: You are experiencing some real challenges regarding job responsibilities. It seems that Smoldering Sam has once again shucked his bathroom responsibilities. Smoldering Sam is mad because he was given the least favorite task of cleaning the bathrooms after the last camp. He feels very strongly that the job should go to the first-year leaders as they are the “low men on the totem pole.” As a matter of fact, not only has Sam avoided cleaning, but has instructed you to clean them and created a new cleaning schedule (without permission) as well as a list of reasons why he should not have to clean the bathrooms this summer. You certainly don’t want to make him mad or disappoint him. So, once again, you go along.

16. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS • Sam is “green.” • The staff member is “blue.” • Based on Sam’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you use? • Compliment him for a well-designed plan that works. • Present you ideas in a logical manner … don’t go crazy. • Based on Sam’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you avoid: • Do not approach greens with condescension; Avoid making them feel inferior.

17. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS Scenario #2: Part B: Approaching this situation from Smoldering Sam’s position: This is Sam’s second year on staff. As a matter of fact, he and Sarah are the only two staffers from last year to return. He feels that he has “served his time” doing certain task and learning the ropes. He feels that he is ready for more challenging leadership roles and responsibilities. He is frustrated … and wants to express this to you without coming out and directly saying it.

18. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS • How should Sam approach his fellow co-worker: • Establish rapport first ! And show concern for blue. • Based on the staff member’s “color”, what conversation tactics do you use? • Express frustrations in terms of your personal feelings. • Based on the staff member’s “color”, what conversation tactics do you avoid: • It’s fine to “pick blue’s brain, but do not push for blue to take a side or make a stand.

19. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS Scenario #3: Part A: Raging Rosa is a new 4-H Honor Club member in your county. Though she has only been a member for two months, she has terrorized the rest of your harmonious Honor Club with her constant complaints and criticisms. Simply stated, they are terrified of her. She’s loud, loves confrontation, and would argue that the moon is made of cheese just for the sake of having an argument. And she really gets revved up during meetings by purposely taking unpopular stands during discussions. Most of the other members just ignore her. However, there is a group that takes her unrelentless charges personally and avoid her like the plague.

20. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS • Rosa is “red.” • The 4-H Honor Club members are “blue.” • Based on Rosa’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you use? • Be direct and to the point. • Focus on the results and not the “how” and the “why”; Be aggressive in looking for a solution. • Based on Rosa’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you avoid: • Avoid over-analysis of the situation

21. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS Scenario #2: Part B: Approaching this situation from Raging Rosa’s position: Rosa grew up in a family with four, older brothers. She is very much accustomed to giving and taking direct orders, face-to-face confrontation and standing up for herself. 4-H Honor Club is a very different atmosphere. The relaxed, happy-go-lucky, oh-so-much-fun environment makes her nervous. She’s on alert! She decides that it is to her advantage to establish herself as the “alpha” counterpart from the very beginning. But, she is disturbed because it seems that not everyone likes her … especially the quiet group that seems to avoid her at all costs.

22. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS • How should Rosa approach her fellow honor club members: • Establish rapport first ! Show concern for blue. Be less aggressive. • Based on the Honor Club members’ “color,” what conversation tactics do you use? • Move slowly; demonstrate “being nice”; find some common ground. • Based on the Honor Club members’ “color,” what conversation tactics do you avoid: • Do not attack with “why don’t you like me” questions.

23. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS Scenario #4: Part A: Swanky Susie loves to flirt and thinks that all the boys are just so sweet! Everyone is “ga-ga” for your friend, Susie! Her colorful and fun-loving personality, wittiness, charm and outgoing nature make her irresistible. As for Susie … well, she loves the attention! But for her, it’s just flirting and nothing more. Your other friends have taken notice. They are irritated, talking among themselves and occasionally making quirky comments to you and the others about her behavior.

24. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS • Susie is “yellow.” • Based on Susie’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you use? • Appeal to her feelings; not logic. • Establish rapport first. • Based on Susie’s “color,” what conversation tactics do you avoid: • Avoid being “direct” before establishing a relationship.

25. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS Scenario #2: Part B: Approaching this situation from Swanky Susie’s position: While Susie appears to be extremely self-confident, she is really insecure. However, she has watched her mother over the years use her sweet, southern charm and bat her big, baby-blue eyes to get what she wants. Susie has much success with this tactic as well. As a matter of fact, she notices that the guys seem to really take to this style. She loves it because she can use her looks and charm and no one has to know how painfully shy and uncomfortable she really is around people. But she also knows that some people scowl at her actions and pass her off as a “floozie.” She is beginning to suspect that her friends are feeling the same way.

26. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS Based on her friends “colors,” what conversation tactics should she employ: Red: Be direct. Blue: Recognize that it will take time to change their opinions. Yellow: Work on the relationship; Prepare for lots of conversation. Green: Express importance of principles.

27. COMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS Based on her co-workers “colors,” what conversation tactics should she avoid? Red: Lengthy explanations; avoid all the “whys”; just get to the point. Blue: Approaching them head-on. Yellow: Being direct without establishing rapport. Green: Random conversation; present your argument logically; base your argument on principle; do not expect a response.

28. COMMUNICATION KALEIDOSCOPE • Important things to remember: • There is no one communication style that is better than another; each have their pros and cons. • To effectively communicate, one must put him or herself in the other person’s shoes. • It is to your advantage to have people from all of the “color groups” represented when working as a team.

29. COMMUNICATION KALEIDOSCOPE Questions and Answers … Personal examples? … Suggestions and comments? … Ideas or thoughts?