Sexual Assault and the GLBT Community

1. Sexual Assault and the GLBT Community A Presentation by Safe Zone

2. What is rape? • Whenever a person uses force or threatens to use force or future retaliation in any sexual activity, where non-consent has been indicated • Whenever a person initiates sex knowing that the other person is unable to function or resist because of alcohol or other drug overuse. • Rape is considered an expression of power, control and domination even when the person who rapes has sex as his or her goal. Most people who are raped know the person who raped them.

3. Rape Statistics in the GLBT Community • The prevalence of domestic violence among Gay and Lesbian couples is approximately 25 - 33%. It is as common as it is in heterosexual relationships. • Each year, between 50,000 and 100,000 Lesbian women and as many as 500,000 Gay men are battered. • Seven states define domestic violence in a way that excludes same-sex victims; 21 states have sodomy laws that may require same-sex victims to confess to a crime in order to prove they are in a domestic relationship.

4. Issues Unique to GLBT Community • Survivors who are not “out” may find sharing/reporting the rape difficult or impossible • Lack of awareness about same-sex rape • Insensitivity to same-sex rape; lack of resources • Guilt and self-blame may take the form of questioning ones sexual identity and sexuality • Lesbian/bisexual women survivors may face the fear of not being believed if they are raped by a female because of the myth that "women don't do that sort of thing."

5. How can I help as a friend or partner? • By believing your friend or partner who has been raped. • By respecting the need for confidentiality. • By avoiding judgmental comments. • By controlling your own feelings of anger and/or frustration. • By asking how you can be helpful rather than giving unsolicited advice. • By respecting her or his decisions even when yours might be different. • By being a good listener. • By being honest with yourself if you have trouble handling the aftermath of the rape. • By finding other sources of support if this is the case. • By offering unconditional love and support. • By avoiding pressure to resume any form of sexual activity until initiated by your partner.

6. Same Sex Domestic Violence: MYTHS • Myth #1: Only straight women get battered. Men are not victims of domestic violence, and women never batter. • Reality: Men can be and are victims of domestic violence. Women can be and are batterers. Domestic violence is fundamentally a power issue. • Myth #2: Domestic violence is more common in straight relationships than it is in same-sex relationships. • Reality: There is no reason whatsoever to assume that gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) people are less violent than heterosexual men and women. Research that has been done indicates that battering in same-sex relationships is about as common as in heterosexual relationships.

7. Myth #3: It really isn't violence when a same-sex couple fights. It's just a lover's quarrel, a fair fight between equals. • Reality: This is based on the false assumption that two people of the same gender have no power differences. It also ignores that fact that in domestic violence relationships it is the choice of one partner to take advantage of her or his power in abusive ways. Dismissing domestic violence as a lover's quarrel trivializes and excuses violence that is just as real, and dangerous, as any in a heterosexual relationship. • MYTH #4: Lesbian and gay domestic violence is sexual behavior, a version of S and M. The victim actually likes it. • Reality: This myth persists because many people try to define and understand GLBT people exclusively through sexual behavior - AND because they mistakenly assume that the majority of GLBT relationships are based on or include sadomasochistic behaviors. Confusing sadomasochism with battering, in either straight or homosexual relationships, keeps us from facing the reality that domestic violence occurs in ALL kinds of relationships, and is not the victim's fault.

8. Myth #5: It is easier for lesbian or gay victims of domestic violence to leave the abusive relationship than it is for heterosexual battered women who are married. • Reality: Same-sex couples are as intertwined and involved in each other's lives as are heterosexual couples. There is no evidence that the absence of children makes leaving a violent partner easier, and same-sex couples can have children as well. • MYTH #6: It really isn't violence when gay men fight. It's boys being boys. A man should be able to defend himself. • Reality: These ideas grow out of a larger societal attitude and the primitive notion that it is acceptable for men to be violent. There is nothing normal or appropriate about domestic violence.

9. MYTH #7: The batterer is always bigger, stronger, more 'butch'. Victims will always be smaller, weaker, more feminine. • REALITY: Experience with heterosexual battering and attitudes about traditional sex roles lead many to fall into stereotypes of how batterers and victims, respectively, should look and act. Unfortunately, such stereotypes are of little actual use in helping us to identify who the batterer is in a same-sex relationship. A person who is small, but prone to violence and rage can do a lot of damage to someone who may be taller, heavier, stronger, and non-violent. Size, weight, 'masculinity', 'femininity' or any other physical attribute or role is not a good indicator of whether a person will be a victim or a batterer. A batterer does not need to be 6'1" and built like a rugby player to use a weapon against you, to smash your compact discs, to cut up your clothing, or tell everyone at work that you really are 'queer'.