Healthy Relationships

1. Healthy Relationships “ Related Learning Outcome LO1 “Apply the concepts of health and wellness to identify health behaviours and factors influencing choice and change in health using a holistic approach.” (HEAL4002 myCourseDetails, Semester 2 , 2011)

2. “Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” Anthony Robins

3. Learning Outcomes • Define key terms • Identify types of relationships • Identify and discuss the characteristics and maintenance of successful relationships • Examine factors that affect life decisions • Define sexual identity and discuss its major components • Identify major features and functions of sexual anatomy and physiology • Discuss ways to communicate effectively in interpersonal interactions

4. Terminology • self-concept • self-esteem • self-disclosure • non-verbal communication • Intimate relationships • behavioural interdependence • Accountability • Self nurturance • family of origin • Monogamy • Power • Sexual identity • Sexual orientation • Sexual prejudice

5. Types of relationships A. Family • Behavioural interdependence • Need fulfillment • Emotional attachment • Emotional availability • Family of origin B. Friends • Shared interests • Special caring and regard for each other C. Romantic • Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Partner/Significant other D. Casual • Professional • Acquaintances

6. Characteristics of a family relationship Family relationship • Family of origin • Shared interests • Special caring and regard for each other

7. Characteristics of an intimate relationship • Behaviouralinterdependence • Need fulfillment • intimacy • social interaction • nurturance • accountability • self-nurturance • Emotional attachment • Emotional availability

8. Characteristics of a relationship: Significant Others, Partners and Couples • fascination • exclusiveness • sexual desire • giving the best • being an advocate

9. LOVE What is this thing called love? • Companionate v passionate • Attraction – neurochemicals released - endorphins, dopamine, phenylethylamine (‘natural high’) • Partners chosen by Proximity, similarities, physical attraction

10. Gender and Health

11. Effective Communication • Positive self –concept and self – esteem • Willingness to self- disclose • Being a good listener • Using non verbal communication

12. Communicating: A Key to Good Relationships • Using Nonverbal Communication • Gestures • Interpersonal space • Facial expression • Body language • Tone of voice • touch

13. What is a healthy relationship? • Individuality is respected • Allowed to be yourself • Freedom to enjoy activities without the other • Discussion, differences of opinion and compromise • Listening, respect • Trust and honesty with each other • Respect for privacy • Respect for personal and sexual boundaries • Resolve conflicts in a rational way • Room for positive and mutual growth

14. Creating healthy relationships • Awareness • of your need to be respected • of your power to act • of the cost and consequence of an unhealthy relationship • of the danger signs • Jealousy • Overdependence • Low self esteem

15. Creating healthy relationships 2. Balance • equal control and power: not one-sided • Equal communication opportunities • Both have opinions • Both listening and talking • having other friends and interests

16. Creating healthy relationships • 3. Choices • make conscious choices • be decisive • consequences • knowledge of the cost of an unhealthy relationship • recognising danger signs • knowing your boundaries

17. Give to get! • trust and support • value each other’s independence • have the freedom to be yourself • talk honestly and freely • make decisions together • compromise • respect boundaries

18. What is an unhealthy relationship? • Pressure to change to meet the other’s standard • Afraid to disagree and voice ideas • Justifying what you do, where you go and whom you see • Control and decision making lies with one person • Not being heard • Emotional or physical abuse

19. What is an unhealthy relationship? • No personal space • Dishonesty & making excuses for the other • Frequent, angry outbursts • Withholding love • Unreasonable demands • Humiliation

20. Confronting Couples Issues Jealousy in Relationships • Overdependence on the relationship • Severity of the threat of jealousy • High value on sexual exclusivity • Low self-esteem • Fear of losing control

21. Respect yourself! • Show respect • actions • words Verbal and emotional abuse is a sign of an unhealthy relationship!

22. Take action! Evaluate Relationships – How are they affecting my life? • Is it worth it? Are you aware? • Is there balance? • What are your choices?

23. Unitec studies • Does this person encourage me? • Have my grades improved or fallen? • Have I been absent from class because of this person? • Have I limited my extracurricular activities so I can spend time with this person? • Work • Have I ever missed work because of this person? • Has this person come to my workplace to check up on me/embarrass me? • Does this person support me in my career?

24. Take action! Evaluate • Physical health • Emotional health • Use of drugs or alcohol • My family and relationships • Functioning independently

25. Balance is the Key! Healthy relationships maintain a balance between the individuals involved in the relationship! • “all about ME!” – make my needs your priority • “all about YOU?” – meeting your needs at expense of my own • “all about US?” – risk losing individuality • Healthy relationship? • YOU, ME, US are balanced • YOU or ME may need more attention at times

26. Danger Signs • No communication • Put downs & frequent criticism • Extremes jealousy or possessiveness • Constant check ups • Mood swings • Threats to hurt or harm • Control of your dress, actions and who you can see • Feelings of nervousness around the other e.g. ‘walking in eggshells’

27. Sexuality • Committed Relationships • Marriage • Civil unions • Co habitation / de facto • Staying Single • Having children • Sexual Identity & Orientation • Hetereosexual • Gay • bisexual

28. How healthy is your relationship? • Can you name 2-4 things about this person you really like? • Can your name 2-4 things about this person you really dislike? • Can you name 3 things this person is interested in besides you? • Can you name 3 activities you can be involved in without this person? • Do you both have equal decision-making power in the relationship? • How do you handle conflicts? • Do you think this person’s relationships with family/friends are healthy? • Since forming this relationship, do you generally feel worse, better, or the same about yourself?

29. Confused? Need help? • about your relationship • about where it’s going • about what it is doing for you... • Talk to someone you can trust…friend? lecturer? • Unitec CounsellingService - Free Book at Student Central • What are some resources that you know of?

30. References Craven, R.F., & Hirnle, C. J. (2000). Fundamentals of nursing: Human health and function (3rd ed.). Philadelphia: Lippincott. Crisp, J., & Taylor, C. (Eds). (2009). Potter and Perry’s fundamentals of nursing. (3rd ed.). Marrickville: Elsevier. Donatelle, R. J. (2011). Health: The basics. (Green ed.). San Fransisco: Pearson Education.