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Development of Self. Attachment, connectedness Autonomy, independence. Biological birth Psychological birth. Margaret Mahler Separation-Individuation Process. The psychological birth (the birth of the self) is a slowly unfolding intra-psychic process. Intra-psychic processes.
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Attachment, connectedness • Autonomy, independence
Biological birth • Psychological birth
Margaret MahlerSeparation-Individuation Process The psychological birth (the birth of the self) is a slowly unfolding intra-psychic process
Separation - Individuation 1- symbiotic phase 0-3 months 2- differentiation phase 4-10 months 3- early practicing phase 10-12 months 4- practicing phase 12-18 months 5- rapprochement phase 18-24 months 6- consolidation phase 24-48 months
Symbiotic Phase (0 - 3 months) Infant cannot differentiate between “I” and “not I”
Differentiation Phase (4 - 10 months) Infants begins learning about own body and mother’s body Infant begins making distinctions between: • internal sensations and perceptions of the external world • “I” and “not I” Hatching
Early Practicing Phase(10 – 12 months) crawling - walking • Can initiate separations from mom • Increased body differentiation • Special bond w/mom is formed
Transitional Objects • It is not the object that is important It is the nature of the child’s relationship to the object • An intermediate station between the world of illusion and the world of reality
Practicing Phase (12 – 18 months) Walking • Discovering the world, mastering • Exhilaration, delight, thrill • Focus on own expanding abilities • “I am POWERFUL”
Practicing Phase (12 - 18 months) PARENTS’ job: Allow and enjoy child’s increasing capacity to operate at a distance from them
Self-Recognition Perception of self as a separate being, distinct from other people
Self-Recognition It presupposes a basic sense of identity
The Emerging Self in Toddlerhood • Recognize themselves in photographs • Use their own name & personal pronouns • Self-conscious emotions (e.g., shame, embarrassment, pride)
The Emerging Self in Toddlerhood “MINE! MINE! MINE!” Establishing boundaries between self and other
Towards end of practicing phase(15-18 months) World expands + I can do it all = = I’m great, life is great! …but, oh my, I can’t really do it all, and where is my MOMMY??!!
Rapprochement Phase (18-24 months) Increased sense of separateness Will my mom be here for me…? • Reappearance of separation anxiety, clinginess • Need to consolidate separation & individuation • Ambivalence • Neediness and clinging • Escalating demands for autonomy • Screaming and tears Rapprochement crisis
Rapprochement Phase (18 - 24 months) PARENTS’ JOB: If parent gives in to clinginess stifles child’s need for independence If parent rejects clinginess overlooks child’s need for connection and security So what’s a parent to do…?
Rapprochement Phase (18 - 24 months) Tolerate ambivalence and negativism Respond flexibly to conflicting demands
Consolidation of Individuation (2-4 yrs.) • sense of separateness • sense of individuality • need to assert own will • wish to please parent Early separation anxiety Anxiety over losing mom’s love/approval
PARENTING TODDLERS The challenges of toddlerhood—negativism, defiance, temper tantrums, no-win situations—are not only inevitable but valuable experiences for toddlers, in the process of becoming individuals aware of their own needs and the needs of others
NOOOOOO !! Parents: • you can’t eat the dirt from the plants no matter how yummy it tastes • you can’t fed pancakes to the VCR • you can’t pull the cat’s tail • you can’t hit me when I tell you “no”
NOOOOOO !! Toddlers: • I’m not your clone • I won’t relinquish my sense of myself to do what you want me to do
“I wannit, I needit” • Toddlers desire things w/passion & urgency • The world doesn’t always yield
Temper Tantrums Oh no, my will does not reign supreme!!!! This realization is essential for living within a family
Temper Tantrums • Healthy development: help toddler learn that frustration, anger, and despair are part of the human experience and do not lead to lasting emotional collapse. • Emotional cost: toddlers are scared of displeasing parents (losing their love & approval). Parent as the secure base from which toddler explores not only “the world”, but also the wide range of feelings.
“Even when I am angry with you, I still love you!” CYCLES OF DISAGREEMENT AND RECONCILIATION
Consolidation of Individuation (2-4 yrs.) PARENTS’ job: Cycles of disagreement and reconciliation: the cornerstone of the toddler’s psychological growth
from “SECURE BASE” to “PARTNERSHIP”
PARTNERSHIP • Partnership is unequal: the parent is raising the child. • Parental firmness and boundaries give toddler the freedom to explore. • Partnership results in more complex sense of security.
Self Concept A set of beliefs about one’s own characteristics
Categorical Comparative Interpersonal Implications Make fewgeneralizations Unrealistically positive self-descriptions Use higher-order concepts that integrate more specific behavioral features Coordinate opposing self-representations Think about how they affect others and others affect them Focus on abstract characteristics Conceive of multiple selves In sum…