Writing Stuff They ’ ll Actually Read

"To me, there are three things we all should do every day. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. Number three is you should have your emotions move you to tears, could be happiness or joy. If you laugh, think, and cry, that’s a heck of a day." - Jim Valvano

If we write REALLY, REALLY WELL, we can get our readers to do all three of these things. Sometimes in the same story. • But first, we’ve got to write stuff they’ll read.

Writing Stuff They’ll Actually Read How to spice up your stories in 10 easy steps

STEP ONE: Interview in depth • We like to forget it, but we’re reporters first, writers second. • Get so much stuff that you can’t help but have too much. • After you’ve spoken with a subject, you want to feel like you know them well enough to tell their life story in a way that their family would approve.

Here’s a short piece. How much interviewing do you think it took? • Who’s that guy? That’s what the copy shop clerk wanted to know when a customer came to pick up the funeral photos of Timothy J. Coughlin. That’s also what his wife, Maura wanted to know when she first spotted his “big Irish face” in a downtown bar. People were drawn to him, even before he opened his mouth, often to tell a bawdy joke or display his distinctive vocabulary. (“Great lair!” he would say to a host.)

But there was plenty of substance to back up his friendly appearance. When Mr. Coughlin was not trading securities at Cantor Fitzgerald, golfing, or taking his children—Rianne, 4, Sean, 2, and Riley, 9 months old—to the carousel in Central Park, he was planning social gatherings. “I called him a friendship hawk because he was just so good at circling back and seeing how friends were doing,” said Frank Coughlin, one of his three brothers.

Timothy Coughlin, was the kind of man who gave the towel guy at the gym his start on Wall Street. The doorman from the Coughlin’s Upper East Side building was at the funeral. “I said something smug about how Timmy was so generous,” Frank Coughlin recalled. “He said, ‘No, it wasn’t that. It was that Timmy was my friend.’”

STEP TWO: Write about people, not facts • Statistics etc. suck the life out of stories. Leave them out wherever possible. • Facts and statistics are important—but you get more mileage from them in fact boxes etc. • In our body text, we want to tell stories, not write research papers.

This story could have become a research paper about runaways or those with substance problems. Instead, its about a person and very powerful. • Every night it was the same routine. Senior Carrie Semmens brought her knees to her chest as a tear slipped down her cheek. She sat crouched on a simple mattress, surrounded by darkness, crying out of anger and confusion.

She sat in the room at the teen runaway shelter, The Bridge, night after night, for an entire month this past summer. After struggling with addiction and running away from home, she voluntarily checked herself into the center in Grand Rapids After doing chores and attending counseling sessions all day, she would escape to her small room where she was left alone to contemplate her life—the one she ran away from and the one she was trying to rebuild.

“The first three days I was there, I hated everything and everyone,” Semmens said. “I was so angry. But then, I took a look at the kids around me. All they looked forward to was getting wasted. I realized how good I had it and it made me want to change my life. I learned that the hardest part about the shelter wasn’t dealing with the other kids. It was dealing with myself—I battled myself every day.”

After her parents divorce and the suicide of her best friend, Semmens turned to alcohol and drugs for support. She would party every night and as a result, her grades began to slip and she failed all of her classes. “I definitely hung out with the wrong crowd,” Semmens said. For a while I thought that I had real friends and that I was really happy. But that wasn’t the case. I sacrificed my morals in order to escape my problems.” Before running away to the shelter, Semmens had lived with her mother and stepfather. Her mother was struggling with her own addiction to marijuana and her stepfather was an alcoholic. “At first, I thought [my stepfather] would be good for her, but then things behan to change and I realized he had an alcohol problem. There were fights all the time. I had to go home and deal with it everyday and that was the hardest part. I never got a break.”

Mary Jane Evink taught Semmens in her World Religions class and behan to take notice of her self-destructive behaviors. When Semmens began to skip class, Evink became worried and after five days of absence, she called Semmens’ mother. That’s when Semmens’ mother finally took notice that she had run away. “I just knew that it wasn’t like Carrie to just not show up,” Evink said. “There was something definitely wrong and I felt I had to do something.” After receiving counseling at the shelter, Semmens decided to take control of her life. She moved in with a friend and began to support herself by working every day at a factory. “At times, its really hard. I mean, you don’t know how much you depend on your parents until you’ve lost them,” Semmens said. “But its okay. Some kids are scared to grow up, but I really wasn’t. I think that’s because I knew I didn’t have a choice in the matter.

Semmens is a completely different person than she was a year ago. As she speaks about her past, she treats the matter with a calm maturity and acceptance. She realizes that she is not perfect, but has taken the steps needed to stay healthy. “I’ve made mistakes and I’m not trying to look like a saint,” Semmens said. But I’ve managed to keep clean and healthy since running away. It wasn’t easy—I had to walk away from a lot of people. And I know without my friends and the support of my teachers I wouldn’t have made it this far.” Semmens is now passing all of her classes with As and Bs and will graduate with her class. She plans on attending Baker College in order to pursue an associate’s degree in architecture and is optimistic about her future. She does not plan on letting drugs and alcohol get in her way this time.

End with a great quote! • “I still get asked to parties and sure, sometimes I’ll go,” Semmens said. “ But I go to hang out—not drink. It’s really hard but I know I’ll be all right. I just want kids to know that there is help out there. It’s like through every dark night there’s a brighter day. You just have to keep going.”

STEP THREE: Lead strong A story is a lot like a blind date—you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression A great lead adds drama Find the right way to start a story—don’t be shy You’re not writing for your father’s publication. Break out of the 5ws and H mold.

Instead of starting like this: • “Despite a heartbreaking loss in the third round of the playoffs, the varsity basketball team had its most successful season in eight years.”

Try Something Like This • This is a descriptive lead that captures a very honest, very powerful moment. It appeared in a high school yearbook from California. “So this is how it feels to lose in the playoffs. Twelve guys who haven’t cried in years, heads in hands, tears leaking through their fingers. A silence that echoes. The tear-jerking feeling of missed opportunity But even the dreadful finality of the varsity boys’ third-round loss couldn’t mask the most successful season in six years.”

Which Lead Do You Like Best? • When local artist Shelly Batts saw a clock with the face of the moon in a catalogue, she thought she could do better. So, she made her own.

Maria stares down from her perch above the counter of The Creative Fringe, a downtown Grand Haven bead store. Her green eyes gaze across the room as employee Shelly Batts asks “What time is it Maria?” Maria doesn’t answer, but Batts seems pleased as a few customers look up and giggle. Maria is a clock.

Instead of starting like this: • Despite playing in a steady rain, the Detroit Tigers still banged out five home runs in defeating the Cleveland Indians 17-6.

Try something like this • Allusion lead • “Swinging in the rain. Just swinging in the rain. What a glorious feeling Monday night for the Tigers, they’re happy again. With six runs right out of the chute—their biggest inning in four years—the Tigers started fast and maintained their speed in a soggy, but satisfying 13-4 victory over the Cleveland Indians at Jacobs Field.”

STEP FOUR: Get great quotes and use them early and often • Great quotes add impact. • Quotes give stories pace and momentum • Wherever possible, its best to tell stories in the words of the subjects

Here’s an example Wrestling is an independent sport. Maybe that’s why Wilmar Esteban picked it up so well. Esteban started wrestling in eighth grade, the same year he left his mother, sister and brother in Mexico to live in Grand Haven with his father. During his freshman year, Esteban’s father moved to Muskegon, leaving Esteban to choose one more independent step. He has lived with families residing in Grand Haven ever since, eventually becoming a member of Assistant Principal Jack Provencal’s family. “I don’t know how it all happened,” Esteban said. “My father moved to Muskegon and I would have had to attend Muskegon Public Schools. Then Mr. Provencal asked me to move in and I did.”

Although on the wrestling mat, Esteban meets adversity with ease, dealing with separation from his family for the last four years has not been a simple victory. Four years ago, Esteban packed himself onto a small, padded airplane seat, waved goodbye to his family through small oval windows and took his last look at Mexico. “I did not know how long I’d stay here,” Esteban said. “I got in school, got involved in sports —that’s how things happened.” Even though his future was unclear and most of his family far away, Esteban was not intimidated. “I wasn’t scared,” Esteban said. “I was like ‘I don’t know, discovering new things. That is all. Everything happened quickly. I said goodbye to my sister and brother, I didn’t feel sad in that moment. After I got far away it felt strange. I get sad sometimes. I don’t try to show it. I am sad inside my heart all the time when I don’t have my family. I try not to be thinking of it all the time—I can not move it away.”

That day at the airport was not, however, the last time his family saw him. “He sent a video home,” Provencal said. “We spent a week filming him, showing his mom around town, introducing (his) friends. And he calls. He writes.” Esteban did not have time to think about his family in Mexico when he first arrived in Michigan—he was too busy learning the English language. “When I first moved here, I didn’t know how to speak English,” Esteban said. “I knew ‘Good Morning’ and ‘Hello’ and that was all. I was shy and all I’d say was ‘mhmm.’ Once I was riding with my wrestling coach and I was trying to explain t him about my uncle in Texas. But I said ‘ankle in Texas.’ He started laughing and he said ‘you ankle or your uncle?’ That was something funny.”

Even though English left Wilmar scrambling to adjust, the American people surprised him even more. “In Mexico, they didn’t teach you to push yourself or go harder and in wrestling you got to go hard,” Esteban said. “Everybody’s tough and you got to work hard. I always thought Americans were, how do I say, well, like I was stronger, but I get spanked sometimes. It taught me everybody’s the same.” Esteban not only picked up the English language in his first couple of months in the United States, but he also proved himself on the wrestling mat. As a sophomore, in his second year of wrestling, Esteban earned a spot on the varsity wrestling team and finished as a regional qualifier.

“(Esteban) strives to be the best—he always talks about being a champion,” varsity wrestling coach James Richardson said. “He is one of the last people to leave the wrestling room after practice. He puts in extra practice, extra drills almost every day and I know he applies that to more than wrestling. He finds success [in wrestling] the same way he finds success in math class—through hard work and determination. He has to rely on being mentally tough, and he is.” Esteban has continued with his drive for success. In this season alone, he has already claimed 30 wins. Not everyone is ecstatic about Esteban wrestling, however. “My mom doesn’t like it,” Esteban said. She thinks I’ll get hurt, like scratches and things. She says to me ‘don’t do that, you’ll get hurt.’ But I think its my body and I don’t mind it. Moms worry.”

Not only has Esteban taking the wrestling program by storm, but he has won over the high school as well. Esteban has been on homecoming court twice and following him down the hall, one might learn about a quarter of the school’s names by listening to his greetings. “He’s open and willing to work hard,” junior Josh Gray said. “He can be friends with everyone.” Junior Krystal Waters agrees. “He’s hilarious to talk to,” Waters said. “He used to come and hang out at our soccer practices and stuff. It was fun. He’d come to our team dinners, shoot on me when I played goalie so I’d have something to do—he’s great.” Esteban’s personality affects adults too.

End the story with a slam-bang quote “I’d describe him as incredible,” Provencal said. “He is away from his family during those tender ages when sometimes you need a hug. He’s a real conscientious guy, self-directed by needs encouragement too. He’s a very caring, respectful, honest person. Sometimes he’ll just say ‘geez.’ That’s one of his phrases, ‘geez, I can’t believe I’m here.’”

STEP FIVE: Paint a picture with words • Use your five senses • What does it look like? Sound like? Smell like? Etc. • What are a person’s defining characteristics? • To get this stuff, you must observe and whenever possible, conduct the interview on the subject’s home turf.

Here’s an example. . . • Penney Aiken sits in front of the huge screen that dwarfs the desk in the cramped office of the Michigan Interscholastic Press Association, simultaneously checking data on participants in next week’s MIPA Summer Workshop for high school students and fighting with a printer that is spitting out misprinted door tags.

“Last year I’d come in like three days a week, work like four hours a day,” said Aiken, her short brown hair, multiple piercings, jeans and flip flops pretty much defining the casual style of the MIPA office.

In the adjoining office, Jennifer Buske is wedged on the floor in the doorway, cutting out nametags for all 589 workshop participants. In her black tee-shirt, jeans and bare feet, she could be the poster child for office casual. Inches away from her painted toenails, perched on a small chair is Traci Carpenter. Buske and Carpenter are the Mutt and Jeff of the MIPA staff. Buske a brown-haired, brown eyed journalism major from Syracuse University is gregarious and giggly. Hardly a sentence goes by without a laugh. Carpenter, blonde and fair-skinned is quieter and more reserved. Together they take on many of the jobs related to production of the MIPA workshop. Since many of these require space to set out supplies, the MIPA Office can be a tough workspace

Describe settings as well as people • Presumably Buske’s chosen her location in the doorway , because it’s the only empty space in the offices, two connected 8x10 rooms on the third floor of the Communication Arts building at Michigan State University. While the latest indie-rock hits squawk out of the tinny speakers on one of several small boom boxes perched atop a computer workstation, a mass of journalism-related materials spreads up and out from every square inch of the room. Bulk crates of snack food compete for floor, wall and shelf space with fuzzy pillows, time sheets, photos, employees, a small dish of dog food and what appears to be at least one copy of every training manual and student publication produced in the last half century.

STEP SIX: Don’t merely edit, rewrite • The best stuff rarely comes on the first draft. • When you get edits to make, don’t just change the punctuation and style—keep playing with your stories until they feel right.

First draft While Denawetz has seen much of the world on a student budget, she doesn’t fit the stereotype of an unwashed college kid hauling a grubby rucksack across various continents. “I’m the one with the baby blue backpack and the pink flip-flops,” Denawetz said.

Second Draft—adds an allusion to the description, strengthening the effect While Denawetz has seen much of the world on a student budget, she does so projecting an image that’s more Elle Woods than grubby college kid hauling a grubby rucksack across various continents. “I’m the one with the baby blue backpack and the pink flip-flops,” Denawetz said.

Final Draft—builds on the “Legally Blonde” allusion While Denawetz, a tiny blonde who looks like a cross between Reese Witherspoon and Shirley Temple, has seen much of the world on a student budget, she does so projecting an image that’s more Elle Woods than grubby college kid hauling a battered rucksack across various continents. “I’m the one with the baby blue backpack and the pink flip-flops,” Denawetz said.

Before submitting: READ IT OUT LOUD • This will help you find awkward sentences and check to see if your writing has the rhythm of spoken language. • If you really want to do it right, tape yourself reading it and play it back.

STEP SEVEN: Learn to love words • “Use the right word, not its second cousin.” Mark Twain • Different words have different impacts • But don’t forget the words of E.B. White: “Vigorous writing is concise.”

Here’s a nifty story that could improve its word usage Hospital feels like war zone Blood ran out slowly onto white sheets as Dr. Ron O’Gorman put his gloved finger into the hole in the man’s chest to determine if a lung had been punctured. “Please stop…no more!” the man cried loudly, his face contorted with pain. “Oh my God, it hurts.” The doctor, deadpan, didn’t stop and continued to move his finger around inside the wound on the right side of the chest. Although the man kept yelling and trying to kick his legs, the patient’s out-of-control trembling had stopped.

It was shortly after 11 p.m. Thursday when the ambulance containing the badly wounded patient arrived at Ben Taub General Hospital, but doctors had already been told he was coming. Paramedics reported they had to physically remove the man off a spiked fence at a downtown hotel after he had stuck himself trying to climb over the barrier. “He was just hanging there,” according to a medical technician.

Blood ran out slowly onto white sheets • oozed • leaked • seeped • exuded

Ron O’Gorman put his gloved finger • stabbed • poked • slipped • placed

continued to move his finger • wiggle • pile-drive • worm • actuate

doctors had already been told he was coming • contacted • informed • alerted • forewarned

had to physically remove the man off • evulse • pluck • wrench • extricate

after he had stuck himself • impaled • pierced • jabbed • perforated

according to a medical technician. • a medical technician said • proclaimed • snickered • stated excitedly

Writing Stuff They ’ ll Actually Read