Evaluating and Revising: Improving Word Choice

Evaluating and Revising: Improving Word Choice Introduction Incorporating colloquialisms Removing weak modifiers Replacing euphemisms Adding vivid details Your Turn 1: Incorporate colloquialisms Your Turn 2: Provide vivid details

Introduction What makes a person an excellent public speaker? Is it charisma? Enthusiasm for the ideas being communicated? What about the actual wordshe or she is speaking?

Introduction In writing—as in speaking—the words you choose can have a dramatic effect on the ways your messages are received and understood. Making the best word choices is a significant part of improving your writing style. By carefully crafting your language through effective word choices, you will elevate the power of your writing to communicate with your readers.

Incorporating colloquialisms In certain types of writing, part of crafting an effective style means choosing words that mimic the ways that people actually speak. You can do this by incorporating colloquialisms, the informal words and phrases that people use in everyday conversation, into your writing. Formal language: Hello! Will you be coming along with us this evening? Colloquial language: What’s up? Are you coming out with us tonight?

Incorporating colloquialisms Colloquialisms can give writing an informal tone when you want your personal voice to shine through to the reader. These informal words and phrases are also essential when writing dialogue. By realistically showing the ways characters speak, you can provide information about their ages, backgrounds, and personalities.

Incorporating colloquialisms Try the Evaluation Strategyand Revision Techniquethat follow to incorporate colloquialisms into your writing. Evaluation Strategy: Underline passages in your writing where the language seems stiff or too formal. Ask yourself: 1. Do these examples include dialogue? Can I make these passages sound more natural or realistic? “Why are you behaving so strangely?” Jovina asked. “I am not,” Scott replied. “I am simply tired of your rude behavior.” doesn’t sound natural

Incorporating colloquialisms Revision Technique:Replace underlined passages with words and phrases that mirror people’s actual speech. Keep in mind that your revisions should make the writing more interesting and authentic for your audience. “Why are you acting so weird?” Jovina asked. “I’m not,” Scott replied. “I’m just tired of you being rude.” “Why are you behaving so strangely?” Jovina asked. “I am not,” Scott replied. “I am simply tired of your rude behavior.”

Removing weak modifiers To achieve a powerful writing style, almost every word that you include should make an impact on the reader. Avoid weak modifiers that fall flat and leave readers with a limited understanding of your ideas. Here are some commonly-used weak modifiers: Adjectives: good, bad, okay, soft, pretty, ugly, nice Adverbs: very, really, suddenly, hardly

Removing weak modifiers Weak modifiers produce a vague, unconvincing sentence. These modifiers can make the words that follow seem hesitant and undefined. Replace weak modifiers with more vividandspecific verbs, adjectives, and adverbs to make your writing come alive and leave a stronger impression on your audience. Running very late, she slowly crept into the large auditorium. Running alarmingly late, she timidly crept into the cavernous auditorium. adverbs adjectives

Removing weak modifiers Try the Evaluation Strategyand Revision Techniquethat follow to help remove weak modifiers. Evaluation Strategy: Bracket any adjectives and adverbs in your writing. Ask yourself: 1. Are these adjectives and adverbs vivid and specific? Sue worked very hard to finish this big task. She performed really well and deserves much praise for her efforts. not vivid or specific

Removing weak modifiers Revision Technique: Replace the bracketed adjectives and adverbs with more vivid and precise verbs, adjectives, and adverbs. Sue worked very hard to finish this big task. She performed really well and deserves much praise for her efforts. diligently to finish this momentous task. She performed admirably and deserves sincere praise for her efforts.

Replacing euphemisms Sometimes we substitute words that have a milderconnotation than the words we would actually prefer to use. For instance, if a friend asked your opinion of his new shirt, you might describe it as interesting, when you were really thinking of words like hideous or frightening. These milder terms are called euphemisms, or polite substitutes for more natural words or phrases.

Replacing euphemisms Euphemism Direct Term correctional facility prison additional revenues higher taxes military action war memorial garden cemetery passed away died reduction in staff layoffs While sometimes appropriate in social situations, euphemisms can make your writing seem weak or affected. The chart below provides examples of several common euphemisms:

Replacing euphemisms The Evaluation Strategy and Revision Technique that follow will help you replace euphemisms in your writing with stronger language. Evaluation Strategy: Circle any words or phrases that seem weak or indirect. Ask yourself: • Will these phrases keep my audience’s interest? • How could these ideas be stated more strongly or directly? The battle was not particularly successful for the young nation. Many soldiers lost their lives and many citizens adopted negative views toward the military conflict.

Replacing euphemisms Revision Technique: Replace each euphemism you identified with a more direct word or phrase. Use euphemisms only when necessary to convince readers of your ideas or to preserve a respectful tone in your writing. The battle was not particularly successful for the young nation. Many soldiers lost their lives and many citizens adopted negative views toward the military conflict. The battle was disastrous for the young nation. Many soldiers died and many citizens became vehementlyopposed to the war.

Adding vivid details The details that you include in your writing represent another area in which effective word choices can bolster your writing style. If you present generic or fuzzy descriptions of people, places, and objects, your writing will also seem vague and dull. Notice how the sentence below seems flat and offers a limited amount of description: The man walked along the streets of the city. He listened to the sounds of the city as he gazed at the buildings that rose behind the street.

Adding vivid details One way to make the details in your writing more vivid is to incorporate sensory language. Sensory language infuses your writing style with descriptions of sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and textures. The man walked along the bustling streets of the city. He listened to people shouting into their cell phones and the sound of car alarms over the roar of traffic as he gazed at the towering steel skyscrapers that rose behind the street.

Adding vivid details You can also add vivid details to your writing by including specific names in your descriptions. Specific names of people, places, and things help your readers create a more precise mental image of a scene. The man walked along the bustling streets of the city. He listened to people shouting into their cell phones and the sound of car alarms over the roar of traffic as he gazed at the towering steel skyscrapers that rose behind the street. Joe Garza walked along the bustling streets of New York City. He listened to people shouting into their cell phones and the sound of car alarms over the roar of traffic as he gazed at the towering steel skyscrapers that rose behind Fifth Avenue.

Adding vivid details The following Evaluation Strategyand Revision Technique will help you add vivid details to your descriptions. Evaluation Strategy:Underline descriptive passages in your writing. Ask yourself: 1. Does this description provide readers with enough information to form a clear mental image of the scene? The girl ran across the wide field. She looked around and saw another player coming toward her. The fans cheered behind her.

Adding vivid details Revision Technique:In places requiring more vivid details,replacevague or generic nouns with specific names.Addsensory language to make your descriptions come alive. The girl ran across the wide field. She looked around and saw another player coming toward her. The fans cheered behind her. Elisesprinted across the sprawling soccer field. She peered out of the corner of her eye and spied the opposing team’s best defender coming toward her. The fans cheered behind her. The hometown crowd cheered wildly in a loud crescendo along the sideline.

Your Turn 1: Incorporating colloquialisms Read the passage below and identify places where the language seems too formal or stiff. Revise the passage, using colloquialisms to create a more informal tone. As the two girls sat in the raft, waiting for their turn to race down the rapids course, they talked about the competition. “I am feeling nervous,” Aimee said. “Those rapids appear to be particularly strong today.” “I would not worry about it,” Lindsey replied. “We have conquered more difficult rapids than these. If we complete this run smoothly, we will win this competition!”

Your Turn 2: Providing vivid details Revise the following paragraph to eliminate dull or vague descriptions. Replace these with vivid, lively descriptions. The class boarded the vehicle and set off on their field trip. They arrived at the park and took in their surroundings. They looked at the colorful trees. In the distance, they heard the sound of a waterfall.

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Evaluating and Revising: Improving Word Choice