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Marital separation and divorce

Marital separation and divorce. Is marriage: 1. a voluntary contract that can be ended by either partner; 2. a lifetime commitment “til death do us part?” (How did the women in Promises I Can Keep see it?)

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Marital separation and divorce

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  1. Marital separation and divorce Is marriage: 1. a voluntary contract that can be ended by either partner; 2. a lifetime commitment “til death do us part?” (How did the women in Promises I Can Keep see it?) Gallup poll: “Do you believe that an unhappy marriage should be maintained for the sake of the children?” Sociology 1201

  2. Divorce: Trends and Comparisons • U.S. Rates (why measure divorce this way?) • 1960: 9 per 1000 married women • 1970: 15 • 1980: 23 • 1990: 21 • 2000: 19 • 2005: 16 Sociology 1201

  3. Why the rapid increase? • Legal changes: “no fault marriage” • Changing expectations: “best friend” • Cultural emphasis: self-fulfillment (Functionalism and institutions—does happiness matter to society?) • Women’s employment trends • Men’s employment trends Sociology 1201

  4. Correlates of Divorce • Family income • Education • Race/ethnicity • Age at first marriage! Who initiates divorce? 2/3-3/4 initiated by the wife? Ideas about why? Sociology 1201

  5. Our class: divorce/split Sociology 1201

  6. Our class/parents remarry? Sociology 1201

  7. Should the laws be changed to make divorce more difficult? The General Social Survey Divkids, divnow, divifkid, divlaw Sociology 1201

  8. How serious are the issues that usually precipitate a divorce? Arlene Skolnick: “Grounds for Marriage”, from Family in Transition, 2005. Longitudinal study of couples over a 24 year period. • Each spouse was interviewed in 1958(age 30 or 37) and again in 1970 and 1982 • …“most striking impression from following these marriages through long periods of time is the great potential for change in human relationships.” • Almost 1/3 divorced but “many unhappy couples remained married long enough to outgrow their earlier difficulties.” Sociology 1201

  9. Robert Weis: Marital Separation, 1977 • Research basis: Seminar for the separated at Harvard • Common Themes: wrong from the start, wanting different things, serious failings in spouse (including mental illness), sexual infidelity • Impact on self (symbolic interaction) • Betrayal and duplicity • Direct attacks on self • Obsessive review • “Accounts” Sociology 1201

  10. Diane Vaughn, Uncoupling, 1986 • Research basis: Interviews with 103 divorced or separated men or women • Her own divorce: “Rather than an abrupt ending, ours appeared in retrospect to have been a gradual transition. Long before we physically separated, we had been separating socially—developing separate friends, experiences, and futures” Sociology 1201

  11. Vaughn: common patterns • 1. Harboring secret unhappiness • 2. Making the initial disclosure • 3. Pursuing outside involvements • 4. Accentuating the negative • 5. Deciding to separate • 6. Going public Sociology 1201

  12. Wallerstein and Blakeslee: Second Chances • Began in 1971, with 60 families, including 131 children, aged 2-18 • Recruited by advertisements in newspapers • More educated, more affluent, more white than population as a whole • In early stages of divorce • Common wisdom at the time: healthy people would work through this crisis in six months or a year and get on with their lives Sociology 1201

  13. Second Chances for Adults • Few adults anticipate accurately how arduous and depleting divorce will be • At five year point, half of men and 2/3 of women content with quality of their lives; but half of men and 1/3 of women felt stalled or even more unhappy than during failed marriage • At ten-year point, half of women and 1/3 of men still intensely angry with ex-spouse Sociology 1201

  14. Parents and kids • Unlike most crises, many of these parents were unable to protect their kids first in this crisis. • By ten-year point, 60% of the children over 18 seemed to be on a downward trajectory (in terms of education and social class) compared with their fathers Sociology 1201

  15. Kids at the ten-year point • By 10-year point, many kids defining divorce as formative experience • 35% reporting bad relationships with both their parents • “Sleeper effect:” kids (especially girls) who seemed to be doing well at first but had a very hard time later… often “beset with anxieties about relationships” Sociology 1201

  16. Video: “Children of Divorce” Sociology 1201

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