Adolescence & PARENTING STYLES

1. Adolescence & PARENTING STYLES Shanghai American School September 18, 2013 Presented by Katelyn Regan & David Letiecq Middle School Counselors

2. What is Adolescence?

3. Adolescence is… • A transitional stage of physical and mental human development that occurs between childhood and adulthood • Involves biological (puberty), psychological (emotional, cognitive, etc.) and social changes • Notes: • Research indicates it is starting earlier and at times ending later…

4. Table Talk • What do you remember about adolescence? • What was best about it? • What was most difficult for you?

5. Physical Changes

6. Physical Changes • Rapid physical growth and development • Bones grow faster than muscles develop • Appetite increases • Secondary sex characteristics • Anxiety about appearance • Oil and sweat gland activity • Metabolism fluctuates

7. Social Changes

8. Social Changes • Relationships with friends (and later partners) become a focus • Ups and downs and changes with friends • Being accepted by a peer group is important • Desire to be independent from parents increases

9. Emotional Changes

10. Emotional Changes • Emotional ups and downs • Hormones = uncontrollable moods • Time of self discovery • Self esteem building is important • Sexuality develops

11. Intellectual Changes

12. Intellectual Changes • Thought processes change from mainly concrete to more abstract • Allows for more in-depth analysis and a higher level of thinking • Independent / critical thinking >experimenting • Ethical/moral development • Boys are often developmentally behind girls

13. What’s happening in an adolescent brain? • Important connections in the brain have yet to be formed • During adolescence the brain is still developing: - impulse control - communication skills - relationship skills • The prefrontal cortex is still developing - the center for logic and reasoning

14. Chalk Talk As a parent, how are you addressing and supporting these changes?

15. Parenting Styles There are a variety of different parenting styles – called different names by different parenting experts. However, they have similar clusters of traits. These names and descriptions are from “Parenting with Confidence”

16. Don’t be hard on yourself This is meant for you to reflect and think about some positive changes you might be able to make in the future.

17. Parenting Adolescents • How has the way you were raised impacted your own approach to parenting? • If your goal is to raise honest, respectful and responsible children, what do you think is the best approach to achieve this?

18. Sergeant Major • Lots of rules backed up with harshness • Few reasons for the rules are given • Whatever seems like a good idea at the time is the law • Preaches and lectures • Tells children what to think, not how • Controlling

19. Jellyfish • Rescues • Bribes, nags, whines and pleads • Ignores misbehavior • Tries to be warm, friendly, negotiating and accommodating • Doesn’t set boundaries and limits • Sometimes makes rules, but doesn’t enforce them • When they get overly frustrated, they turn into Sergeant Major parent

20. The Neglectful / Too Busy Parent • Emotionally or physically absent • Lacks rules and supervision • Spends little quality time with the family (and may feel guilty about it) • Denial / head in the sand • Gives gifts rather than time • Falls through on promises • Has quick fixes for problems

21. Back-Bone Parent • Strong but flexible • Sets rules & boundaries with clear reasoning • Calm & secure in themselves • Makes home a loving place by creating a safe and comfortable atmosphere • Thinks ahead and has a clear idea of what they want to achieve as a parent • Allows for communication (with rules) and teamwork between parent and child

22. Four Corners What was the the style of your parent?

23. Four Corners What is your parenting style?

24. Four Corners What is the style of your partner / spouse?

25. Sergeant Major Implications • Tend to become sneaky • Look like little angels publicly, but naughty when nobody is watching • Lack self-esteem • People pleasers • Will probably be led easily by their peers • Tend to feel a lot of guilt and shame • May obsess about rules and punctuality

26. Jellyfish Implications • Tend to feel confused and smothered • Will often experience anger, rage and self hatred • Lack self-esteem and self-discipline • Sometimes are described as “spoiled” or “obnoxious”

27. Neglectful /Too Busy • Has a sense of insecurity and mistrust • Feels unloved • May demand attention, and will use bad behavior to get attention from others • Lies and manipulates • Tends to have repressed anger • Has a hunger for consistency and structure

28. Back-Bone Implications • Loving and secure • Tends to be responsible • Shows self discipline and are self reliant • Works well with others • Has a healthy self-esteem • Sets boundaries for themselves and is assertive with others

29. Table Talk • What is one aspect of your parenting that works well? • What is one aspect of your parenting that you would like adjust or change?

30. Respectful Parenting • Balance kindness with firmness • Require mutual respect • Take time to listen to their children, understand how they feel • Work with their children to solve problems • Model personal responsibility • Children grow up with: (1) a mix of support and structure; and, (2) a healthy measure of trust they’llneed to assume and meet their responsibilities

31. Helpful Reminders... • Adolescence is a stage • Not a child / not an adult • Empathy, affirmation and respect are needed • Clear expectations / hold accountable • Role modeling is powerful • Solve conflicts positively • Discussion is important • Keep communication open / listen without judging • Mistakes = learning opportunities • Sports, exercise, activities are really important

32. Next Up… Book Club: October 9th / Pudong Library / Chapter 2 Counselor Coffee: November 27th / Green Court 1 Clubhouse

33. Questions?