Conflict Resolution and Management

1. Conflict Resolution and Management

2. Think of a time when you were angry with… • A coworker • A family member • A friend Keep that in mind as we go through this class!

3. Is anger a primary or secondary emotion?

4. Is anger a primary or secondary emotion? Anger is a secondary emotion to hurt and fear • Hurt/Fear • Anger

5. Anger Anger Anger Anger Hurt/Fear

6. If you want to take care of the anger, address the root Anger Anger Anger Anger Hurt/Fear

7. 3 Styles of Communication

8. 3 Styles of Communication • Assertive (Drivers, Analyticals, Expressives) • Aggressive (Drivers, Analyticals, Expressives) • Passive Aggressive (Amiables)

9. What does it mean to be…? • Passive Aggressive • Aggressive • Assertive Give some examples!

10. Sample Personality Styles

11. Dynamics of the Communication Styles

12. Passive Aggressiveness Assertive What is Said  Drama  Primary Emotion  Secondary Emotion Aggressiveness

13. Passive Aggressiveness Trust Assertive Trust Aggressiveness

14. Technique

15. Steps to Assertiveness

16. Step 1: Think Before You Speak • Be reflective • Write things out • Answer these questions: • What is my ultimate goal? • What do I want for the other person and relationship?

17. Step 2: Recognize Conflict There are signs that tell you that warn you that a conflict is about to occur: • Passive Aggressive • Aggressive When these signs happen, stop the conversation.

18. Why does this happen? • Lack of trust • Fear that the other person is trying to hurt them • Fear that the other person is trying to attack • You have to let them know that you are not trying to hurt them or scare them…make them feel safe with you again

19. Step 3: Bringing them back to safety • If you catch yourself, apologize • If the other person starts to attack, control, or label…..redirect/regroup • Regrouping is a set of words that rewinds their drama and clarifies your statement.

20. Regrouping • I don’t want you to think……. • I do need you to know…… • I didn’t mean it that way…. • What I meant was….. • That wasn’t my intention • This is my intention

21. Passive Aggressiveness Assertive What is Said  Drama  Primary Emotion  Secondary Emotion Aggressiveness

22. Example 1 • Your daughter is dating someone who has a rap sheet as thick as a 1 inch binder. You say to your daughter, “sweetheart, I need to talk to you about your boyfriend. I don’t really think he is a good idea.” • Your daughter responds, “THERE YOU GO AGAIN….always trying to CONTROL my life!” Regroup and redirect

23. Now your daughter says….. • “Why do you always take everything I love away from me!?” • Regroup and redirect

24. Example 2 • Your employee asks you for Friday off but 2 other employees requested the day off a few days ago. You deny their request…”I’m sorry but I can’t give you the day off. We need coverage and these other employees asked for the time off” • Employee responds: “Great….why is it that you are lenient towards everyone else but ME”

25. Example 2 • Regroup and redirect • They say “Well is THIS how you reward my loyalty? You have a funny way of showing appreciation!”

26. Example 3 • You see that employee from example 2 later that day. They are withdrawn. When you ask them “Are you ok?” They say FINE • How do you regroup this?

27. Step 4: What is your drama? What is said Drama Interpretation 1 Interpretation 4 Interpretation 2 Interpretation 3

28. Step 5: Logos, Pathos, Ethos • Logos: Always begin your conversation by stating the facts • Pathos: tell your side of the story (your drama) • Ethos: be ethical and ask for the other persons opinion • Talk about it • Set goals

29. Goals • Make sure that everyone knows the answers to the following: • Who • What • When • Where • Why • How