Chapter 13 Sexuality and the Adult Years

Chapter 13Sexuality and the Adult Years

Single (unmarried) Living • Increasing rates • Single adults age 15 and over comprise >44.4% of the US population • 40% of homebuyers and 42% of workforce • 33% of men and 25% of women age 30-34 have never been married (4x the % unmarried in 1970) • postponing marriage • choice to remain single or cohabit • more divorces • education, career goals • May reflect change in societal attitudes

Single (unmarried) Living (cont.) • Lifestyles & satisfaction vary widely • celibacy (by choice or b/c of lack of available partners) • long-term monogamy • serial monogamy • Nonmonogamy, either with one primary partner, or among several concurrent partners • research: single persons engage in sexual activity less often & are less satisfied than married persons; however, many singles claim that their sex lives are more exciting

Cohabitation • Cohabitation: living together in a sexual relationship w/o being married • Domestic partnership: an unmarried couple living in the same household in a committed relationship • Many local, regional, and national governments and private businesses offer benefits (i.e. health insurance) • increasing rate & acceptance • is often a precursor to marriage • preference for informal status • Disadvantages • still some stigma • legal confusion

Cohabitation (cont.) • More relationship difficulties • The longer people cohabit w/o getting married, the greater the instability, unhappiness, & lack of interaction comparied w/married couples (self-reporting) • Cohabitation is rarely permanent • Survey indicates that cohabitating individuals are less likely than married people to be monogamous • Couples that cohabitated before marrying have higher divorce rate (50% higher) • Not clear whether cohabitation is the issue or if people who cohabit are more prone to divorce • Cohabitation is increasing among seniors • Older heterosexual couples often cohabit rather than marry b/c remarriage can mean higher taxes, end of alimony payments, loss of spousal pension, etc.

Marriage • Functions for society and individuals • Provides stable family unit; children learn social norms • Economic partnership--integrates child-rearing, household tasks, and earning an income into a family unit • Defines rights of inheritance • Regulate sexual behavior • Emotional & social support system • Associated with better physical and psychological health (if marriage is a happy one) • Takes different forms in different cultures • Collectivist cultures: marriage unites two families; marriages are arranged; feelings between bride and groom not relevant • Individualist cultures: marriage unites two individuals; emphasis is on feelings of love as a basis for marriage

Marriage (cont.) • Discrepancy between ideal and actual marriage practices (especialy in individualist cultures) • Unrealistic expectations of fulfillment • Emotional, sexual, spiritual, financial, coparenting needs • Fewer support networks for marriage • Extended families and small communities have become less close-knit and supportive--increased demand on a marriage to meet a variety of needs • Hard for couples to find resources to help w/household, child-care, financial aid, and emotional support • Lack of preparation for daily issues • Arrival of children can be challenging for couples • People live longer

Marriage (cont.) • A good marriage • commitment to relationship • intimacy & unity with autonomy • management of stressful events • imaginative & pleasurable sex life • providing emotional nourishment • Not so different from a good relationship in general, except that it may involve a greater commitment over a longer time • How about polygamy and matriarchal cultures?

Interracial marriage • Many states in the U.S. (up to 30 at one point) had laws forbidding “miscegenation”--sex or relationships between members of different races • “miscegenation laws” declared unconstitutional by Supreme Court in 1967. • According to 2005 US Census, ~5% of marriages are interracial (10% in California) • 1 out of every 19 children born today is of mixed race

13-A: Discussion question What does it mean to make the vow, “for better or for worse?” If you make such a vow in your marriage ceremony, at what point do you think it is acceptable to break that vow?

Extramarital Relationships: Nonconsensual • w/o consent (or, presumably, knowledge) of spouse • varied & complex reasons • Desire for excitement and variety • Desire to reestablish sense of individuality • Some find it hard to keep being true to herself/himself in the face of a partner’s discomfort--seeks affair to redefine self • Dissatisfaction and possibly, desire to end marriage • Factors influencing likelihood of affairs • Younger people have more affairs • Women as likely as men • Men who had affairs had greater incidence of substance abuse and expressed greater sexual dissatisfaction • Partners w/weak ties to their spouse’s friends, family, activities, etc. are more likely to have affairs

Extramarital Relationships: Nonconsensual • Internet has increased opportunities for affairs • Secret e-mail relationship can also become emotionally charged and “cross a line” • Survey: 41% of adults (more men than women) don’t consider relationships limited to Internet as cheating • Impact of affairs on individuals and marriage • Consequences can be disastrous--loss of self-esteem, guilt, stress, damage to reputation, loss of love, STDs • Many marriages don’t recover from affairs--more likely to recover when unfaithful spouse proactively discloses affair than when spouse discovers it • Spouse of person having affair often feels anger, resentment, shame, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy and rejection.

Extramarital Relationships: Consensual • Swinging • The exchange of marital partners for sexual interaction • Husband and wife participate simultaneously in same location--usually at a home, club, or a “swinging convention” • Open marriage (aka “managed monogamy”) • Marriage in which spouses, w/each other’s permission, have sexual interactions outside of their marriage • Polyamory • Emotional commitment in multiple sexual relationships (i.e. trios, groups of couples, etc.)

Divorce • 43% of all first marriages end in divorce • General explanations • Greater expectations for marital and sexual fulfillment than in the past • No-fault divorce laws • Obtaining a divorce is simpler, cheaper process today • Reduction in social stigma • Women's economic independence • Women no longer need to stay in a bad marriage in order to provide income for themselves, their children

Divorce • Reasons people give for divorce • Infidelity, #1 cause • Poor general quality of relationship • Other: substance abuse, mental and physical abuse • Correlations • Early marriage increases the likelihood of divorce • Teen marriage 2x as likely to end in divorce as marriage in 20s--even lower divorce rate for marriage in 30s • Inverse relationship between level of education and divorce rate • Children of divorce are more likely to divorce themselves • Staying together “for the kids” is no benefit to kids, though: Young adults who believe that their parents should end their marriage are more likely to have positive views of divorce

Sexuality and Aging • Double standard & aging • Aging women are viewed negatively • “erotically appealing” women usually portrayed as young women • Aging men viewed more positively • Gray hair, wrinkles on men are called “distinguished” • Men’s sex appeal associated more w/achievements and social status, both of which often increase w/age • Pairing of famous older men • and younger women • generates little reaction, • but opposite arrangement • generates more attention 15-yr age difference 25-yr age difference

Sexuality and Aging (cont.) • Aging often associated w/sexlessness (see global comparison, below) Fig. 13.4 The Percentage of People in Each Country who Agreed with the Statement “Older People No Longer Have Sex”

13.4 Sexuality and Aging (cont.) • Sexual activity in later years • half of those > age 60 are sexually active • Survey of adults > age 60 who were sexually active said that their sex life today was either the same or more physically satisfying than in their 40s • Many people remain sexually active into their 80s and beyond, though the number of sexually active people does decline w/each decade (see Table 13.4)

Sexuality and Aging (cont.) • Factors that maintain activity • good physical health is most crucial factor • Similarly, regular physical exercise, healthy diet & weight, and light or no alcohol use helps maintain sexual desire & response • prior interest in sexual activity • regularity of sexual activity • “Use it or lose it”

Sexuality and Aging (cont.) • Homosexual activity in later years • Mostly, similar to heterosexual • Lesbian advantages • Less likely to be widowed than a heterosexual woman, b/c women tend to live longer than men • Pool of potential partners is larger (same reason) • Less aging double standard--women are less likely than men to base attraction on a physical ideal

Widowhood • Statistics • In most heterosexual couples, the man dies first • widows to widowers ratio = 4:1 • 50% of widowers, 25% of widows remarry

Chapter 13 Sexuality and the Adult Years