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Understanding Conflict and Resolution. What Is Conflict?. Conflict: a disagreement or struggle between two or more people. It can be constructive! It is a part of any close and healthy relationship The closer your relationship, the more heated your conflicts may be
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What Is Conflict? • Conflict: a disagreement or struggle between two or more people. It can be constructive! • It is a part of any close and healthy relationship • The closer your relationship, the more heated your conflicts may be • It is not pleasant, but it doesn’t have to be painful • Should be handled so that in the end, it strengthens the relationship
Conflict is NOT anger… • False Beliefs: • Anger is caused by others • It is self created • Response to something we do not like • Best way to deal is to let it all out • Venting doesn’t make anything better • Brings out anger in others • Beneficial emotion • No long term advantages • They will push others away • You are a wimp if you do not get angry • Decide how you will feel and take control • Other options besides anger
Conflict can be constructive and is a part of a healthy relationship. • Three common causes of conflict: • Situational • A specific situation gives rise to conflict • Often short-lived • Personality Differences • Every person has a different combination of values and traits that makes up one’s personality • Small matters can build up into major battles • Power Struggles • Power: the ability to influence another person. • When issues are important to both sides, power is used to get others to agree on their terms. • Control: the action of directing another person’s behavior. • The desire for control may get in the way of a solution.
Power Struggles • What are some examples of power struggles? • What types of relationships do you associate with power struggles?
Conflict Discussion • Class Activity
How to deal with conflict… • Constructive • Focus on and clarify current issues, both positive and negative, complete and open information, focus on issue not people, mutual blame, search for compromise. Both win • Facilitated change and trust and intimacy grows • Destructive • Bring up old issues, negative feelings, reveal selective information, focus on people and not issues, blaming, emphasize differences; winner or loser • Minimize change and intimacy, suspicion
Conflict Resolution • Statistics: • Partner understands my ideas and opinions when discussing problems= 87% VS 19% • Can share feelings and ideas with partner= 85% VS 22% • Able to resolve differences= 71% VS 11% • Similar ideas about settling agreements= 64% VS 13% • Partner takes disagreement seriously= 78% VS 26%
Conflict Resolution • People handle conflict in different ways, depending on their personality and attitude. • Some people try to prevent conflict, while others embrace it. • The goal of conflict resolution is to solve problems solve problems constructively without violence. • Although conflict can often strengthen a relationship, it can also be avoided to prevent future problems. • Do not let others irritate you; choose your battles • Focus on the positive • Change the subject • Do not be intimidated or provoked into fighting • Learn to walk away
Conflict Resolution • Video Clips: • Dumb and Dumber • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOdxz77-lag • The Notebook • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1I0hAxGFXw • Friends • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwavS1gWclU • Grey’s Anatomy • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kudAL_A8c70&feature=related • The Hot Chick • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5HWbHWdQx4 • What is the conflict? • Constructive or Destructive? Give examples. • What are the emotions involved?