Showing vs. Telling

Showing vs. Telling Writing with a disciplined eye and controlled focus

Writing to SHOW (SH/E) • Writing that is very sensory allows the reader to be in the moment; going somewhere vs. being told about it. • SHOW (SH) what you mean; Begin your first sentence with images that the reader can see, hear, smell, taste, touch. • Extend the Elaboration (E) by staying on that image or idea to develop your reader’s understanding of it.

Show vs. Tell He gets ready for the race by tying his shoes. Feeling pretty nervous, he examines his shoes. His ankle hurts. He hears the announcer tell the athletes to get ready. After he gets into position, he hears the gun start the race. All his limbs are moving fast and his feet pound the concrete. The muscles in his left leg tense up as he shifts the weight of his body to one side while kneeling down to tie his right shoe. Cross the first with the second, pull. Loop across, bring around, pull, braiding together the frayed gray laces of his Adidas spikes as skillfully as a seamstress weaves with thread. With the pride of even the fleet-footed Achilles, the athlete inspects his sacred wings of land attentively as he quickly brushes off a few blades of grass and dirt collected on the instep of his sneaker. His ankle soon begins to throb with a lack of blood circulation to his foot; in fact, the knot of his shoe is so tightly laced that he can hardly feel his toes suffocating inside his shoe like sardines packed in a tin can.

The SH/E Revision Process • Maintain a tight focus from sentence to sentence • Focus on a single action, emotion, person, or object • Avoid plurals • “Re-envision” your paper • Emphasize what the person/thing is physically doing • Include details you did not consider the first time or eliminate what does not come across well • Vivid verbs • Is each verb in the present tense? • Eliminate weak “be” verbs (“be” verbs bring equality; some things must shine!) • Kiss “is” goodbye • Make “am” into spam • Kick “are” very far • Turn “was” into fuzz • Give “were” a burr

Proving is better than bragging! • Revising a “telling” image: • A nervous man with a bag walks down the street at night. • “nervous” tells…how do you SHOW that instead? • Replace vague details…the street? At night? • ZOOM in on one object …the bag? The street? • Now write…describe, don’t narrate! • She drops her textbooks and quickly kneels to gather them up. • “She” is very vague…how can you help the reader VISUALIZE her? • Replace plural and vague with singular and specific…textbooks? • ZOOM in on one action…drops? Kneels? Gather?

Let’s try it together first… • Write 3-4 sentences that show, rather than tell, the following idea: • The shirt is old. Example: He is afraid His brown greasy hair swats his scarred face with each galloping stride. Gripping his Smith & Wesson in his left hand, he plummets through a pants pocket with his right, in futile search for an additional clip that does not exist. Instead, his bony index finger protrudes through a hole to reach a sticky thin layer of blood on his right quadriceps, where a single shotgun shell has met its target.

Where to Begin? • A hint…the telling writer often uses a wide lens, but the showing writer starts in TIGHT focus. • Begin with images the reader can see, hear, smell, touch, taste – and continue to use these images! Take time to stay within that image. • Sometimes it’s easier to start somewhere in the middle of the action • Show each specific detail as if filming frame by frame; give reader time to take in the detail before moving on to next one. • Avoid a narrative (this happened, then this…) which can lead to telling writing • Stay with the subject! Have you explored all its details? • Avoid WEAK verbs: is, are, was, were, be, being, am, been • Factor generic words (shoe or Nike running spike?)

Your Assignment • Write a paragraph SHOWING the following: The room is messy. It must include: • Between 175-250 word count ( about ½ page) • proper MLA formatting! • Heading, Header, Spacing, Font, Title

MLA Formatting 1” margins all around Last Name, # Student Name Teacher Name Class and Period Due Date Original Title Double Spaced Times New Roman 12 pt font

Showing vs. Telling