What is Bullying?

1. Bullying & CyberbullyingRobin LewisSchool Community Violence Prevention EducatorWestminster School District

2. What is Bullying? Bullying occurs whenever one or more persons enjoy using power to repeatedly and consistently harm one or more other people. From “About Bullying” by William Voors

3. Who is involved with bullying? • Bully: the person or persons who are using their power or influence to hurt the victim(s) • Victim: the person or persons harmed by the bully or bullies • Bystanders: people who are aware of the bullying and have an opportunity to affect the situation (e.g. they can choose to encourage the bullying, do nothing, stand up to the bully, tell an adult, etc.)

4. What is NOT bullying? • Teasing: the term “teasing” is only appropriate when describing a playful situation where all people involved are having fun and when hurting another’s feelings is not the intent. • Fights where there is not an imbalance of power are not bullying. The child who bullies is stronger physically, verbally or socially and leaves the target feeling overwhelmed and unable to deal with the abuse.

5. Categories of Bullying • Physical Bullying (involves physical harm to the victim’s body or possessions) • Verbal Bullying (involves emotional harm to the victim) • Relational Bullying (involves emotional or social harm to the victim’s relationships and/or reputation)

6. Physical Bullying Can be in the form of: • Kicking • Pushing • Shoving • Hitting • Spitting • Pulling hair • Biting • Locking child in an enclosed space • Humiliating • Wedgies/pantsing • Sexual harassment

7. Verbal Bullying Verbal bullying is NOT “just teasing” • Threats • Yelling at someone • Swearing • Name-calling • Cruel jokes about appearance, disabilities, race, ethnic background, religion or idiosyncrasies.

8. Relational Bullying • Relational bullying is any behavior that is intended to harm someone by damaging or manipulating relationships with others. This kind of bullying thrives in a climate that separates and classifies youth people into cliques. • Types of relational bullying can include: • Shunning • Ostracizing/Isolation • Excluding • Ignoring • Threatening looks • Negative body language (eye rolling) • Gossip and/or rumors Can occur in person and/or through the use of technology when it becomes Cyberbullying.

9. What kids can do aboutbullying • In a firm voice and with strong eye-contact, ask the person to stop • Don’t respond with violence or name-calling • If the bully or bullies don’t stop, tell an adult at school AND an adult at home • If kids see bullying happen to someone else, they need to become allies to the victim and stand up without violence. If it doesn’t stop, they need to tell an adult at school and at home. • Don’t spread rumors, stop gossip by standing up. • Learn to say what is upsetting you in an assertive, direct way – not passive or aggressive

10. Cyberbullying • Cyberbullying is using technology to degrade or humiliate someone • Can take place on instant messaging, camera phones, chat rooms, e-mail, web logs (blogs), social networking sites and cell phone text messaging • Can include any form of relational bullying or can be used as an extension of physical bullying • Technology is ideal for bullying because it is faceless, often nameless, gives kids a false sense of confidence and power, leading them to believe they can be a different person online than in real life

11. Types of Cyberbullying • Flaming – angry, rude arguments • Harassment – repeatedly sending offensive messages • Denigration – “dissing” someone online by spreading rumors or posting false information • Outing and trickery – disseminating intimate private information or tricking someone into disclosing private information, which is then disseminated • Impersonation – pretending to be someone else and posting material to damage that person’s reputation • Exclusion – intentional exclusion from an online group • Cyberstalking – creating fear by sending offensive messages and other harmful online activities From Center for Safe and Responsible Internet Use, cyberbullying.org

12. Instant Messengers & Text Messaging • Everything talks to everything! • Desktop computers, PDA’s, ipods, iphone, and cellular phones are all ways to send information • Messages, pictures, videos, webcams, and more from portable devices • Kids can send things in a heartbeat • Cell phones in class/during tests • With all this technology comes bullying • It’s like the new “bathroom wall” for gossip and rumors

13. Cyberbullying on IM • Girls are the primary offenders and victims • Girls mature more quickly than do boys • Girls use the internet as a secondary playground to socialize • Along with this socializing, comes bullying • “Outcasts” can be excluded from chat rooms, booted from private chat rooms • “Don’t talk to Janie.” “Let’s all go to another area, Janie you can’t come.” • The Ignore feature… “Iggy Button”

16. Game Room Bullying

17. Cyberbullying: Blog Bullying • Blogs (Web Logs) are like online diaries • Lots of cyber bullying goes on in blogs in the form of gossip and rumors • Almost anything can be posted on the individual’s site (pictures, hate mail etc) • “Friends” can post items on the sites • People can create a website i.e. “Ihatesteveclub” • My Space is the most popular social networking site, although there are lots of others (Xanga, Facebook, Classmates, Friendster, etc.)

18. Cyberbullying: Targeting a Peer

19. Cyberbulling: Targeting an Adult

21. Cyberbullying: in Comments

23. Some Consequences ofBullying or Cyberbullying • Bullying and cyberbullying can have devastating effects on victims (including suicide) • Cyberbullying can have serious consequences for bullies & bystanders (including suspension, legal charges, hurt reputations) • Posting inappropriate information or photos can lead to rejection from jobs or colleges later in life • Academic, attendance, behavioral and social problems can also occur due to bullying * Ryan Halligan video * (www.i-safe.org)

24. Helpful Tips for Parents: • Talk WITH your kids about appropriate use of the internet & potential dangers due to predators or bullies. Ask them what they know and teach each other in a “side by side” approach • Give kids simple, reasonable rules about sites and types of sites that are okay and not okay – don’t overreact • Tell kids you will be monitoring their internet use and follow-through (keep computers in a family room – NOT bedrooms, use monitoring/blocking/filtering software and learn your available resources as the “Administrator” on your computer) • Limit daily internet use (approximately 30-60 min/day) • Encourage other healthy activities & hobbies for free time (sports & exercise, music, clubs, volunteering, helping others, reading). These activities help children and teens to increase their DEVELOPEMENTAL ASSETS and are proven to improve academic achievement, social skills and more long-term goals

25. What can parents do aboutcell phones? • Prohibit the taking of hurtful photos, talk about the “Golden Rule” as a guide • Test the caller ID on your child’s phone, encourage them not to answer unwanted calls • Explain the types of cyberbullying, advise what they should do and let them know the consequences if they participate • Tell them their phone number is private information • Consider purchasing a child-friendly phone that encourages communication with parents and other approved individuals, but blocks unwanted calls • Teach them basic cell phone etiquette before they get their own phone • Tell your kids how you would like them to handle invitations to cyberbully: tell friends they don’t want to participate, fake a call drop, tell you about it, etc.

26. Advise Your Child What to Do:Direct Action Try this if you’re invited to join in a cyber fight: “I totally understand that you are having a problem with this person, but I can’t get involved. I’m not going to take sides. No matter what happens between the two of you, things between us will stay the same.” What to say when you’re in the fight: “I really don’t want to talk about this online. I think it’s easier to talk over the phone or in person. Can I call you right now?” (or, “Can we talk tomorrow at school at [suggested time]?” What to say when someone tries to involve you in bullying: “I don’t feel comfortable doing this.” or “I’m not cool with this.” “Let’s talk later.” or “Check out this amazing [website, download, song, video]!” (i.e. change the subject)

27. Advise Your Child What to Do:Indirect Action If there’s bullying or cyberbullying: Don’t join in – sign off. Announce you’re leaving or just “disappear.” You can always blame your internet connection or your parents. Don’t forward hurtful e-mails: This is one time you can “do something” by “doing nothing.” If you send it on, now you’re doing it yourself! Print it out or save it: If you’re receiving bullying messages of any kind, print them and save them. Parents and kids may want the evidence if you ever decide to take action against a cyber bully.

28. Additional Information www.netsmartz.org http://cyberbully.org http://www.i-safe.org http://www.cfchildren.org/cfc/parentsf/parentindex/ www.unicel.com/standup/adults_intro.html

29. For More Information or to Report Bullying or Cyberbullying Contact your child’s school or Contact the service provider for your cell phone or internet service provider regarding Cyberbullying If violence is threatened, contact the Police Dept. If you need further assistance, contact the Parent & Community Outreach office at GGUSD at 714-663-6166.