Introduction to Interpersonal Communication

1. Introduction to Interpersonal Communication Prof. Tamara Arrington COM 252 University of Kentucky

2. What is communication? • What do you think communication is? How would you define it? Take a few moments to write write down some thoughts…

3. Communication • Communication is defined as the interchange of thoughts or opinions through shared symbols; e.g. language, words, phrases • Some synonyms of the word communication are:message,directive, word, contact, commerce, communion, intercommunication, intercourse; converse, exchange, interchange, conversing, discussing, talking; conversation, discussion, talk, advice, intelligence, news, tidings

4. Shared symbols • Sometimes when we communicate we assume we are using shared symbols when we might not be • Think about the term “asap”, “as soon as possible”. What does it really mean? • Think about how the meaning might change in the situations on the next slide…

5. Shared symbols • How might your meaning of “asap” change in these situations?… • Someone from another department calls. He needs some detailed information asap; but you are already rather busy. • A coworker comes to you for help with an assignment. She needs you asap; but you have another job to finish before lunch. • Your immediate supervisor, whom you like to please, asks you to type a memo for her asap; but you already have a stack of other jobs to finish.

6. Shared symbols • Someone from another department calls. He needs some detailed information asap; but you are already rather busy. • In this situation, you might interpret “asap” as “when I have finished all of my own work and have a chance to get to it. It might be tomorrow or the next day.”

7. Shared symbols • A coworker comes to you for help with an assignment. She needs you asap; but you have another job to finish before lunch. • In this situation, you might interpret “asap” as “after I have finished my own work, I will help out after lunch”.

8. Shared symbols • Your immediate supervisor, whom you like to please, asks you to type a memo for her asap; but you already have a stack of other jobs to finish. • In this situation, you might interpret “asap” as “I’ll do this now and finish my other work afterwards”.

9. Shared symbols • In the previous examples, we’ve seen the meaning of “asap” change from “in a few days” to “immediately”. • Many other words and phrases are also vague and have different meanings for different people. • Shared symbols are not always completely shared. The message intended is not always the message received.

10. Stimulates meaning in the mind of the other Both verbal and nonverbal Symbolic A process Functional Systematic Interactional Transactional Principle of Communication

11. Involves a process of adjustment Every message has both a content and relational level of meaning Relationships may be viewed as symmetrical or complementary Can be intentional or unintentional Communication is a series of punctuated events IPC is a transactional process Inevitable Irreversible Unrepeatable Principles of IPC

12. Maxims of Communication • You cannot not communicate. • Watzlawick, Beavin, & Jackson, 1967 • The quality of your communication directly affects the quality of your life. • There is no one right way to be an effective communicator, or do a relationship.

13. Communication will solve all our problems We need more communication Communication can break down All communication seeks understanding Communication is a good thing Meanings are in words Communication is a natural ability A competent communicator is competent across contexts Causality can usually be attributed to a single action Myths About Communication

14. Why do we communicate? • What do you think? Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts…

15. Why we communicate • We communicate to: • Share our ideas and opinions • Provide feedback to others • Get information from others • Gain power and influence • Develop social relationships • Maintain self-expression and our culture • and other ideas you may have thought of

16. How do we communicate? • Think of the many ways in which you communicate… Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts…

17. How we communicate • We communicate and build interpersonal relationships through: • Speech • Writing • Listening • Non-verbal language • Music, art, and crafts

18. Choosing your medium • Depending upon the situation, one method of communication may be better than another. • In person: one-to-one • In person: meetings, small groups • In person: presentations, large groups • Letter • Memo • Note • Email • Voice mail

19. Choosing your medium • To determine the best medium for your message determine: • What you as the sender need to achieve • What the receiver needs to know. What the receiver wants to know • How detailed, important, and or personal the information in the message is • Which behavior you want to influence and how

20. Choosing your medium • How would you communicate… • To your parents that you were getting married • To your friend that you quit your job • To your co-worker about a notice of a meeting • To a classmate that you wanted to work together on the project • To your teacher that you were having problems in the class Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts…

21. Barriers to communication • What are barriers to communication that exist in these settings? • School • Work • Family Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts…

22. Barriers to communication • Some common barriers to interpersonal communication include: • Unclear process: The receiver and sender may not share the same language, slang, jargon, vocabulary, symbols • Chain of command: There may be too many layers that a message passes through between sender and receiver • Large size of an organization, geographic distance: Large numbers of receivers require good message sending methods • Personal limitations: Physical and mental disabilities, and differences in intelligence and education may interfere with mutual understanding

23. Barriers to communication • Additional common barriers to interpersonal communication include: • Human nature: Peoples’ egos, prejudices, and traditions can get in the way • Conflicting feelings, goals, opinions: If people feel on opposite sides of an issue they may not share • Power: The idea that knowledge is power can lead to information hoarding • and other ideas you may have thought of

24. Sharing your ideas • Why and when is it necessary to share your ideas? Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts…

25. We share ideas to… • State an opinion or position • Give instructions or directions • Announce a change • Make presentations • Participate in meetings • Give information in emergencies • Communicate the organizational mission, vision, and values • and other ideas you may have thought of

26. Obstacles to sharing ideas • What can make sharing ideas difficult? Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts…

27. Obstacles to sharing ideas… • Your own shyness • Fear of rejection • Peer pressure • Unorganized thinking • Others possibly becoming defensive • Physical disabilities (impaired sight, hearing, speech) • Having to deal with aggressive people • and others you may have thought of

28. Speak for yourself… • To ensure your messages are clear, speak for yourself, not for others: • Speaking for yourself sounds like: • I, me, my… • I think, I feel, I want to know that… • Speaking for no one sounds like: • It, some people, everyone, they decided… • Speaking for others sounds like: • We, you, John, Mary said…

29. SHARE your ideas – a model • State the main point of your message • Highlight other important points • Assure the receiver’s understanding • React to how the receiver responds • Emphasize/summarize your main ideas

30. SHARE – an example State the main point of your message “I’d like to talk to you the new employee welcome program”. Highlight other important points “We need to discuss the new schedule, locations, and presenters”. Assure the receiver’s understanding “Do you need me to further clarify how we are making invitations”? React to how the receiver responds “I understand your concern about parking”. Emphasize/summarize your main ideas “To wrap-up, I’ll develop the schedule and make the room reservations, if you can line up the guest speakers”.

31. Getting good information • Why is it necessary to get good information from others? Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts…

32. Get good information to… • Find out facts and details • Get directions or instructions • Try to understand another’s point of view • Help someone solve a problem • Resolve a team conflict • Solve work problems • and other ideas you may have thought of

33. Obstacles to getting good information • What can make getting good information difficult? Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts…

34. Obstacles to getting good information • Lack of trust • Assuming you already know it all • Jumping to conclusions • Not valuing diverse opinions • Weak reading skills • Weak listening skills • Weak questioning skills • and other ideas you may have thought of

35. Competent Communication Involves… • Having a large repertoire of skills • Becoming adaptable • Knowledge and skill • Being involved • Having empathy & perspective-taking • Being cognitively complex • Self-monitoring • Tolerating ambiguity • Being open-minded

36. So what makes a “relationship”?

37. 3 Primary Functions of Relationships • Inclusion • We all need to be a part of something • We have social and identity needs • Affection • We all need to be loved • Absence of = failure to thrive (Maslow) • We have physical needs • Control • All have a need to be influenced • All have a need to influence others • We have practical needs

38. Continuum of Relationships(Steve Duck, University of Iowa, 1989) • It is impossible to have a non-interpersonal relationship • The basic unit of interpersonal communication is the dyad • There exists a continuum of relationships between social and personal • A relationship begins when there exists a mutual “recognition” of the other • Not a personal relationship until a “mutual caring and concern exists between people”

39. What Makes a Relationship “Personal”? • The interaction is personal • It is unique • It is irreplaceable • There is interdependence • There is self-disclosure • There are intrinsic rewards