February 2013 Connection Program Volunteer Telelearning :

1. For Internal Use Only February 2013 Connection Program Volunteer Telelearning: Managing Difficult Behaviors in Peer Relationships

2. Managing Difficult Behaviors in Peer Relationships Call One • Tuesday, February 12 at 7 p.m. ET • (6 p.m. CT, 5 p.m. MST, 4 p.m. PT) • Participant Dial-In Number: (877) 251-0302 • Conference ID: 97606288 Call Two • Wednesday, February 13 at 2 p.m. ET • (1 p.m. CT, 12 p.m. MST, 11 a.m. PT) • Participant Dial-In Number: (877) 251-0302 • Conference ID: 97640378 When asked after dialing in, please provide your First and Last Name, and City and State. This information is required for purposes of tracking attendance.

3. Difficult Behavior… What Happens to You: • Describe the behavior of the other person. • How did you behave? • How did you feel afterwards? • How do you think he/she felt? • Did you wish you had done something different?

4. Hostile-Aggressive Behavior SHERMAN TANK BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Try to bully • Abrupt with others • Intimidating • Arrogant tone COPING • Give them time to run down • Interrupt • Refuse to recognize intimidation • Avoid open confrontation

5. Hostile-Aggressive Behavior SNIPER BEHAVIOR COPING • Smoke them out • Ask direct “?s” • Do not get involved SIGNS • Pot shots • Innuendos

6. Hostile-Aggressive Behavior BABY-BRAT BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Adult temper tantrums • Out of control • Loud/rapid voice (yelling) • Tension in body language COPING • Give them time to run down • Get their attention (eye contact, move to them) • Call time-out • Try to douse fire • Stay calm and in control • Deep breaths

7. Know it All Behavior BULLDOZER BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Tone of absolute • See in black and white • Make others feel inept • Exude feeling of power COPING • Listen and acknowledge • Question firmly • “I have difficulty . . .” • “Will you help us . . .”

8. Know it All Behavior PROFESSOR BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Jargon and acronyms • Pontification • Create tangents to show off COPING • Bring group back • Ask for English • Acknowledge expertise and enlist help

9. Know it All Behavior PHONY EXPERT BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Speak with authority • Know little about subject • Wrong facts COPING • State correct facts • Provide “face-saver” • See them after group for damage control

10. Silent or Unresponsive Behavior CLAM BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Do not peep • Look dormant • Never volunteer response • Observe others • Hard to know what they think • May leave and criticize • Haughty look OR • Trapped rabbit COPING • Observe body language • Call on them • Open ended ?’s • Friendly silence • Don’t rescue • Treat as a response • See them later

11. Silent or Unresponsive Behavior NEANDERTHAL BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Grunts • “Yep” • “Nope” • Stays on fringe of group • Seems annoyed COPING • Ask for more • “Please elaborate” • Give observation of body language

12. Blaming and Complaining Behavior WHINING BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Run on sentences • Accusing • Whiney tone • Fault finding • Triangular complaints COPING • Limiting response • Interrupt • Disagree • Force problem solving • Avoid ADR patterns: (Accusation/defense/re-accusation patterns)

13. Blaming and Complaining Behavior SIGNS • “Yes, but . . .” • “We tried that before” • “It’s no use” • Conversation stoppers • See obstacles as absolutes • Pessimism COPING • Avoid getting drawn in • Don’t argue • State realistic/optimism • Enlist others in positives “EEYORES” (NEGATIVIST BEHAVIOR)

14. Indecisive Behavior “STALLER” BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Prolong discussion • “But, wait!” • Fear errors • Impede group decision process COPING • “Last comment” • Note time and need for action • Use flip chart for recording

15. Indecisive Behavior MULTIPLE PERSONALITY BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Forget decisions • Request rehash • Total turn-around COPING • Good minutes • Flip chart • Firmly state decision was made

16. Super-Agreeable Behavior “POLLYANNA” BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Always a smile • Agreeable to a fault • Verbally wishy-washy • Body language tells story • Sings different song after meeting • “It will all work out somehow” COPING • Challenge • Ask for honest opinion • Observe body language/describe and ask • Look over shoulder for knife in back!

17. Super-Agreeable Behavior SIGNS • Always volunteering • Charming • Great until needed • Then disappear • Men (Don’t do it)(Aggressive/passive) • Women (Do it, but poorly) (Passive/aggressive) COPING • Challenge promises • Insist on timeline • Be ready to compromise “HOUDINI” BEHAVIOR

18. Anti-Group Behavior SNAKE OIL SALESMAN BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Has hidden agenda • Uses group for personal gain COPING • Establish clear rules on group purpose and conflict of interest • Confront individual

19. Anti-Group Behavior RAMBLIN’ ROSE BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Likes to talk – rambles • Often off topic • Preoccupied with own interests • Can’t get to point • Digresses COPING • Interrupt by jumping on a relevant point • Redirect to group • Emphasize time and goals • Acknowledge valid points or relevance of tangent for another day • Take responsibility – “Perhaps I was not clear”

20. Anti-Group Behavior CHATTY CATHY BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Side conversations COPING • Ask for only one person at a time to talk • Ask them to share with the entire group • Move to stand or sit near them • Stop talking yourself • Call one by name • Rearrange seating so side talkers can’t sit together • Enlist other group members' help

21. Hostile-Aggressive Behavior DEBATE TEAM BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Loves to argue • Loves to win argument • Naturally combative or frustrated or angry • Annoyed with leader or someone else COPING • Be fair . . . accept difference of opinion as natural • Avoid taking sides • Find points of agreement • Control your temper • Designate another time

22. Hostile-Aggressive Behavior DON RICKLES CLONE BEHAVIOR SIGNS • Uses put-downs • Tells ethnic, racial or sexist jokes • Humor has underlying meanness COPING • Name what you see • Don’t laugh • Establish kindness policy

23. Sending Clear Messages COMMUNICATION ESSENTIALS WHATyou say 7% HOW you say it 38% WHATis seen 55%