Dealing with Difficult People

1. Dealing with Difficult People

2. OBJECTIVES Following completion of this session you will be able to: • Identify three types of difficult people • Identify methods for dealing with difficult people • Develop your own category • Discuss dealing with difficult parents/guardians • Discuss the acronym CLEAR for dealing with difficult parenting situations • Develop an acronym for personal use in dealing with difficult youth or parents/guardians

3. Six Types of People In life, there are six types of categories many people fall into, especially in group settings:

4. The Know-It-Alls Characteristics: • Self-appointed experts • Speak with great authority about subjects they may know little about • Believe they have all the answers • Feeling they have the facts makes them feel powerful Strategies: • Help them see other points of view • Don’t challenge their knowledge • Paraphrase back what they said, seeking understanding • If you object, ask questions…do not accuse or point fingers

5. The Passives Characteristics: • Silent and unresponsive at times • Don’t want to be blamed for a wrong answer • Afraid of making enemies or saying something incorrect • Can often possess hidden agendas Strategies: • Get them engaged with smaller groups • Pause to allow more them for them to respond if desired • Ask open-ended questions, not ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions • Don’t ‘call them out’…wait for them to engage • Provide positive reinforcement when they do engage

6. The Dictator Characteristics: • Very strong sense of what others should feel, do and say • Have to prove they are right in all situations • Feel threatened by new suggestions and ideas • Rule by “It’s my way or the highway” mentality Strategies: • Use ‘I feel’ statements when responding to them • Be respectful but still stand for what you believe in • Use eye contact and a confident posture when speaking with them, especially in group settings • Validate that you understand and acknowledge their pointof view • Offer concrete plans for action, not just ideas

7. The ‘Yes’ People Characteristics: • Will agree to anything asked of them • Typically never able to follow through on tasks • Often give excuses • Want everyone to get along, don’t like disagreements or confrontations Strategies: • Let them know you do not expect miracles, but doexpect tasks to be completed • Allow them time to speak and be honest without negativerepercussions or accusations • Work with them to find a win-win solution

8. The ‘No’ People Characteristics: • Always see problems, never solutions • Focus on negative things rather than positive things • Often tear others down or shut down creative processes • Unable to ‘think outside the box’ Strategies: • Confront their negativity with positive comments • Don’t engage them in an argument • Don’t try to convince them they are wrong • Ask “What’s the worst that could happen” • Never make them feel isolated or that everyone isagainst them

9. The Griper Characteristics: • Use a whining tone that blames and/or accuses others • Often play the role of a victim • Want solutions to problems but rely on others to solve problems • Personal motto “I told you so…” Strategies: • Stay positive and realistic in situations • Avoid arguments and stick to the facts • Never apologize for their actions or behaviors • Ask them what they hope to accomplish with their complaints

10. Quick Strategies Dealing with difficult people can be very draining. Whatever the situation, you should work to prepare yourself, even with quick strategies like the following: • Inner Shield – Keep the negative out • Words – Keep them powerful, skillful and defend your point of view • Negotiation – Work for win-win; use active listening and do not point fingers • Humor – Keep comments general, not directed toward anyone or any groups; use to appropriately defuse tense situations

11. Team Activity Working as a team, you will need to complete the following steps: Your team is responsible for creating a NEW category of people (cannot duplicate those already mentioned). Your brief-out will need to include the following: • Title/name of your new category • Characteristics of those who ‘fit’ this category • REMEMBER: Specific names of individuals not allowed • At least a 2-minute presentation to the large group

12. Difficult Parents/Guardians Teachers, coaches and friends are not the only difficult people we may encounter in our lives. What about our parents/guardians? How many times have you wondered… • Why can’t they just see things from my point of view? • Why do they always have to make such a big deal about everything? • Why are they always checking up on me? • Why can’t they just let me live my life? ANSWER: Because they love you and care about you and always want to ensure you are safe, happy and healthy!

13. CLEAR Model The following model can help us when dealing with all types of difficult people. You just need to remember CLEAR: C: Connect… • Work to find something you have in common • Show genuine care and concern • Focus on positives rather than negatives

14. CLEAR Continued… L: Listen… • Focus on what the person is saying • Paraphrase statements back to them, seeking understanding • Avoid interrupting E: Empathy… • Focus on their words and feelings • Work to understand their point of view • Avoid personalizing statements or attacks

15. CLEAR Continued… A: Acknowledge… • Seek first to understand, they to be understood • Do not diminish their feelings or thoughts • Value their contributions R: Request… • Ask versus demand • Engage in open communication; using control only causes resentment and resistance • Upon completion of request, follow-up with personal ‘thank you’

16. Team Activity As a team, you are going to develop your own acronym for dealing with difficult people. You team will have approximately 10-15 minutes to… • Develop their acronym • Create a team poster (using provided materials) • Present acronym and poster to larger group

17. OBJECTIVES Following completion of this session you will be able to: • Identify three types of difficult people • Identify methods for dealing with difficult people • Develop your own category • Discuss dealing with difficult parents/guardians • Discuss the acronym CLEAR for dealing with difficult parenting situations • Develop an acronym for personal use in dealing with difficult youth or parents/guardians

18. QUESTIONS What questions are there at this time?