A Discussion On Bullying Presented By Cathal Walsh & Nick Dougherty

1. A Discussion On Bullying Presented By Cathal Walsh & Nick Dougherty Champions Way – August 6th 2012

2. Background & Context • Schools are microcosms of society. • Historic climate of tolerance. There is a slow changing of the guard. • Today’s schools are in a state of flux . Shift towards “personalized learning.” • No clear direction on dealing with bullying. • Policy rich but action poor. • Popular media feel good blitz – no substance. • Martial arts schools focus has been on children.

3. A Discussion On Bullying Presented To School XYZ PTA, October 3, 2012

4. The Bullying Equation A desire to hurt + Hurtful action + Power imbalance + Repetition (typically) + An unjust use of power + Evident enjoyment by the aggressor + Sense of being oppressed on the part of the victim = Bullying

5. Facts About Bullying… • About 10 percent to 15 percent of children say they are regularly bullied. • Bullying takes place most frequently in school. • At school, bullying occurs most often where there is little or no adult supervision--on the playground, in the hallways and cafeteria, and in the classroom before lessons begin. • Most bullying is verbal rather than physical. • Bullying begins in elementary school, peaks in middle school, and falls off in high school. It does not, however, disappear altogether.

6. Facts About Bullying… • Boys bully both boys and girls. Girls tend to bully girls. • Although boys are more often the perpetrators and victims of bullying, girls tend to bully in more indirect ways, manipulating friendships, ostracizing classmates, and spreading malicious rumors. • Both bullies and onlookers tend to blame the victims for the treatment they receive.

7. Facts About Bullying… • Although most victims don't look very different from their classmates, they are taunted most often because of their physical appearance. • Boys who are chronically victimized tend to be more passive and physically weaker than their tormentors.  • In middle school, girls who mature early are commonly victims of harassment.

8. Symptoms Of Being Bullied • Damage or loss of clothes and possessions • School avoidance • Changes in speech and/or sleeping patterns • Changes in diet • Changes in academic performance • Secretiveness • Uncommunicativeness • Bed wetting • Ask for money or begin to steal money • Bully younger brothers/sisters

9. What Makes A Bully? • Violent arguments between parents • Parents getting divorced • Death of a relative or someone close to them • Neglect or abuse at home • Being bullied by a brother or sister • Being bullied by other children • Watching disturbing films/programmes on TV or video (meant for adult viewing)

10. What Makes A Bully? • An inability to make friends or maintain friendships • Being used to getting their own way at home, but not at school • Schoolwork is not challenging them enough • They are behind with their schoolwork • They have friends who are part of a bullying gang and don’t want to be bullied themselves

11. If Your Child Is Being Bullied… Stage 1 – First Disclosure • Remain calm. • Encourage your child to talk about what is happening. • Be there for your child. Listen to them. • Take the bullying seriously. • Reassure them that it’s not their fault and that you love them. • Don’t blame (either yourself or your child). It’s happened, now’s the time to deal with solving the situation positively.

12. If Your Child Is Being Bullied… Stage 2 – Taking Action • Contact the School as soon as you become aware of the problem. • Arrange to see their Teacher(s) and Principal. • Support your child to keep a ‘Diary’ with details of incidents. This should include the date, time, place, who, what happened, any witnesses and how he/she feels as a result of the incident. • Although you may feel angry and/or upset, try to work with the School to resolve the problem. Remember: Your first concern is to ensure that your child is happy and safe at School.

13. If Your Child Is Being Bullied… Stage 3 – Future Prevention • Educate yourself and your child about bullying. • Work to strengthen communication with your child and their school. • Work to build (re-build) your child’s confidence.

14. If Your Child Is A Bully… Stage 1 – First Disclosure • Remain calm • Don’t condemn your child, but try to quietly find out what is happening, and why (see below) • Condemn your child’s bullying behaviour, but avoid labelling your child a ‘bully’ • Ask your child if they understand the harm they may be causing, including any possible consequences to themselves.

15. If Your Child Is A Bully… Stage 2 – Taking Action • Talk to their friends, teachers and anyone else who may be able to give you more information • Seek help and support to resolve any underlying issue(s) • Co-operate with the school about their behaviour. Arrange for regular reports to update you on your child’s progress. • Ensure that your child apologizes to everyone who was affected by their behaviour

16. If Your Child Is A Bully… Stage 3 – Future Prevention • Set positive goals for your child. • Praise them when they achieve their goals. • Reward them for positive behaviour.

17. Resources • www.bullyfreezone.co.uk/ • www.bullyonline.org • www.keystosaferschools.com • www.SHAKU.ca • Parents Do Make A Difference, Borga Michelle D. Ed (Jossey-Bass Publishers, 1999) • Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander, Colorosa, Barbara (HarperCollins, 2003)

18. For More Information Cathal Walsh, M. Ed SHAKU Family Martial Arts Ladysmith & Nanaimo BC 1.888.742.5810 SifuCathal@SHAKU.ca