Chapter 8 Communication in Relationships

1. Chapter 8Communication in Relationships • Nature of Interpersonal Communication. • Principles of Effective Communication. • Disclosure/Honesty/Privacy/Lying • Gender differences in Communication • Sociological Theories • Conflicts in Relationships

2. Effective Communication • Make communication a priority. • Establish/maintain eye contact. • Ask open-ended rather than closed-ended questions. • Use reflective listening: paraphrase what your partner says back to him/her.

3. Effective Communication • Use “I” statements. • Avoid brutal criticism: “You are fat.” • Make positive comments and compliment your partner. • Be specific about what you want.

4. Effective Communication • Stay focused and avoid branching. • Make specific resolutions to disagreements. • Send nonverbal message to match verbal message. • Keep process of communication going. • Fight fair.

5. Gender Differences in Communication • Men talk about activities, share information, and want to “solve” problems. • Women talk about relationships, enjoy interacting, and seek empathy, not solutions. • Men keep feelings inside; women disclose.

6. Sources of Conflict • Behavior: partner does things you don’t like (is late or lies). • Cognitions/perceptions: conflict exists only if individual perceives situation as problem. • Value differences: religion, children, day care for children, money, etc.

7. Sources of Conflict • Rule differences: amount of time to spend together, how late is late, division of labor. • Leadership: spouses develop territory in which they make decisions.

8. Styles of Conflict • Competing - Partners are assertive but uncooperative. • Collaborating - Partners are both assertive and cooperative. Each has a definite suggestion but cooperates to find a win-win solution.

9. Styles of Conflict • Avoiding - Partners avoid a confrontation, and don’t communicate about the issue. • Accommodating - Cooperation takes priority over assertiveness so that immediate goal is to reduce conflict and find a solution.

10. Steps in Conflict Resolution • Address recurring issue. • Identify new desired behaviors. • Summarize partner’s perspective. • Generate win-win solutions.

11. Defense mechanisms • Escapism - sleep or drugs. • Rationalization - justify own behavior. • Projection - attribute one’s feelings to another. • Displacement - shift feelings from the person who evokes them onto someone else.