Communication in Personal Relationships

1. Communication inPersonal Relationships • Imagine that suddenly you have no close friends and no romantic partner……. Comm. in Personal Relationships

2. Understanding Personal Relationships • A Voluntary commitment between irreplaceable individuals who are influenced by rules, relationship dialectics, and surrounding contexts. • Features of personal relationships • Uniqueness • Commitment • Relationship rules • Embeddedness in contexts • Relationship Dialectics Comm. in Personal Relationships

3. Features of Personal Relationships • Uniqueness • Social relationship vs. Personal relationship • Connection defined by particular people and what they create • Commitment • A decision to remain with relationship, intention to share with the future • Passion, Investment Comm. in Personal Relationships

4. Features of Personal Relationships • Relationship Rules • Guiding communication and interaction • Constitutive rules: Meanings in various communication • Regulative rules: When and with whom specified & “shalt not” in marriage, religious groups Comm. in Personal Relationships

5. Features of Personal Relationships • Embeddednes in contexts (social) • Surroundings influence interactions • Social norms in groups • Particular others & generalized others • Approval and disapproval • Increasing cultural diversity Comm. in Personal Relationships

6. Features of Personal Relationships • Relationship dialectics: Opposing vs. Continuous tensions • Autonomy / Connection • Wanting to be separated and connected • Novelty / Predictability • Wanting routines and novelty • Openness/ Closedness • Desires to be open and to maintain privacy Comm. in Personal Relationships

7. Four Ways to Deal with Dialectical Tensions • Neutralization • Negotiating a balance • Separation • Favoring one and ignoring the other • Segmentation • Assigning spheres • Reframing • Redefining contradictions Comm. in Personal Relationships

8. Evolutionary Course ofFriendship (6 stages) • Role-limited interaction • Friendly relations • Common ground and interest • Moving toward friendship • Stepping beyond social roles • Nascent friendship • Increased involvement and caring • Stabilized friendship • Shared assumption of continuity & Trust • Waning friendship • Ceased being committed Comm. in Personal Relationships

9. Evolutionary Course ofRomantic Relationship (3 phases) • Escalating • Typically six stages • Navigating • Ongoing process of communication to sustain intimacy over time • Deteriorating • Intimacy weakens, dissatisfaction mounts Comm. in Personal Relationships

10. Escalating (6 stages) • Individuals not interacting • Invitational communication • Proximity & Similarity • Exploratory communication • Intensifying communication • Involves idealized (more than real; euphoria), personalized communication (private codes) Comm. in Personal Relationships

11. Escalating • Revising communication • Coming down to talk about strengths, problems, the future • Negotiation, even conflicts • Commitment • Decision to stay with a relationship permanently Comm. in Personal Relationships

12. Navigating • Dynamic (not stable), thru new problems • Relationship culture: The nucleus • Rules, understandings, patterns… • Usually unspoken Comm. in Personal Relationships

13. Deteriorating (5 phases) • Dyadic breakdown • Degeneration of relationship culture • Gender differences (p. 202) • Intrapsychic phase • Brooding about problems, thinking about alternatives • Dyadic phase • Not always occur, tends to involve conflict • Avoiding taking about problems Comm. in Personal Relationships

14. Deteriorating • Social phase • How to explain breakup • Seeking social support • Grave dressing • Burying the relationship, accepting its end Comm. in Personal Relationships

15. Styles of Loving (p. 201) • Eros 激情; 強烈 • Storge 知己; 益友 • Ludus 遊嬉; 挑戰 • Mania 狂熱; 極端 • Agape 無我無私 • Pragma 務實; 理性 Comm. in Personal Relationships

16. Challenges inPersonal Relationship • Dealing with distance • Lack of daily communication • Unrealistic expectation for time together • Managing dual-career relationship • Lack of equity • Women with more psychological responsibilities • Resisting violence and abuse between intimates • Violence seldom stops without intervention • Predictable cycle (p. 208) • Negotiating safer sex • More difficult to talk about sex than to engage in it • Under influence of alcohol or drugs Comm. in Personal Relationships