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PARENTING IN TODAY’S WORLD Dr. Maggie Mamen Psychologist, Mom and Nana

PARENTING IN TODAY’S WORLD Dr. Maggie Mamen Psychologist, Mom and Nana. WARNING!. This presentation may contain politically incorrect subject matter, relatively coarse language, and common sense … Viewer discretion is advised.

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PARENTING IN TODAY’S WORLD Dr. Maggie Mamen Psychologist, Mom and Nana

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  1. PARENTING IN TODAY’S WORLD Dr. Maggie Mamen Psychologist, Mom and Nana

  2. WARNING! This presentation may contain politically incorrect subject matter, relatively coarse language, and common sense … Viewer discretion is advised.

  3. “Children these days are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.” Socrates, 400 BC

  4. CHILDREN OF VICTORIAN PARENTS POST-WAR BOOMERS GENERATION “X”

  5. SO WHAT HASN’T CHANGED?

  6. BASIC REQUIREMENTS FOR PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH Sleep Good nutrition Exercise/fresh air Spirituality/morality Positive relationships Safety and security

  7. “I KNOW, BUT …” she doesn’t want to … he doesn’t like … I can’t get him away from the TV, video games, computer, MSN, phone … I read this book that said you should never say ‘no’ to children, it damages their self-esteem … I can’t stop him … they won’t listen to me … I can’t make her …

  8. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO UNDERMINE PARENTS AND OVERLY EMPOWER CHILDREN?

  9. Children’s rights Legislation The legacy of abuse “Experts” Diagnosis Focus on self-esteem The “nag factor” The “mythical family”

  10. THE “PAMPERED GENERATION” Sense of entitlement Think they’re “management” Low tolerance for boredom Suspicious/dismissive of adults/authority Child-driven, powerless parents Increased incidence of mental health problems

  11. THREE RULES OF THUMB

  12. BE THE ADULT - take responsibility, be accountable - - work as a “management team” - - know your values, have a plan - - leader, not servant - - exercise your authority! -

  13. COMMUNICATE CLEARLY rule, advice, negotiable, non-negotiable? choice/no choice? listen, acknowledge, validate, decide separate feelings/behaviour

  14. TEACH, DON’T ‘PUNISH’ • - positive ‘job description’ - • - reinforce small steps - • - capitalize on teachable moments - • - provide informed choices - • - actions, not just words -

  15. SOME WORDING CHANGES - from “have to” to “choose to” - from “if you don’t ..., you won’t …” to “when you have …, then you may…” - from “who …?” to “whoever …” - From - from “but …” to “so …”

  16. PROVIDE A BALANCE BELIEF: “My child should always be happy and feel good about himself” LESSON: “No pain, no gain” BELIEF: “My child should never be bored” “My child should always have fun” LESSON: “Out of boredom comes creativity” BELIEF: “My child has the right to express her feelings” LESSON: “Sometimes children should be seen and not heard”

  17. BALANCE … BELIEF: “My child should be consulted and be able to vote on all family decisions” LESSON: “Life is not a democracy” BELIEF: “My child has to be given a choice” LESSON: “Some things are non-negotiable” BELIEF: “My child has to be given a reason” LESSON: “The word ‘no’ is a complete sentence” LESSON: “Because I said so” is sometimes a good enough reason

  18. BALANCE … BELIEF: “But I can’t make her!” LESSON: “Just watch me!” AND WHEN THEY SAY: “Everyone else’s parents let them” “You are the worst parent ever” “I am hard-done-by” “But I don’t WANT to …” “It’s not fair!” LESSON: ...

  19. “Suck it up!”

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