Conflict Resolution: Dealing With Difficult People

1. Conflict Resolution: Dealing With Difficult People CCT Business Training Instructor: Greenville, SC 29617 Deborah Batson

2. Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.William James

3. Dealing with Difficult People • Overview of Conflict • Conflict as Communication • Benefits of Confrontation • Preventing Problems • Getting Focused • Managing Anger • Dealing with Problems • Three Step Conflict Resolution Model • Practice Makes Pretty Good • Changing Yourself • Why Don’t People do What They are Supposed To? • De-stress Options to Use When Things Get Ugly

4. Dealing with Difficult People • Do you ever feel like everyone around you is simply having a bad day? • Do you want to lock yourself in a room and avoid people? Success comes from understanding how we behave, as well as how we can influence others. Learn how to turn difficult situations into opportunities for growth! Manual Page 2

5. Session One: Course Overview Course Learning Objectives • Recognize how your own attitudes and actions impact others. • Find new and effective techniques for dealing with difficult people. • Learn some techniques for managing and dealing with anger. • Develop coping strategies for dealing with difficult people and difficult situations. Manual Page 2

6. Toss away all the negatives! Identify your Personal Objectives. Manual Page 2

7. Review What is your greatest “take away” from this session?

8. Your own attitudes affect other people.True False • We can turn difficult situations into opportunities for growth.True False • You can develop coping strategies for dealing with difficult people.True False

9. Session Two: Conflict as Communication Manual Page 3

10. For good ideas and true innovation, you need human interaction, conflict, argument, debate.Margaret Heffernan

11. Understanding Conflict • Conflict is a very normal part of healthy relationships. • What is important, then, is to learn how to manage disagreements so that they do not harm relationships. • We need to have conversations about accountability. • Find something that you like about that person, and you will be able to frame the conversation positively. Manual Page 3

12. Do We Have To Fight? • Conflict arises from the differences between people. • Both parties’ needs play an important role in the success of the relationship. • Each side deserves respect and consideration. • When you acknowledge the legitimacy of conflict and are willing to examine issues in a cooperative environment, you can open the door to creative problem solving, more cohesive teams, and improved relationships. Manual Page 3

13. What is A Conflict? • A conflict is more than just a disagreement. A conflict comes with a threat, real or not. • Conflicts become more serious when they are ignored. • Perception colors our reactions and triggers emotions. • Conflicts trigger our emotional hot buttons. • Conflict brings growth. Manual Page 4

14. How About Avoidance? • You may think that avoidance is a great way to handle conflict. • We would agree that it is one way to deal with difficult situations. • It is not the best response in all situations, however, sometimes it is the right response. Manual Page 5

15. How About Avoidance? If avoidance was the case in all workplaces, what would happen with important safety policies? Drug enforcement policies? Sexual harassment policies? If no one enforces these policies, despite how difficult it may be and despite how threatened you may feel when you stick your neck out to enforce them, things would not improve or be safe in the workplace. Someone has to enforce these policies Manual Page 5

16. How About Avoidance? On the other hand, you may be in a situation where you feel threatened or somehow unsafe, or you decide that the relationship is not one that you want to foster, and then walk away. You can reschedule the conversation when everyone’s temper has been restored, or you can choose to get some help (i.e. through mediation, your manager, or an HR specialist) with the situation. Manual Page 5

17. Self-Assessment This assessment will help you to determine your preferences for involvement in dealing with difficult people, and taking on those challenging conversations. Answer each questions with yes or no. Manual Page 6

18. Scoring Self-Assessment: Add up the number of times you answered "yes." • 7-10: This course is perfect for you. Don’t let your attention wander! • 4-6: You’re in the right place for help, and you’re going to learn some things. • 1-3: You’re managing well and likely successful in dealing with difficult people. • 0: You ought to be teaching this course! Hopefully you’ll find a few helpful gems to enrich your relationship building. Manual Page 7

19. A Point to Ponder Somebody has to initiate the move to a more positive or constructive cycle. As the manager/supervisor, you will be the most likely choice in many situations. Remember, people you encounter may have a low self-image. This might mean they are uncomfortable with someone who they perceive as having more power. That can contribute to feelings of mistrust, or make people behave in what we perceive as a difficult manner. They may view decision-making as a personal threat, and prefer to be led rather than make a decision. Manual Page 7

20. Review What is your greatest “take away” from this session?

21. Which of these skills will help you manage conflict? • Problem solving • Communication • Empathy • All of these • You are the person in the best position to change a negative cycle to a _________one. • What is important, is to learn how to manage disagreements so that they do not harm relationships. True False Positive

22. Session Three: Benefits of Confrontation

23. The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.Thomas Paine

24. To Talk or Not to Talk In deciding whether you want to proceed with a difficult conversation, there are some things to consider. If this relationship is important to you, then it makes sense that the conversation takes place. But not every conversation is necessary. Is it worth tracking someone down and having a confrontation when they cut you off in traffic? The person who interrupts you in a meeting but has never done so before, and probably never would again? Manual Page 8

25. Determining Your Involvement In order to decide whether you need to deal with a difficult person or not, ask yourself the following questions: • Is this person important to me? • Is this relationship important to me? • Has this happened before? • Does this bother me or other people? • Can I invest my time? If you answer “no” to any of the five questions, we recommend that you remove yourself from the situation. Manual Page 8

26. Reciprocal Relationships • Interpersonal relationships have a reciprocal nature. • If we continually try to engage people in negative ways, we can predict the results. • Think of yourself in terms of some of your work relationships. Manual Page 8

27. Think of a Difficult Person • How do they approach you? • How do you approach them? • What expectations do they have in interactions? • What could you do to improve that relationship? • How do you think we can achieve better results or performance from our employees, clients or colleagues? Manual Page 9

28. A Point to Ponder How do you think we can achieve better results or performance from our employees, clients or colleagues? Expect more and you get more, especially if you are clear about what your expectations are at the outset. Offer sincere praise and/or thanks for things that people do well. Be aware of and act on destructive cycles in your conversations with clients. Be accountable for making a break from that cycle.

29. Review What is your greatest “take away” from this session?

30. Be aware of and act on destructive cycles in your conversations with clients. Be ___________for making a break from that cycle. • I have to confront all the difficult people I work with.True False • If we continually try to engage people in negative ways, we can _______the results. Accountable Predict

31. Session Four: Preventing Problems

32. If you want to bring an end to long-standing conflict, you have to be prepared to compromise.Aung San Suu Kyi

33. The Importance of Empathy • We can do a lot to keep problems from happening in the first place, especially if we empathize. • Avoid phrases like, “I agree” or, “Yes, that’s true.” • Don’t reinforce a concern. • Simply rephrase the key topic of the person’s statement. Manual Page 11

34. The Importance of Empathy Key Phrases • "I hear…” • "I understand…" • "I think you're saying…" Manual Page 11

35. The Importance of Empathy Rephrasing before answering gives you: • A chance to empathize with the concerns • An opportunity to show the person that you understand the concern • A moment to think of an appropriate response Manual Page 11

36. Dangerous Misconceptions • People always pay attention when you are speaking to them. • When people say they are paying attention, they really are. • When someone says "I know" s/he really does. • Saying something over and over will ensure that your listener understands. • Saying something over and over, slowly or loudly, will be even more effective. Manual Page 11

37. Discussion Brainstorm additional methods of preventing problems that youhave found successful. Manual Page 12

38. More Pointers for Discussion Look at non-verbal communication. Refusing eye contact, red face, clenched hands, and arms crossed can all indicate negative feelings. Reading between the lines. This is more difficult. We have to listen to what the person isn’t saying as well as what they are saying. Do they sound angry, defensive, or put upon? Are they refusing to give an opinion or take action to correct things? Do you sense a reluctance to do something or confusion over what the person is to do? Manual Page 12

39. More Pointers for Discussion Probing Probing is a helpful form of open questioning that can lead you to a deeper level of understanding within your conversations. One of the most common ways of probing is to ask an open question, such as: “Can you describe that with more details for me?” “Would you give me a specific example of what you mean?” “What do you think we should do?” The difficulty here is that if you ask too many probing questions, the other person begins to feel like they are being interrogated. Be careful with what you ask and how you ask it. Manual Page 12

40. More Pointers for Discussion Another very effective way of probing is to simply pause. Stop talking. People often do not like silences and will invariably speak up to fill the silence. A third way is to ask a reflective question. For example, the person has just said, “What I really want is more variety in my work,” and you may respond by just reflecting back to them, “Variety?” The reflective question usually provides you with an expanded answer without you appearing to ask more questions. Of course, it is best used in conjunction with a pause. A fourth method that is particularly useful to make certain you are clear about what the individual has said is paraphrasing what has just been said, in your own words. Example: “So if I understand you correctly, you…” Manual Page 12

41. More Pointers for Discussion The last method, most often used as a conversation is winding down, is the summary question. Example: “You have tried ignoring the scent of your colleague’s cologne, you have talked with him about how it affects your allergies, and you have tried shutting your door to keep the scent from your workspace. None of these has worked and now you are asking me to intervene. Have I got it right?” All of these methods can help make the other person feel better understood and prevent conflict from occurring. Manual Page 12

42. Review What is your greatest “take away” from this session?

43. We can do a lot to keep problems from happening in the first place, especially if we __________. • People always pay attention when you are speaking to themTrue False • Probing is a form of: • Open questioning • Closed questioning • Paraphrasing • All of the above Empathize

44. Session Five: Getting Focused

45. Conflict is drama, and how people deal with conflict shows you the kind of people they are.Stephen Moyer

46. Getting to the Heart of the Matter • Despite our best efforts and our good use of management techniques, our attempts can seem to be for nothing. • Behaviors we thought we had influenced positively (or corrected altogether) can regress. Manual Page 12

47. What’s Missing? You aren’t getting to the heart of the problem. • If, as leaders, we are content to only deal with the surface issues, and we are afraid to dig and get at the deeper issues, we will not create a better workplace. • We simply scrape the moss off of the surface, only to have it to grow back later. • The ability to peel an infraction back to its core takes patience and precision. • You must be able to state the problem in a single sentence. Manual Page 13

48. The Three F’s To get to the heart of the problem, evaluate the 3 F's: • Facts: Make a list • Frequency: When and how much • Frustrated Relationship: • I feel like I cannot trust you to get the work done. • I feel like I am constantly nagging you and I don’t like to do that. • I feel like I can’t trust you to keep the commitments you make. Manual Page 15

49. Review What is your greatest “take away” from this session?

50. The three F’s are: _________, __________, and _________________. • You must be able to state the problem in a single sentence.True False Facts Frequency Frustrated Relationship