Bullying is….

1. Bullying is…. • deliberate and intentional • imbalance of power – the bully has power over the other • relational problem – use of power aggressively to cause distress to others • Repeated acts, patterns • Fear from the victim about what is going to happen next • Directed to one or a few individuals

2. Tattling vs Telling Tattling: When you are only telling to get another child in trouble. Telling: When you are telling because it will keep you or another child safe. Both: Tell because we need to know. “Thank you for telling me” • Remember to always keep the lines of communication open, and listen attentively to what your child is saying or trying to say.

3. Possible Warning Signs Suddenly shows a lack of interest in school or refuses to go to school. Grades start to drop. Starts withdrawing from family, friends or school activities. Starts coming home hungry and says he is losing his lunch or that he is not hungry at lunch. Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches or other physical conditions. Consistently using the bathroom as soon as they get home. Does something out of character (skipping school, taking things from home such as money). Has physical injuries or clothes and books that are torn or missing. Wants to take a different route to school.

4. Steps to a Bully-Free Zone • Learn the signs and language of bullying • Be aware of the importance of power • Positive climate of equality • Identify bullying behaviour • Involve youth in the development of rights and responsibility of the group • Foster inclusiveness • Hold children accountable • ‘hard on the problem and soft on the person’

5. How can I tell if my child is bullying others? • Using verbal or physical aggression to deal with conflict. • Coming home with items or money that don't belong to them. • Hanging around with other children who appear aggressive. • Having a hard time expressing feelings. • Being unable to play cooperative games with others. • Becoming angry when they lose a competitive game. • Talking about "getting even" with others. • Reacting to questioning with anger or avoidance. • Playing inappropriately with much younger children. • Putting down other children in conversations

6. What can I do if my child is bullying? 1. Stay calm – Get as much information from teachers and others about your child’s behaviour.. 2. Be firm – Let your child know that bullying is not acceptable and that it must stop. Discuss how their actions can be helpful or hurtful. Stress that you still love them and will help them to change the bullying behaviour. 3. Ask why – Ask why they bully others and what might help to change the behaviour. Ask how your child would feel if he/she was being bullied. 4. Encourage expression – Find out if there is something troubling your child. Encourage your child to express his/her feelings. 5. Use non-violent consequences – Work out an effective, non-violent consequence that is age appropriate. Eg: take away a privilege

7. 6. Aid reconciliation - Work out a way with your child to help make up to the victim for the bullying without re-victimizing the victim 7. Set rules- Keep an eye on your child's activities, whereabouts and friends. Set clear but reasonable rules, and give immediate feedback on progress 8. Seek Help - Cooperate with the school in working to change your child's aggressive behaviour. Keep in touch with teachers/counsellor to find out how they are doing 9. Spend time - Spend time with your child and offer praise when they show non-violent, responsible behaviour. Work with them to find non-violent ways to deal with anger and "let off steam." 10. Monitor TV - Make sure your child does not see violence between family members and monitor television and video-game playing for violent content. Encourage discussion about suitable role models and heroes. 11. Reflect Examine your own behaviour to see if you are using your power as a parent appropriately. Remember that you are a powerful role model in your child's life. Practice healthy interpersonal skills in your relationship in the family and in the community

8. How to help if your child is a bystander • Speak up. Examples of things you can say include: • “A teacher is coming!” (Even if this isn’t true, it can create a distraction that breaks up the bullying situation.) • “That’s mean!” (If you show disapproval others are likely to agree with you.) • “Stop – you’re going to get in trouble!” (Reminding the person that what they are doing is against school rules can be a good discouragement.) • “Why is everyone standing around watching this? Let’s leave!” (Bullying behaviour is reinforced by those who passively watch, so ask others to leave with you.) • Provide an escape for the person being bullied. For example: • “Let’s get out of here.” (Inviting the person to leave with you is a powerful way to show support and provide an escape from the situation.) • “Mrs Carter has been looking for you. She wants you to go see her.” (Inventing a reason why the person being bullied needs to leave is another good way to help them get out of harm's way.)

9. If you feel safe, talk to the person who is bullying privately and ask them what's going on. Let them know you’re aware of the bullying and that it's not OK. • If you see someone being bullied on their Facebook wall or other online space, leave a message saying that you think comments like that aren't OK. • Tell a teacher, administrator, or other adult you trust if you are afraid for your safety or someone else’s. It’s not tattling if you’re trying to keep someone safe. If someone is being physically harmed, you can call the police or 911. • Support the person being bullied after the situation is over. For example, you can ask them how they're doing, or remind them that it wasn't their fault.

10. What if my child is bullied? • Listen without judging/rushing in • Tell them that what is happening is not their fault: “What is happening is not ok” • Strategies • Ensure there is no re-victimization • Check-in that the problems have not grown • Positive feedback about their behaviour to help increase self esteem • Talk to the teacher, principal • Involve child in activities outside of school • Support looser social circles vs ‘BFFs’ If you do nothing, you can guarantee that the bullying will get worse; that’s the nature of bullying

11. Resources, Information and References • Youth Services Bureau 24/7 Crisis Line – 613-260-2360 YSB provides a range of innovative services that support and empower youth and have a lasting impact on Ottawa communities. Resources for parents are also available. • Kids Help Line 24/7 Crisis Line - 1-800-668-6868 A free, anonymous and confidential phone andon-line professional counselling service for youth. Big or small concerns. • www.prevnet.ca PREVNet is an active network of Canadian researchers, nongovernmental organizations (NGOs) and governments working together to stop bullying in Canada 

12. www.witsprogram.ca The WITS Programs bring together schools, families and communities to create responsive environments that help children deal with bullying and peer victimization. • www.bullyfreealberta.ca • Davis, Stan. Schools Where Everyone Belongs Practical Solutions for Dealing with Bullying. Research Press, 2005. • Coloroso Barbara. The Bully, The Bullied, and the Bystander. HarperCollins Publishers Ltd, 2002. • School District 2, “If It Hurts. Its Wrong”: Anti-Bullying Program.