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Unit 3b. What you are assessed on:. Ideas, imagery, vocab and detail (content) structuring your ideas and writing (organisation) Spelling, punctuation and sentences (accuracy). Using a range of sentence types. Alliterative sentences Metaphor sentences Onomatopoeia sentences
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What you are assessed on: • Ideas, imagery, vocab and detail (content) • structuring your ideas and writing (organisation) • Spelling, punctuation and sentences (accuracy)
Using a range of sentence types • Alliterative sentences • Metaphor sentences • Onomatopoeia sentences • Personification sentences • Proper noun sentences • Imperative sentences • Simile sentences • Preposition sentences • Listing sentences • Adverb sentences • Short sentences • Extra information sentences • Connective sentences • ing sentences • ed sentences
Sophisticated punctuation • Semi-colons: use them in lists or to replace connecting words. I saw him and I thought he was; handsome, arrogant and dangerous. OR I went to the shop; and I bought some crisps. • Commas: use them to add extra information or in lists. The boy, who was shivering, began to cry OR I ate crisps, chocolate, chips and pizza. • Brackets: use them to add extra information or asides. I waited (what else could I do?) for an eternity. • Ellipsis: Use it to create a pause/tension. I heard a groan…it was coming from the cupboard. PLUS full stops, apostrophes, exclamation marks and question marks- OBVIOUSLY!
Try starting sentences with prepositions, adjectives, adverbs or verbs E.G based on Titanic (Moving Image) • I saw people drowning and it was terrible OR • Around me people were drowning; it was terrible • Terrible sights surrounded me; people drowning everywhere • Slowly, People were drowning, it was terrible. • Looking around, I could see the terrible sight of people drowning.
Adding Detail To add detail to our descriptions we can ask ourselves: • How does it look? • What does it feel like? • What do I do with it? • How does it make me feel? • How important is it? • Does it symbolise anything? • Can I use unusual imagery to describe it?
Describing an item in detail: A* • How does it look? • What does it feel like? • What do I do with it? • How does it make me feel? • How important is it? • Does it symbolise anything? • Can I use unusual imagery to describe it? Pristine and gleaming white, like an All-American smile, the life-jacket was thrust into my grasping hands. The material was surprisingly smooth; an unusual texture and oddly heavy to hold. Urgently, I lifted it over my head, quickly tying the straps together so that it fit securely. I didn’t inflate it just yet. Not yet. To inflate it was an admission that I was about to enter the dark, unrelenting ocean and I wasn’t prepared to give up hope of a boat just yet. Feeling its weight on my fragile frame, I also felt the weight of its importance. This jacket represented my future. I had the potential to be saved, to be plucked from virtually certain death and, for now, I would cling onto that hope. Around me, dozens of others were pleading with the few remaining crew members; begging for life-jackets like mine. The broken staff of Titanic could only shrug…they were all out of jackets and all out of hope. As I began to follow the surging crowd forward, all of us desperate to find a lifeboat to join, the jacket felt like a cloak of fear, slowing me down and mocking my attempts to survive. At that moment a crew member reached down and inflated the jacket which erupted and uncoiled itself like a defiant snake. It hissed and engulfed me and, as my tear-laden eyes scanned over the empty, boat-less decks, I knew that it was now my only chance of survival.
Developing Environment • 5 things you can see • 4 things you can hear • 3 things you can touch • 2 things you can smell • 1 thing you can taste • NOW…convert each item into either a simile, metaphor, personification OR strong imagery. E.g: • The sinking boat groaned like a dying dog • The icy, bitter water tasted like death against my frozen lips
Writing in role • Decide on: • WHO you are (male/female? Age? 1st/3rd class? Name? • Why were you on board the Titanic? • Who were you travelling with? Have they escaped? • What were you doing when the Titanic hit the iceberg? • Where are you? (In a lifeboat? In the water? On the ship?) • Who else is near you? How are they reacting? • How do you feel as you watch the Titanic begin to sink? What does it look and sound like? • What might you say? • What might you do? • What is your environment like? • What are your biggest fears? • Do you have hope at this point? • What ‘happens’ to you character?
Mind map sophisticated vocab/imagery for more basic words • Cold • Dark • Scared • Ship • Ocean Bitingly bitter Brutally icy Cold Frozen fingers of death clutched my throat Piercing As cold as a rejected lover Cruelly, cuttingly cold
Ways to ‘structure’ your writing • Start new paragraphs with words such as ‘later’, ‘then’, ‘suddenly’ ‘earlier’ to show time differences • Have a focus (or topic) for each paragraph and make that focus clear in the first sentence of each paragraph (topic sentences) • Think about what EACH paragraph is bringing to the overall tone/plot/ etc. What is your PURPOSE in including certain descriptions. • Use a wide variety of: simple/compound/complex sentences • Use imperatives (commands), exclamatives (exclamations), interrogatives (questions) and declaratives (statements) • Hint at things to come in your story (foreshadowing) • Refer back to things you have already mentioned • Use extended metaphors/imagery to ‘hold’ the piece together. E.g: If you have talked about the ‘jaws’ of the ocean in your first paragraph, you could mention the ‘teeth’ of the Atlantic in paragraph three. • Use a wide range of connectives to show changes of time and to make links
Editing your work • The water moved towards them. It was powerful, pulling the ship further and further towards it. Andrew stared at the Atlantic. Hundreds of other people were clinging onto the wreck and hundreds of other people were in the water already. They hoped the lifeboats would return and their cried echoed in the darkness. They begged for help and somewhere beyond them, the lifeboats floated with their passengers silently watching. • Ferocious and unrelenting, the slick black water surged towards them, its remorseless, merciless power pulling the ship further and further towards it. Andrew could only stare at the pitiless, gaping black mouth of the Atlantic. Around him, hundreds of others clung to the skeletons of the groaning, dying wreck. Already, in the thrashing water, hundreds of others clung to their belief in the lifeboats returning. The cacophony of pleading cries echoed into the unmovable darkness; begging souls beseeched the blackness for help . Somewhere beyond the heaving remnants of hope the lifeboats floated tantalisingly; their passengers- silent voyeurs. How and why is the second version better? How has the student ‘improved’ their paragraph?
Improve this D grade work There were lots of passengers running about the ship like busy bees. They were all trying to get onto a lifeboat but there werent any left. The big, black, scary ocean was filled with bodies who were all calling and crying for help People jumped from the ship into the water which was as cold as ice. People called for the lifeboats to come back but all the lifeboats were too far away to come back and were avoiding getting swamped by people. The Titanic finally sank at about 2.15am. It went down into the Atlantic Ocean and made a whooshing noise as it went below the surface. Hundreds of people were in the water and were fighting for their lives. People even nicked each other’s life jackets to survive which was awful. E.g: Frantic, frenetic passengers flew about the deck like demonic sheep.
