The Amazing Cave of Secrets

1. The Amazing Cave of Secrets Sound interesting? Now that your hopes are high and you are really curious I feel it is the best time to tell you that by secrets, I mean Mathematical Formulae. Click the oval below to start your exciting journey! CLICK TO GAIN SATISFACTORY UNDERSTANDING OF CURRICULUM

2. Hypotenuse As you start your riveting journey in the valley of Pythagoras, you notice that everything is made out of these crazy, crazy triangles that all have a right angle in them. You try to remember what the longest side of a right-angled triangle is called, and how it is spelled. Jim HighpottEnuse I give up

3. Cos You get an overwhelming feeling of superiority as you remember something you should know anyway as your teacher has explained it like, a billion times. Suddenly the ground shakes and the surface of the earth crumbles away behind you. After running for your life for what feels like tan90, you finally come across a mysterious cave with 3 entrances labelled Sin, Cos and Tan. A nearby bird squawks “Opposite over Hypotenuse!” Choose an entrance. Sin Tan Give up

4. Cos Your knowledge of maths has saved your life, but you are now in a dark cave with no idea what to do next. A strange woman shuffles out of the darkness and, through interpretive dance, tells you “Opposite over Adjacent!”. What do you interpretive dance back at her? Sin Tan I Give up

5. Cos The woman nods in agreement, then spontaneously combusts. You find a torch among her ashes, and after brushing your victim’s effluence off the device, you turn it on. There is no exit in sight. Suddenly Pythagoras, the almighty Greek mathematician, crashes through the ceiling, arms outstretched like Superman. He slowly descends to the ground, adjusts his dishevelled robe and proclaims “Adjacent over Hypotenuse!” What do you say back to him? Sin Tan I Give up

6. Use your magic staff old man He smiles and nods. After tapping you on the forehead with the Staff of Science and Reason you realise he has teleported you into his home back in Ancient Greece. He seems stressed and says he has been searching for a bright young mind to help him figure out the following problem: what is an easy way to decide whether to use sin, cos or tan? You reply… SOHCAHTOA Invade Poland I Give up

7. A rock that represents your teacher’s disappointment falls out of the sky and crushes your uneducated body. Rewind time and persist with mathematics

8. Using a handy app on its iPhone, the bird calls down an airstrike, destroying the entrances to the cave of secrets. As your uneducated body falls into the hot magma below the earth’s surface and burns to a crisp, you focus intently on your teacher’s intense disappointment in you. Rewind time and persist with mathematics

9. Because you didn’t persist in maths at school, you made the terrible career decision to become a professional interpretive dancer. One day you are moving your uneducated body in random ways and claiming it is a form of art. Suddenly you realise that no matter how hard you try, you cannot fully express your maths teacher’s intense disappointment through dance. Rewind time and persist with mathematics

10. As Pythagoras hideously mutates into a dragon, roasts your uneducated body with his breath and swallows you whole, you can’t help but wonder how intensely disappointed your maths teacher must be in you. Rewind time and persist with mathematics

11. Ask P-Dawg, he seems to get it He embraces you wholeheartedly, but unfortunately your generation’s culture prohibits you from comfortably accepting affection from strangers and you play with your iPhone awkwardly. You wonder what the hell just happened, as all you did was say a bunch of gibberish and apparently that was the right answer. Pythagoras asks you to present your findings to his peers. What does SOH stand for, a Greek woman asks? Shrill OrangeHerald Invade Poland SinѲ = Opposite divided by Hypotenuse

12. Everyone smiles and thanks you, and Pythagoras teleports you back to the present day with his magic staff. Unfortunately your answer has stifled Ancient Greece’s contribution to modern science and reason, and you have created a horrible world where Justin Bieber was democratically voted President of the USA and Nickelback wins music awards. Rewind time and persist with mathematics

13. As Pythagoras hideously mutates into a dragon, roasts your uneducated body with his breath and swallows you whole, you can’t help but wonder how intensely disappointed your maths teacher must be in you. Rewind time and persist with mathematics

14. Nickelback actually make pretty good music Everyone seems satisfied. Pythagoras excitedly explains: SOH means SinѲ = Opposite side divided by Hypotenuse CAH means CosѲ = Adjacent side divided by Hypotenuse TOA means TanѲ = Opposite side divided by Adjacent side He explains that to power up his magic Staff of Science and Reason, you need to recite Pythagoras’ theorem. Then he can send you home. I got tan90problemsand your theorem ain’t one Simply add blackmail to kidnapping A2 + B2 = C2

15. The universe simply cannot contain your teacher’s disappointment at this stage and implodes, crushing your uneducated body into oblivion. Rewind time and persist with mathematics

16. Pythagoras taps you on the forehead again with the Staff of Science and Reason, teleporting you back to the present day. You have succeeded! Press the Escape Button of Irony to be trapped back in your classroom.