Interpersonal Conflict Management

1. Interpersonal Conflict Management Conflict Management Center Program on the Advancement of Research on Conflict and Collaboration (PARCC)

2. Agenda • Introduction • Conflict Exercise: Shuffle the Deck • Definition of Conflict • Conflict Escalation and De-Escalation • Reflective Listening Exercises • Position vs. Interests • Wrap up

3. Ground Rules • Confidentiality • Suspend judgment • All responsible for learning • Real life issues • Safe to make mistakes • Cell phones silent

4. Shuffle the Deck • Write a brief interpersonal conflict situation you are willing to share on an index card. Cards are then gathered, shuffled, and re-distributed within the group. • Make sure not to write your names on cards • Each person in the group introduces themselves then reads aloud from the card they is dealt and the group talk about the possible outcomes of the conflict.

5. Interpersonal Conflict... • … is an expressed struggle, • between two or more parties, • that are interdependent, • involving strong emotion, • and a perceived blockage to needs and/or values. (N. Katz)

6. Escalation Role Play • Be a ‘fly on the wall’ for the conflict that’s about to be portrayed. • Take note of how the conflict escalates- both verbally and nonverbally- what happens?

7. Skills for De-escalating conflict • Reflective Listening* • Based on work of Carl Rogers (1951) and Thomas Gordon (1970) who coined term ‘active listening’ *Source: Rautalinko and Lisper, 2005

8. Reflective Listening: • A special type of listening that involves paying respectful attention to the content and feelings of another’s communication, hearing and understanding, and then letting the other know that he/she is being heard and understood • It is a process of “checking in” to ensure understanding Source: Neil Katz

9. De-escalating role play • Let’s revisit our initial escalating conflict. . . what’s different this time?

10. Reflective Listening requires two steps: 1)Hear and understand what the other is saying through his/her words and body language. 2)Reflect (express) the thoughts and feelings heard through your own words, tone of voice, posture, and gestures so that the other knows that he/she is heard and understood. Example: You’re feeling ________ about/when/because _______

11. Reflective Listening Exercises • Roommate problems • Pass the Pen

12. The Challenge of Identifying Interests Positions “Why?” Interests

13. Positions versus Interests • Position - What you decided you want in a particular situation - A specific solution • Interests (often rooted in human needs) - What caused you to decide - The specific needs in a situation which caused you to take a particular position or come to a particular position.

14. Interest Inquiry • to identify interests - What will having that (the position) do for you ? - How will things change if you get your position? • to brainstorm options - What are the possible options that will meet the interests? • to evaluate options - What is a good way of doing that? - Will that option identify all of the needs/interests?

15. Thank you for your participation and attention!