Self-Care: Staying the Course

1. Perinatal Loss and Palliative Care – A Women's Health Conference 2008 Self-Care: Staying the Course Jill Taylor-Brown, MSW,RSW Director, Patient and Family Support Services

2. Learning Goals: • Reflect on the learner’s own responses to emotionally difficult situations.  • Give examples of positive coping strategies for dealing with emotionally difficult situations. • Identify resources which can be utilized when caregivers notice their own compassion fatigue.

3. How do we maintain and sustain ourselves in our work? What makes this work hard? What makes this work worth it?

4. Compassion Fatigue • There is a cost of caring. • Those who listen to clients’ stories of suffering may feel similar suffering. Eugene Dufour

5. Bearing WitnessBeing Present Witnessing stories of fear, pain, loss and suffering of others may evoke similar feelings ……

6. Shock Fear Hope Hopelessness Anger Panic Suffering Overwhelming Sadness Depression Grief Relief Confusion Pain Anxiety What You Are Witnessing?

7. Staying Involved and Balanced • “To sense the client’s world as if it were your own, but without ever losing the ‘as if’ quality – this is empathy.” Carl Rogers

8. Why is it Soooo Hard Sometimes? Because we are human… (and this is a good thing)

9. Why else? • Helplessness • Our Own History (especially loss history) • Vulnerability/mortality of Self and Loved Ones • “Survivor” guilt

10. We cannot keep people from suffering, but we CAN keep them from suffering for the wrong reasons.

11. What Helps?

12. Self-Care • SELF-care is not selfish or self-indulgent. • We cannot nurture others from a dry well. • We need to take care of our own needs first, then we can give from our surplus, our abundance. • When we nurture others from a place of fullness, we feel renewed

13. Make self-care the priority. Schedule life around self-care. Not the other way around!

14. Permission to Grieve GIVE SORROW WORDS; THE GRIEF THAT DOES NOT SPEAK KNITS UP THE O’ER WROUGHT HEART AND BIDS IT BREAK Shakespeare

15. Be Honest About How You Are Doing!

17. Managing Stress and Finding Balance

18. What Causes Distress ? Perception of Resources Significance of event

19. “You know, we’re just not reaching that guy.”

20. Social/Relationships Emotional Spiritual Meaning Purpose Physical Financial Cognitive/Intellectual

21. What is most important in your life? • ______________________________ • ______________________________ • ______________________________ • _______________________________

22. Make a pie chart with percentage of time that you spent on each in the last week………..

23. What would you like your pie to look like?

24. What gets in the way? What is ONE thing you could do to move forward?

25. What else helps?

26. A Sense of Humour

28. INNER STRENGTH: If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills.

29. If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains • If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles. • If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it. • If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time.

30. If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong. • If you can take criticism and blame without resentment. • If you can relax without liquor.

31. THEN…….

32. YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY DOG-----

33. THINGS I CAN LEARN FROM A DOG • Let others know when they have invaded your territory • Take naps and stretch before rising • Run, romp and play daily

34. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it • When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

35. Thrive on attention, and let people touch you. • Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

36. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride • Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy • When loved ones come home, always run to greet them

37. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm • Be loyal • Never pretend to be something you are not

38. No matter how often you’re scolded, ……run right back and make friends. • Bond with your pack.

39. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

40. “Outside” Help: • EAP (Employment Assistance programs) – WRHA, RHA, or University Based • Family Physician – Referrals to psychology, social work, psychiatry (depression) • Family Centre of Winnipeg • Aurora Centre (University of Winnipeg) • Centre de Conseilleurs • Health Access Centres (Klinic, River East, based on postal code)

41. PEACE It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

42. SACRED HEART FELT CONNECTIONS Who is the Healer? Who is the Healed? The sacred connections I have had; knowing that all the people I have known, either living or no longer living, mingle and remain in my heart as I do in theirs. JTB