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Authentic Manhood

Authentic Manhood. Winning at Work & Home. Session 4:. Staying Close to the Woman You Love.

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Authentic Manhood

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  1. Authentic Manhood Winning at Work & Home Session 4: Staying Close to the Woman You Love

  2. “There is a difference between really living and just existing. Existing is instinctual; it is involuntary, reactive, self-preserving, with the primary goal of just getting from one day to the next, without regard to quality. Living, on the other hand, is the exercise of certain learned skills, attitudes, and abilities that you have acquired and honed.” Dr. Phillip McGraw

  3. The Paradox Principle: DIE A LITTLE, LIVE A LOT

  4. Everyday Conflict 1. The Reality: Every relationship experiences conflict. 2. The Question: How do I deal with the conflict?

  5. “In all the years that I’ve worked with couples, the most common goal of each person was not to find out how to live and behave productively, but to convince me that what they were believing or doing was correct. Seldom did either partner come to me and sincerely say ... “I want our marriage to work, no matter who is right.” What both of them usually said was, “I want you to recognize that I’m right and convince my spouse that I’m right so we can do things my way.” Dr. Phillip McGraw

  6. Growth Resolved Understanding, Forgiveness, Compromise Conflict Hurt Feelings Invitation to Dialogue “Let’s Talk” Anger Two Choices Two Choices FIGHT Accuse, Demand, Put Down, Denigrate in Order to Win FLEE Withdraw and let problems fester Choose to Face Conflict Escalates Isolation Escalates Conflict

  7. Everyday Conflict 1. The Reality: Every relationship experiences conflict. 2. The Question: How do I deal with the conflict? 3. The Principle: Conflict can either grow you as a couple closer together or it can force you further apart.

  8. Growth Resolved Understanding, Forgiveness, Compromise Conflict Hurt Feelings Invitation to Dialogue “Let’s Talk” Anger Two Choices Two Choices FIGHT Accuse, Demand, Put Down, Denigrate in Order to Win FLEE Withdraw and let problems fester Choose to Face Conflict Escalates Isolation Escalates Conflict

  9. Everyday Conflict 1. The Reality: Every relationship experiences conflict. 2. The Question: How do I deal with the conflict? 3. The Principle: Conflict can either grow you as a couple closer together or it can force you further apart. 4. Key Insight: It’s the wise couple who learns how to resolve conflict quickly and correctly.

  10. “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” Ephesians 4:26

  11. Creeping Separateness

  12. “The killer of love is creeping separateness. Inloveness is a gift of the gods, but then it is up to the lovers to cherish or to ruin. Taking love for granted, especially after marriage. Ceasing to do things together. Finding separate interests. “We” turning into “I.” Self. Self-regard: what I want to do. Actual selfishness only a hop away. This is the way of creeping separateness. And in the modern world, everything favors it.”

  13. “The man going off to his office; the woman staying home with the children – her children – or perhaps having a different job. The failure of love might seem to be caused by hate or boredom or unfaithfulness with a lover; but those are the results. First came the creeping separateness: the failure behind the failure.” Sheldon Vanaukea

  14. Creeping Separateness 1. What a man needs to ask: “Do you feel close to me? Do I feel close to you?”

  15. Creeping Separateness 2. Smart moves a man can make: • Commit to a winning strategy - Weekly escapes that become your communication connecters. - Monthly experiences that become your companionship keepers. - Yearly extravaganzas that become your shared memory makers. • Commit to be the one who initiates this strategy.

  16. 1. Men, beware: “Husbands, do not become embittered against your wives.” Colossians 3:19 Creeping Separateness

  17. Creeping Separateness 2. What a man needs to ask: “What growing resentment am I carrying towards my woman?”

  18. Creeping Separateness 3. Smart moves a man can make: • Look inside and check your temperature. • Write your resentment down in an “I” statement. • Communicate your statement in a safe place where you have time to talk. • Seek a resolution you both can live with. • If you can’t, seek mutually agreed upon outside help.

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