On Bullying The new Anti-Bullying Procedures and

1. Anti-Bullying Campaign Presentation for Parents On Bullying The new Anti-Bullying Procedures and

2. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents The Scale of the Problem Findings in a 2012 survey of 4,500 Irish 10-year-olds show that 12% (about three per large class) say they were bullied “about weekly” International Association for Evaluation of Educational Achievement, led in Ireland by Dr Emer Eivers, Educational Research Centre, St Patrick’s College, Drumcondra - (Irish Examiner, 27/12/2012) When this problem is not dealt with effectively at primary level it becomes even worse at second level where: About 30% of pupils are bullied in any half-term period. (Anti-Bullying Centre, Trinity College, Dublin, 2008). 55% of young people claim to have been bullied (UNICEF Report: Changing the Future, 2012) With the best of intentions previous attempts to prevent bullying in schools were inadequate. A new approach was needed, is now available and is mandatory.

3. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents All bullying behaviour has three things in common and these enable us clearly identify it? • It is any behaviour that is (a) deliberate, (b) hurtful and (c) repeated over time, e.g. • Unwelcome glances, sniggering, name calling . . . • Slagging/teasing about characteristics, background, family . . . • Spreading rumours about someone • Abusive telephone calls or text messages • Putting unwelcome messages/pictures on Internet sites • Isolation/exclusion from group activity • Intimidation, verbal or through body language • Physical aggression - pushing, tripping, hitting, punching . . . • Damage to property or taking property • Extortion of money or property If any of these happens repeatedly to your child, whatever else you might call it, s/he is being bullied!

4. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents • Things that may indicate bullying: • Anxiety about travelling to and from school, unwillingness to go to school, refusal to attend, mitching. • Deterioration in motivation, concentration, workrate, educational performance or all of these. • Changes in mood - loss of confidence, growing shyness, withdrawal. • Unexplained changes in behaviour - stammering, displays of anger, aggressive behaviour (towards siblings?), out of character comments. • Pattern of physical illnesses, stomach/bowel disorders, loss of appetite, vomiting, loss of sleep, nightmares (possibly reported by parents). • Possessions missing or damaged, requests for (lunch) money. • Unexplained bruising, cuts or other injury or damaged clothing. • Reluctance/refusal to say what is troubling her/him. Any parent who thinks any of these apply to your child should not presume it is just “a stage s/he is at.” It may be more than that.

5. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents Psychological impact of bullying: • Feelings of insecurity, nervousness • Damage to self-confidence, withdrawal • Lowering of self-esteem, unhappiness with self • Unexplained mood changes, mood swings • Behaviour changes, uncharacteristic aggression • Stress/distress, inability to cope, mitching • Extreme anxiety/panic attacks, mitching • Nervous breakdown, inability to function • Depression requiring psychiatric intervention • Self-Harm by various means including cutting • Death by Suicide Bullied students feel hurt, humiliated and isolated and find it hard to understand what is really happening to them or why!

6. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents Responding with punishment, anger and threats can make matters worse • Students tend to take the side of students against any adult who threatens or resorts to punishment, even for bullying • Punishment makes reporting of bullying by observers less likely – it leads to the “no ratting” culture so common in schools • Punishment can lead to a further negative backlash for the targeted student, either from the original bullying students or from peers • Punishment can simply lead to a change in (a) the kind of bullying, (b) the location of bullying, (c) the student targeted so the bullying continues and efforts to bring it to an end fail. If your child is being bullied you may wish to have the perpetrator punished but this is counter-productive! A different approach is needed.

7. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents “Anti-Bullying Procedures for Primary and Post Primary Schools” 2013, under the heading “Key Principles of Best Practice,” states: 6.5.2. Effective practice includes prevention and awareness-raising measures across all aspects of bullying. 6.8.9 School authorities must ensure that the school has clear procedures for investigating and dealing with bullying . . . . . . The school’s procedures must be consistent with the following approach: (i) The primary aim for the relevant teacher in investigating and dealing with bullying is to resolve any issues and to restore, as far as is practicable, the relationships of the parties involved (rather than to apportion blame). All schools must now adopt an approach to bullying that is fully compatible with all these Key Principles.

8. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents How to “resolve” and “restore” without punishment - 3 effective incentives • We explain to pupils that children sometimes bully others without thinking or without realising the harm they are doing • We tell them that if they know of any children, in their class or any other class, who are doing this we need to talk to them and ask them to stop • We do a special survey across several classes asking the children to tell us who might be doing this - only so we can know who we need to talk to - on the following basis: • If they tell us, we will talk to anyone identified to find out if it is bullying . . . • If it is, we will ask them to give us a promise that they will stop . . . • If they give us this promise and keep this promise: • they will not be punished (since it is over now) • we will not give their name to the Principal (since it is over) • c) we will not phone their parents “getting them in trouble” (since it is over) • On this basis, for the first time, children tell us all we need to know to keep them safe • The child is getting “one chance” (does every child not deserve this?) and if s/he breaks the promise the Principal and parents are notified at this very “early stage” On this basis, the children tell us all we need to know. Nearly all pupils keep their promise so it is over – a “win-win” outcome.

9. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents Dealing with Bullying Situations - Summary The Anti-Bullying Campaign response offers a “win-win” resolution in almost all cases Code of Behaviour Ladder of Referral In a tiny number of cases second promise is broken -Return to Ladder of Referral Expulsion? Suspension Phase 2: In return for honesty and keeping 2nd promise pupil gets no confidentiality but no blame or sanction Almost allkeep first or second promise and so avoid blame or sanction through ladder of referral Meeting(s) with parents Contact parents If Promise is broken parents/staff told but still no return to ladder of referral Principal? Deputy Principal? Phase 1: In return forhonestyand keeping 1st promise pupil gets confidentiality and no blame or sanction Most keep first promise so by agreement parents & Principal do not need to know or act Minor Sanctions(s) Warning(s) Correction Awareness Raising Strand Ongoing Throughout School

10. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Overall Summary Bullying is repeated targeted hurtful behaviour reflecting a power imbalance between those involved In class bullying is secretive When teachers on yard duty change every day they cannot see the Repetitionthat indicates “Bullying” Pupils see all this behaviour so we need them to report it SO Anti-Bullying Campaign - Strand 1Raising Awareness /Understanding Pupils Now Recognise Bullying Pupils Now Reject Bullying BUT They don’t Recognise it they don’t Understand it so they don’t Report it SO Anti-Bullying Campaign - Strand 2A “Reform, not Blame” Approach Pupils see this as Fair and Just Pupils Now Report the Bullying BUT Punishment is an Obstacle so they still don’t Report it AND There is No Resolution AND The bullying continues, leading to misery, low self-esteem, depression, self harm . . . AND Our “Reform, Not Blame” Response offers “win-win” resolution for everyone involved

11. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents Responsibilities of Parents in the new Procedures • 6.2.5. Developing a Code of Behaviour: Guidelines for Schools, states: “Parents should be expected to model the standards that pupils are asked to respect.” • 6.3.2. Parents should also recognise that . . . they need to work with their school to ensure there is a coherent, school-wide approach. • 6.8.9. (v) Parents and pupils are required to co-operate with any investigation and assist the school in resolving any issues and restoring, as far as is practicable, the relationships of the parties involved as quickly as possible; Parents, as well as being involved in adopting new anti-bullying policies in schools, can support their implementation by their good example, cooperation and vigilance in reporting bullying behaviour.

12. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents Benefits for Parents in the new Procedures • The objective in following these procedures, which is achieved through their implementation, is a “win-win” outcome for all concerned: • A bullied pupil wins because the bullying is brought to an end, • A bullying pupil wins because there is no punishment as long as s/he keep a solemn promise to stop bullying, • The observing pupils win because the anxiety they feel when observing bullying, which they now recognise and reject as wrong, comes to an end, • Lessons are learned about respectful behaviour by the whole school community, a higher standard is reached and everyone can get on with their lives. • On this basis parents benefit whether their children were bullying others, were bullied by others or observed the bullying. Each parent’s initial wish in relation to the bullying is fulfilled.

13. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents • What if my child bullies others? • You might be the last to know about it since nobody likes to tell you this • Your child might do this because: • (a) s/he may also be hurting for some reason and is “lashing out, “e.g. s/he may have been bullied and may be “passing this on” • (b) s/he may be copying others to keep “in with them” by bullying • (c) there may be a misunderstanding about something said or done in the past that was never sorted out • (d) s/he may feel insecure and be seeking “control” to feel more secure • Is there something I can do about this? • Yes. Once you know about it you can support the school as it implements its new anti-bullying policy – leading to resolution that gives your child a “fresh start” with a “clean sheet” and no blame. You can insist that your child keeps her/his side of the arrangement arrived at and that any bullying behaviour stops!

14. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents Bullying behaviour is no longer restricted to the school yard. It is often by phone or online and out of sight and earshot of both teachers and parents.

15. Your home should be a safe place where you can be away from bullying and harassment . . . Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents . . . but Cyber Bullying by phone and online can affect you even when you are at home . . .

16. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents Cyber Bullying is repeatedly using computers, mobile phones, smart phones or any other technology to cause hurt or embarrassment to another person Being cruel, repeatedly circulating hurtful material to others or about others using technological means

17. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents ASK.fm • E-mail • Mobile/smart phones • Text messages • Instant messaging / MSN • Social networking sites • Chat rooms

18. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents • “Harassment”: Repeatedly sending offensive, rude, and insulting messages • “Cyber Stalking”: Repeatedly sending messages that include threats of harm or are highly intimidating and make a person afraid for his or her own safety • “Denigration”: ‘Dissing’ - circulating cruel gossip or rumours about a student to damage his or her reputation or friendships • “Outing and Trickery”: Tricking a student into revealing secret or embarrassing information which is then shared without consent

19. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents “Flaming”: Online fights using electronic messages with angry and vulgar language “Impersonation”: Pretending to be someone else and sending or posting material online that makes someone look bad, gets her/him in trouble or danger, or damages her/his reputation or friendships “Exclusion”: Intentionally excluding someone from an on-line group, like a ‘buddy list’

20. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents ? One of the most threatening aspects of being the target of Cyber Bullying is that . . . ? ? ? ? . . . You can’t see the bully and you often don’t even know who it is. ? ?

21. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents Research shows that those who Cyber Bully are usually the same people who bully people directly and you may know who they are but to prove it you will need evidence

22. A victim of Cyber Bullying by phone should: Never reply to bullying or harassment by phone Put yourself in control - store the messages as evidence Block the sender - phone networks allow you to do this Tell someone you trust that the bullying is going on If Cyber Bullying continues, report the problem to parents/teachers and depending on severity, the Gardaí. Even if the sender’s number is hidden the exact time and date are attached to messages and enable the Gardaí to check with the service provider and trace the sender of the message Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents

23. A victim of Cyber Bullying online should: Never reply to online bullying or harassment Put yourself in control - store and print out messages and keep them as evidence, noting exact time and date if possible Block communication with the Cyber Bullying person: (a) by email, by adding her/him to your “blocked list” and (b) on social networking sites (e.g. Facebook) by (i) reporting the bullying to the site administrators and (ii) changing your privacy settings to exclude her/him If Cyber Bullying continues, report the problem to parents/teachers and depending on severity, the Gardaí. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents

24. Something everyone who uses social media should know: Under the Department of Education’s new anti-bullying procedures: “ . . . Placing a once-off offensive or hurtful public message, image or statement on a social network site or other public forum where that message, image or statement can be viewed and/or repeated by other people will be regarded as bullying behaviour.” This makes sense because every extra hour/day you choose to leave such a thing in place is like a repetition of the original act. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents

25. Anti-Bullying Campaign - Presentation for Parents Adapted with kind permission of Caroline O’Doherty, Loreto, Beaufort.