Effective Communication

1. Effective Communication The key to fostering clarity, creativity and cohesion.

2. Workshop Objectives • Define communication • Identify why we communicate • Discuss the fundamental elements and concepts which support effective communication • Present the concepts of whole and partial messages • Define effective communication • Introduce the basic premise of Neuro-Linguistics • Present an overview of the four behavioral styles and the DISC System • Provide take away materials to support continued learning

3. What is Communication? Any perceived behavior - or lack of behavior in one person that causes a "significant" mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual reaction in another person is "communication."

4. Why do we communicate? • We communicate with ourselves (through act of thinking) and with other people to reduce current discomforts, or needs.

5. Consider this: • The more effectively we can communicate the more likely we are to get our needs met!

6. What Drives us to Communicate? There are six (6) fundamental communication needs we try to fill. To…. • feel respectedby Self and others present (a constant human need). • give and/or get credible information. • cause or prevent action (change)- including changing or maintaining the psychological "distance" (intimacy and boundaries) between us and others. • vent- i.e. we need to (a) describe current thoughts and feelings to another person and to (b) feel deeply understood and accepted by them (vs. to get "fixed”). • create excitement - i.e. reduce numbness or boredom. • avoid something uncomfortable, like silence, a confrontation, a loss, or a conflict.

7. So what are you trying to say? • To be better supervisors we have to recognize there is much more to communicating then what think…. • and there are many ways we can improve our communication style, but first we need to understand some fundamentals. →

8. If you want to be heard…. First you have to learn to listen 12 BLOCKS TO LISTENING • Identifying • Advising • Sparring • Being Right • Derailing • Placating • Comparing • Mind Reading • Rehearsing • Filtering • Judging • Dreaming

9. Can you hear me now? • Effective communicators practice active listening; seeking the signals which help them to better interpret the messages they are receiving as well as the person sending the message.

10. What channel are we on? Increasing our channel awareness! Face to face, we communicate via three (3)"channels" at once through: • spoken words; • voice dynamics: tone + tempo + inflection + volume + accent + non-word sounds; and... • non-verbally (face and body) communication language.

11. People Are actually usually on all 3 channels

12. Benefits of Channel Awareness • Being able to spot stressful signals in important communications and relationships  • Being able to decode what they mean • Being able to reduce or stop such confusing messages ➝

13. Getting our message out there……. When we send a message we try to get two or more current needs met by exchanging up to four simultaneous messages on each of our three (3) channels: "Right now,... • I feel..."; • I need..."; • I think..."; • Relative to me, I understand you and your needs as...” →

14. It’s all about RESPECT Of the four (4) messages it is #4 that relates to respect which is usually sent and decoded unconsciously. • Remember the old saying. “It’s not what you say but how you say it!” • Because we all need to feel respected enough in every relationship and situation, perceived R-messages control the success of every spoken and unspoken communication exchange. 

15. R-messages have three basic interpretations: "Here and now, you (seem to) value your needs, worth, and dignity... • morethan mine, so you're 1-up (superior) and I'm 1-down” • lessthan mine, so you're 1-down (inferior) and I'm 1-up)"; or... • equallywith mine (we're "= / =", or "of equal respect," here.)

16. Effective communicationrequires all people to receive credible =/= R-messages. 

17. Are WE Sending Whole or Partial Messages? There are four primary elements involved when we engage in whole message communications, they are: • Observations: what your senses tell you. • Opinions: conclusions you draw • Feelings: your emotional response • Needs: what you want →

18. Toxic MessagesContaminated communications • Contaminated messages are different from partial messages in that part of the message is expressed “slyly” rather than just left out. • Contaminated messages are most destructive when they are loaded with unexpressed negative emotions and needs.

19. Learning to develop better messages BREAKOUT EXERCISE

20. Effective communicationhappens when…. each person involved meets two conditions: they ... • Get enough of their current met (by theirdefinition),... • in a way that leaves them feeling good enough about (a) themselves, (b) all others involved, and (c) the processes in and among them.

21. Some time Effective communication just happens….. Effective verbal communication may happen when all people's current needs match well enough – Such as when I need to vent, and you need to maintain our relationship, and get information (about me).

22. More often then not Effective Communication eludes us… the odds of two people both achieving these two factors are 1 in 16, or about 6%! Here's why:

23. Improving your odds • Requires moving to a conscious versus unconscious state when communicating • Our style of communication can be like any habit; some times it enhances our lives and some times it detracts from our lives either way the choice is ours…if we want to change our current state it takes knowledge and discipline.

24. Tools for becoming a more effective communicator • Neuro-Linguistics (NL) • DISC

25. Neuro-Linguistics • Looks at the ways that humans think and experience the world effects communication. • The basic premise of NL is that… the more people are like each other, the more the like each other. • The insights provided in the practice of NL allow us to increase our sensory acuity and in turn adapt our communication styles

26. Learning to adjusting your lens • We each have a very unique“world view” • When we try understanding another person’s world view we are less likely to make judgments about people’s behavior. • We can consider the context. • The representational systems in NL relates to our senses. • The way we sense the world impacts our thoughts capabilities and beliefs.

27. Representational System Examples • For example in responding to the statement: I think the Insight project is going well we might we get the following: Visual Response: “Yep, looks good to me.” Auditory Response: “I’ve been hearing good things about it.” Kinesthetic Response: “I feel good about the whole project.”

28. So how does this benefit me? • Understanding the primary mechanism through which someone best absorbs information increases your chances of sending them a message which they can receive. • It also lets you know the means of transport you must use with them to improve your odds for effectively communicating your message.

29. DISC An approach for achieving better communication

30. DISC Profiles • Dominant or Directive – the Control Specialist • Influence or Emotive – the Communication Specialist • Steady or Supportive– the Harmony Specialist • Conscientiousness or Reflective – the Information Specialist

31. Quick Self Assessment –Handout “How You Behave” What’s your personality style?

32. Videos

33. Communication Strategies Become FLEXABLE Develop the willingness to exercise behaviors not necessarily characteristic of your own, for the benefit of the relationship, is called behavioral flexibility or being FLEXable.

34. How To Identify the Four Styles • Each of the four behavior styles consist of two basic elements of behavior: • More direct vs. more indirect behaviors • More supporting vs. more controlling behaviors

35. What DrivesThe Four Styles? Relationship-oriented Results-oriented Detail-oriented Socially-oriented

36. Behavioral Styles in Stressful Situations Supportives • Hesitant • Submissive • Passive • Indecisive • Defensive • Dependent Supportives need: To know they are liked. A slow pace for comfort and security. To develop a relationship where they feel comfortable.

37. 4 styles Cont. • Manipulative • Overeager • Impulsive • Inconsistent • Time-wasting • Unrealistic • Superficial Emotives Emotives like: Credit for their actions. Action and interaction. A quick pace for stimulation and excitement. Prestige!

38. 4 styles Cont. • Resist Change • Slow to Act • Withdrawn • Resentful • Doesn't Meet • Deadlines • Unimaginative • Over-reliant on Data Reflectives Reflectives need: A slow pace for the “processing of information & accuracy.” To know they are right. This comes with understanding all principles and details.

39. 4 Styles conT… • Restless • Critical • Blunt • Intrusive • Pushy • Aggressive • Irritable • Uncooperative Directives Directives need: To feel in control of the situation. Tangible evidence of progress towards goals. A fast pace with accomplishments.

40. Style Matrix Support Tools Supportive Emotive • Provide a secure environment • Be logical and systematic • Tell them about change early • Let them go slow into change • Show how they’re important • Use sincere appreciation • Approach them informally • Provide written details • Be relaxed and sociable • Find times to keep the conversation light • Let them tell you how they feel • Use humor (Carefully) • Give public recognition Reflective Directive • Steer clear of gut responses • Show your competence • Show independence • Stick to the topic • Be clear about rules/expectations • Respectfully explain how their behavior impacts you • Communicate briefly/to the point • Respect their need for autonomy • Show dependability • Show loyalty • Honor precedents • Be tactful and reserved • Value high standards • Be precise and focused Controlling

41. Wrap Up • No matter what our current set of communication skills we can always become more effective communicators Thank you!